Conflict raged within Yannika as she pondered his question. She was well aware if she told him the truth it could destroy the fledgling relationship she was building with him. It almost certainly would hurt him and she couldn't stand to see that. But she also knew he was in pain at that moment and reaching out to her for help. A grounding force in his life and been ripped away from him and he was searching for a life-raft. He would learn to truth eventually, and if she lied to him now it might only serve to cause more harm later. This was a watershed moment in both of their lives and if she made the wrong decision the tide could sweep them apart.
But her baby was in pain, and she had to comfort him.
"Twenty-years ago," she began, "my father, Lord Wulfkin, brought me to court as a débutante. He was courting an alliance with three powerful families and wanted to marry me off to one of them as part of the deal. But when I got to court, I caught the eye of a man, a married man. He was charming and powerful, and had a presence I was enraptured with. He would call on me often, and we spent quite a bit of time together over that season." She paused a moment to think about how to phrase the next part. "My father was not happy about this turn of events, but the man held... influence over the court, and my father could not deny him. Nor could I." she looked away, embarrassed at that point before she looked back. "When the court was dismissed at the end of the season, I had to tell my father I was with child. I was so scared, and he was furious. He banished me to the church, and exiled me from the family."
'If you're going to act like a whore then you'll be a whore!' she remembered her father shouting at her.
"He wouldn't suffer a bastard in his family." Yannika continued and wiped away a tear, "I didn't have a choice in the matter. The man was married and my family wouldn't have me. I gave birth after taking my vows. The church wouldn't let me raise my baby and I found it cruel. I begged, I pleaded, but the answer was 'no'. I was permitted one month with my child before the church was going to take him away from me. But before the month was out, the man's wife passed in childbirth. She and her baby didn't survive, and the man took our son to raise him."
"I was happy," she explained, "my baby would be raised by his father, someone who'd love him. But I wouldn't be able to be there for him. My vows were binding, and could not be forsaken. Only dispensation from the church could free me. So consoled myself with the knowledge that my baby would be taken care of, and I devoted myself to the gods as I was sworn to. I was permitted no contact despite repeated pleas, and I had all but lost hope of ever seeing him. Then, my child's father died, and my son inherited his position. The cardinals saw fit to transfer me back to the capital, and here I am."
She squeezed into him then and looked up into his eyes. "Here. I. Am." she repeated.