A Fantasy Dynasty

merkros

merkros

CHYOA Guru
Hello! I'm Merkros, the main author for A Fantasy Dynasty.

I've gotten fairly burned out on writing over the last week or so and thought maybe now would be a good time to set up a thread here in the Story Feedback section.

The premise is written in on the introduction, but I'll just reiterate it here. Basically, you play the current head of a fantasy dynasty and lead him or her through all sorts of sexual or political scenarios in a fantasy universe until the time comes to abdicate to your heir. After which you play as him(or her).

It's my first story here and honestly it almost wasn't even posted. I have issues with crippling anxiety and have never had confidence in anything I've written and I have written quite a lot in a probably futile attempt to become a writer. However, reaction so far has been mostly positive...Although as my girlfriend can attest, it doesn't stop me from obsessing over every single downvote and I hope to improve on my writing quality as i do more.

Also a big thanks to AlexandraS90 for helping me to get accustomed to the site and providing me with enough initial encouragement to continue after the first day or two.
 
Loving this story
merkros said:
Hello! I'm Merkros, the main author for A Fantasy Dynasty.

I've gotten fairly burned out on writing over the last week or so and thought maybe now would be a good time to set up a thread here in the Story Feedback section.

The premise is written in on the introduction, but I'll just reiterate it here. Basically, you play the current head of a fantasy dynasty and lead him or her through all sorts of sexual or political scenarios in a fantasy universe until the time comes to abdicate to your heir. After which you play as him(or her).

It's my first story here and honestly it almost wasn't even posted. I have issues with crippling anxiety and have never had confidence in anything I've written and I have written quite a lot in a probably futile attempt to become a writer. However, reaction so far has been mostly positive...Although as my girlfriend can attest, it doesn't stop me from obsessing over every single downvote and I hope to improve on my writing quality as i do more.

Also a big thanks to AlexandraS90 for helping me to get accustomed to the site and providing me with enough initial encouragement to continue after the first day or two.
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, keep up the good work!
 
anagrom said:
I am really enjoying the story thus far. I particularly enjoy the story not being too heavy in the magic, while still having some.
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I do like magic, but I reject the premise that magic can and should be used for anything and everything. I can't promise there won't be more, or less magic in the future. However, I don't really want it to become the focus. With that said, what other writers decide to do with magic within the confines of their story is mostly up to them. I'm doing my best to not really intervene or stifle their creativity unless something really doesn't mesh well with the rest of the story.

anagrom said:
Hope you come around continuing this branch https://chyoa.com/chapter/Inside.228326
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Honestly, I'm hoping to develop as many branches as I can...I've read several chyoa stories that were really good, but just have one or two branches developed. It's a little disappointing when that happens, because what's the point of a Choose Your Own Adventure story if there's not many choices to make, or of the choices you have most of them lead to a dead end.

anagrom said:
Again though, many thanks for the story, your writing is awsome.
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madmaniac said:
Loving this story

, keep up the good work!
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Thank you both!
 
I don't usually post here, but also wanted to say that I really like you story idea and also the storytelling so far - there is really no need for you to be anxious about your writing.

I also appreciate you wanting to develop several branches, and not only one. I will definitely keep an eye on your story.

So, thanks for deciding to post the story after all
 
I just wanted to say that I'm not dead. Crunch time to earn enough in-game currency in an MMO to buy a month's worth of subscription came up leaving me with little time to do anything else.

I have also taken the time to reflect on parts of the story that needs work. There's a lot to do. Either by me, or another talented writer.

First off. My biggest regret in the opening month of the story's life was rushing to The Usurpation. The Marissa/Bryce storyline was something that I had thought out to its completion and it was never meant to be a good path to take. However, due to varying reasons; I rushed it far too much. On Feb 21, I was struck with inspiration that I wanted the next part to be about Bryce's Daughter(and later son) and her efforts to reclaim the throne and careened towards it with reckless abandon. This caused the chapters leading up to The Usurpation to be short, lacking in detail, and other such things. Considering that for the longest time The Usurpation was my most downvoted chapter(It had four downvotes at one point). I have to believe that I wasn't alone in that thought. I voiced my concerns to Alexandra who then started the path of hedonism. Which SonOfDusk has since taken over. Unfortunately, there still is that gap of chapters before The Usurpation that are sorely lacking in detail. It's too late to go back and fix it in any reasonable way. However, I do have an idea for one last chance to stave off the events of The Usurpation.

Of course Prince Donmal and Princess Anna's stories will continue in time. At least in some form or another. I haven't fully thought out Anna's story much farther past where it is. The same goes for lustful King Bryce, or Lady Victoria's route may be a better description,since she seems to be the primary romantic target right now. Where King Bryce seems to just bed every woman he comes across. I'm sure that won't cause issues down the line.

The other thing that I really need to work on is a primary female start. I know based on view counts and likes that a female perspective may not be the most popular branch...Princess Anna's story, for example doesn't seem to get nearly as much love as the main King Bryce paths. That may simply be a flaw with my writing capabilities, as I absolutely do not feel like I write from the views of a woman very well. However, that disparity may also be due to the situation revolving around The Usurpation. The story got fairly dark suddenly and perhaps people weren't attracted to the sudden "Edgyness"(for lack of a better word). Perhaps this could have been resolved, if i went into more detail, but I'm regressing. The point is that I feel that the fact that there isn't a female starting protagonist is the biggest flaw of the story right now. Bigger than The Usurpation.

Anyway, I just wanted to update anyone interested in what I'm planning for the near future and comment briefly on why I haven't been writing as many chapters as I have in the past.
 
Looks promising, and I know how you feel about trying to find time to write on Chyoa, because I play a mix of games myself, when I'm not busy with my dayjob, or have other commitments. I know that it can take hours to add to a story, depending on what kind of story you're trying to tell. My own posts can be lengthy, or short & concise, depending on what I'm trying to depict.

That leads me to one idea I wanted to bring out, as another branch for the King Bryce story, when he heads to court. How do you feel about me playing out a storyline where a large band of Amazon or Valkyrie Raiders are threatening the Phebis homeland, attracted by the rich trade routes? I've noticed that you don't seem to have a military advisor, or a general to lead the army, or an admiral to lead a naval force. Perhaps one path could be where Bryce and his army, plus the Phebian militia, are able to push back the raiders. Eventually, a Phebian noblewoman is taken by Bryce as his wife/mistress. Another path could be where the Itherian/Phebian Armies come to a stalemate with the raiders, and the raider queen earns not only the respect of the king, but also his bedside, eventually producing capable warrior heirs.
 
That would certainly be fine. I'm not sure where they would come from, but that's kind of the advantage to not having the map set in stone(I should really work on some kind of map for the currently defined world). It would be largely up to your innovation. A band of Amazons could come across the sea from another continent, or a distant island off the coast. The same could be for Valkyrie Raiders, or they could be from farther north to keep the Norse feel. As far as a military advisor, or general goes. That is probably something that the Marshal would double as in times of war. Although with that said, typical kings would probably have more than one military advisor. Perhaps Bryce would only take on more if a large scale military operation was required(Like dealing with a major invasion by raiders). I don't know. It's not something I have really had to think about just yet. As for an Admiral. That's definitely something I have yet to think on. I highly doubt that the Marshal would double as a General and triple as an Admiral. Therefore a new character would probably need to be introduced, but that's fine. All in a day's work.

Still. I would be curious to see where such branches eventually lead.
 
Hello. First of all i would like to say that i'm a great fan of the story and that i can't wait to see how it will be developed. I primarily like that threads where Anna summons the Shade and the threads where Anna becomes the bandt queen. I also like the thread where Donmal travels with Tara and they manage to get out of the forest. I think that a potential development direction for the thread where Anna becomes the Bandit Queen could be one where she slowly develops the band of bandits into a resistance group (with the aid of Akina and Ser Noah) against the ever increasing tyrannical rule of her mother/brother. Obviously the group would get bigger than it is now and this will take some time to develop. Also she could potential leverage her position as princess and future queen to atleast marry the son of a noble or merchant prince of her choosing. It would also be great to see what happens to Anna after she ahd sex with the Shade and how to story will progress there and also how the story will progress with Donmal and Tara, considering that the people belive that he is ruling the kingdom.

Unfortunately i couldn't write to save my life. I am just an avid reader how came up with one or two suggestions. I hope you don't mind.

Good luck and happy writing.
 
merkros said:
That would certainly be fine. I'm not sure where they would come from, but that's kind of the advantage to not having the map set in stone(I should really work on some kind of map for the currently defined world). It would be largely up to your innovation. A band of Amazons could come across the sea from another continent, or a distant island off the coast. The same could be for Valkyrie Raiders, or they could be from farther north to keep the Norse feel. As far as a military advisor, or general goes. That is probably something that the Marshal would double as in times of war. Although with that said, typical kings would probably have more than one military advisor. Perhaps Bryce would only take on more if a large scale military operation was required(Like dealing with a major invasion by raiders). I don't know. It's not something I have really had to think about just yet. As for an Admiral. That's definitely something I have yet to think on. I highly doubt that the Marshal would double as a General and triple as an Admiral. Therefore a new character would probably need to be introduced, but that's fine. All in a day's work.

Still. I would be curious to see where such branches eventually lead.
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That's what I was thinking myself. I could do a combined band of Amazons from a distant tropical or Greek-ish island off the coast, or a raiding band of Valkyries from the a region far to the north, and they have longboats that had allowed them to row down to a river delta that's close enough for a raid on Phebis. As for an admiral character, I would certainly try for a new character, with the kinds of ships that would be consistent with the time frame. The Itherian Navy could even have a few airships, too.
 
DarkFriday1408 said:
Unfortunately i couldn't write to save my life. I am just an avid reader how came up with one or two suggestions. I hope you don't mind.
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I certainly don't mind! In fact, part of the reason why I made this thread in the first place was to get an idea for what people might wish to see in future parts. Especially ideas coming from those who may not be so inclined to write for themselves, as their stories may not ever be heard otherwise.:)

dearnise said:
with the kinds of ships that would be consistent with the time frame. The Itherian Navy could even have a few airships, too.
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Personally, I'm not too familiar with pre-gunpowder era ship designs, but I don't mind airships too much...as long as there aren't too many. Those things are expensive.

On another note, just as an in general for the topic as a whole and whoever might read this in the future. I've been a bit hesitant(to say the least) to agree to gunpowder technology when others have mentioned wanting to add it in. For a couple of reasons, Firstly gunpowder was more of a late middle-ages kind of thing and i want to stick with the feeling and authenticity of a feudal/middle-age period with castles and bows and knights. This is a world where the regular use of crossbows is a relatively new thing. Secondly, I firmly believe that in a world that progresses on a similar path as ours did only with magic; The invention of gunpowder and its eventual use in warfare would be much slower. Magic users could pretty much emulate most of what gunpowder can do. That doesn't mean that gunpowder would never be invented. It's ultimately more versatile than a wizard for varying reasons...Just that it would take longer. Thirdly, gunpowder leads to guns and guns in general can become a slippery slope. Especially in stories with multiple authors. You start with a reasonable gun with reasonable inaccuracy, then end with the ability to snipe someone from out of sight. Guns were pretty inaccurate well into the 1700-1800's. That's why professional armies from that period could get away with lining up like dominoes and brightly colored uniforms. That's not only well past the Middle-Ages, but nearly into the Industrial Revolution.

Anyway, I've ranted enough for the night. Like I really seem to have gone on a tangent in retrospect...oops.
 
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merkros said:
I certainly don't mind! In fact, part of the reason why I made this thread in the first place was to get an idea for what people might wish to see in future parts. Especially ideas coming from those who may not be so inclined to write for themselves, as their stories may not ever be heard otherwise.:)



Personally, I'm not too familiar with pre-gunpowder era ship designs, but I don't mind airships too much...as long as there aren't too many. Those things are expensive.

On another note, just as an in general for the topic as a whole and whoever might read this in the future. I've been a bit hesitant(to say the least) to agree to gunpowder technology when others have mentioned wanting to add it in. For a couple of reasons, Firstly gunpowder was more of a late middle-ages kind of thing and i want to stick with the feeling and authenticity of a feudal/middle-age period with castles and bows and knights. This is a world where the regular use of crossbows is a relatively new thing. Secondly, I firmly believe that in a world that progresses on a similar path as ours did only with magic; The invention of gunpowder and its eventual use in warfare would be much slower. Magic users could pretty much emulate most of what gunpowder can do. That doesn't mean that gunpowder would never be invented. It's ultimately more versatile than a wizard for varying reasons...Just that it would take longer. Thirdly, gunpowder leads to guns and guns in general can become a slippery slope. Especially in stories with multiple authors. You start with a reasonable gun with reasonable inaccuracy, then end with the ability to snipe someone from out of sight. Guns were pretty inaccurate well into the 1700-1800's. That's why professional armies from that period could get away with lining up like dominoes and brightly colored uniforms. That's not only well past the Middle-Ages, but nearly into the Industrial Revolution.

Anyway, I've ranted enough for the night. Like I really seem to have gone on a tangent in retrospect...oops.
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Not a problem, at least on my end. I've seen many different fantasy-era game worlds where gunpowder-like weapons are involved (i.e. "Pillars of Eternity" and "Rift"), and where there's some blend between magic & technology (i.e. The Charr & Asuran Inventions on "Guild Wars 2". I'll keep your preferences in mind, if or when I make my contributions.
 
Idea for a male offspring of Bryce & Cielina, not necessarily firstborn or heir to the throne:

Maybe when he comes of age, while his parents are still on the throne, he could be a diplomat/adventurer. He could travel the known world, learning about the different cultures, and meet various people along the way. He could also encounter some monsters not heard of in Itheria, and bring any knowledge back home, if he survives.
 
It sound intriguing. I certainly do enjoy adventure-y stories and it would help me flesh out the resource page a bit(which reminds me that I really should get to updating that).

My only real concern with it is that the premise of the story is playing as the King or Queen. Not the life and times of the third son's adventuring career. With that said, I'm not totally against the idea as long as the transition is smooth. Especially if you already have some ideas of where he'll go and what he'll encounter on his trip. Perhaps when the time comes for him to get permission from King Bryce; there can be an option to either continue reigning or follow the son on his adventures.
 
I also enjoy the story and might add to it in the future. Haven't read everything yet though, I need to learn more about canon lore. ;)
 
merkros said:
It sound intriguing. I certainly do enjoy adventure-y stories and it would help me flesh out the resource page a bit(which reminds me that I really should get to updating that).

My only real concern with it is that the premise of the story is playing as the King or Queen. Not the life and times of the third son's adventuring career. With that said, I'm not totally against the idea as long as the transition is smooth. Especially if you already have some ideas of where he'll go and what he'll encounter on his trip. Perhaps when the time comes for him to get permission from King Bryce; there can be an option to either continue reigning or follow the son on his adventures.
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That was my thoughts. I threw the idea up there because if I play it to where Bryce has a full reign, then the firstborn would likely be in his/her 30's. Your thoughts did bring up another possible path. Maybe I can do an option where the reader can continue to follow Bryce's reign, or follow the heir's journeys.
 
If I didn't have the 50 year old limit in place, it would eventually work itself out where the next person in line would be a younger person. Something would happen, an heir would die before taking the throne and that heir's oldest son died in a war leaving a younger heir to take the throne, or someone would die of natural causes at an in opportune time.

However, it's true that if nothing dramatic happens, the average ruler of Itheria will rule until they're 50 and their heir will take the throne when they are in their thirties. The likelihood of a king or queen dying before 50 of natural causes is pretty unlikely. Perhaps lore-wise that's why that tradition is in place. It's a problem, because most readers probably prefer their in-story role to be that of a spry 20 year old and to have a full reign. However, I don't wish to reverse my decision to put that rule in place, because all it would take would be someone to have a kid with an elf or something and suddenly we have Kings sitting on the throne for 300 year lengths, or longer if that half-elf ruler has kids with another elf.

I want to stay away from super long reigns like that, because I feel that it will eventually get pretty stale. So perhaps your idea of following one of the King's kids on their adventures when things get peaceful could become the norm.

The other option would be to make the story so lethal that it's unlikely for someone to survive to that 50 year mark.
 
Hello everyone!

Javalar has recommended in the comments that I start using the conditional variables that weren't available when i first started my story. Now, personally I probably will not use them unless an option for hidden conditions becomes available and even then not until the current story arcs are over. However, I do recognize that other writers who wish to write for the story may wish to use them and that the conditional variables would cut back on some of the more copy/paste chapters that may arise.

I have some reservations about adding conditional variables this late in the story, because people would be expecting them when they press 'start game' and they may not see any for awhile. However, I would be willing to enable them, if writers who wish to use them add some kind of disclamar at the beginning of their story arcs (Uses conditional variables) or something along those lines. That way people don't get confused if they're not using conditional variables and stumble into the wrong thread, or because they are using conditional variables and wondering where they're all hiding.

Anyway, I wanted to get other perspectives on this and whether or not the conditional variables would actually be used, before i performed the necessary edits to make them possible.
 
I personally like them and I might use them when I start to contribute.

But I can see your points as well. (Although nothing a note at the beginning of the story couldn't fix). I am also curious how other people think about this.
 
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