How involved in your kink are you in real life?

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haileytraynor

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We as authors love putting words onto paper (or screens) by making outlandish crazy scenarios whether it’s sex scenes, embarrassing scenes, domination, submission, furries, whatever, but I’m curious how involved are you in real life?

(obviously you don’t have to give personal details, but more like have you explored BDSM, ABDL, ENF, exhibitionism, voyeurism, or whatever your kink is, could be something you don’t even write about)

Do you have any stories to share? Maybe incidents that reflect your kink, maybe something that awakened your curiosities, or just something that happened and then later you imagined if it would play out differently. I’m just curious if we’re all just “virgins” to our kinks or if we have genuine moments where you’ve explored even just a tiny bit of your kink in real life. Not through stories, not through movies, not through shows but actually in your life.
 
For me, I don’t have much. I don’t really have times where I’ve explored ENF or exhibitionism or any of that. But I will say I do sometimes sleep topless or naked. I imagine being caught or waking up needing to quickly throw something on. There have been times where I sleep in my dorm at college and I had to throw something on quickly because the fire alarm went off. I did manage to find something, but I later imagined having to run out naked because I couldn’t find my clothes and being caught by others having to explain my embarrassing state of dress or lack thereof. I think most of my kink explorations is internal. There’s not a time where I’ve openly lived it, but my brain has a crazy imagination. Also there have been dreams I’ve had that outright just explores my kink. There was one time I dreamed I was naked at a daycare I used to go to, and I was being questioned why I was naked and they started laughing. I had to run outside naked and my face was burning. There have been similar cases where I’ve dreamed I’m at high school or college just naked.
 
1) I am a virgin.

2) I don't have a female friend.

3) I don't think I can force them to shorten their hair, even if I did have a girlfriend.

4) Having an octopus fuck them is probably a big no-no.

So sadly I can't explore my own kinks in real life. I'd say that that's my motivation as to why I write erotica, but in all fairness, I just want to write a story for others to enjoy in the end.
 
I write a lot of femdom and that's also what I'm into as a sub, but I haven't really had the chance to explore that ever in real life. I'd love to try if I found a girl who was interested and we could explore that together. Though what I write does tend to be a bit more extreme than what I'd feel comfortable doing. The actual BDSM elements tends to be rather mild in my stories, with just like some mild bondage and spanking and stuff all of which I'd love to try, but there's often a huge amount of control given over to the domme in my stories since I find that really hot as a fantasy, but I don't think it's realistic to expect that or even if I actually want to be controlled to that extent.

I'm not sure exactly if there's an incident I can point to that led to me enjoying that so much. I've always liked strong, assertive women and found it more difficult to take make decisions or take control of things myself. And I love pleasing people and making them happy as well, which definitely bleeds into the relationships I've had with girls.

I am also into femboys and crossdressing, which I have explored a bit more, if only in private. I do look quite short and girly, and I find it fun to dress up and play into that a bit. That's not really sexual for me, I just enjoy it.
 
If you are asking if we're all virgins, I think the answer is probably. After all, why would we read or write smut online if we are all satisfied sexually? I'm big into anything wholesome and lovey-dovey when reading or writing erotica, but I doubt to find that in my life. In terms of virginity, yes I am a virgin. All the girls in the neighborhood that I live in are wannabe whores and clique-obsessed sluts, and any girls online are probably worse (I don't know, I steer clear from social media). I'm very antisocial, and I don't like interacting with people any more than I truly need to. Call me a loner if you wish because I won't deny it. Having a girlfriend is a lot more trouble than it's worth, and I prefer to write all my romances by removing any of the negatives of an IRL relationship, probably due to some wishful thinking. I'm not an incel (can't be, I'm not white), but I'm a pretty big fatalist in terms of my sexual life. I don't see myself experiencing one of the understanding, caring, and heart-warming relationships that I write about in my life. Don't feel pity for me, I don't need it, I would rather focus my time on Earth on more important things than girls anyway, such as writing about girls that I wish to have but never will.
 
YveltalWarrior said:
If you are asking if we're all virgins, I think the answer is probably. After all, why would we read or write smut online if we are all satisfied sexually? I'm big into anything wholesome and lovey-dovey when reading or writing erotica, but I doubt to find that in my life. In terms of virginity, yes I am a virgin. All the girls in the neighborhood that I live in are wannabe whores and clique-obsessed sluts, and any girls online are probably worse (I don't know, I steer clear from social media). I'm very antisocial, and I don't like interacting with people any more than I truly need to. Call me a loner if you wish because I won't deny it. Having a girlfriend is a lot more trouble than it's worth, and I prefer to write all my romances by removing any of the negatives of an IRL relationship, probably due to some wishful thinking. I'm not an incel (can't be, I'm not white), but I'm a pretty big fatalist in terms of my sexual life. I don't see myself experiencing one of the understanding, caring, and heart-warming relationships that I write about in my life. Don't feel pity for me, I don't need it, I would rather focus my time on Earth on more important things than girls anyway, such as writing about girls that I wish to have but never will.
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No no, you misread my usage of virgin. I’m not asking about literal virginity, unless it applies to your kink. I am basically asking if you have ever explored your kink in real life. For example if you like BDSM, have you ever tied yourself up, ever spanked yourself, or did anything where you explored your community in real life maybe even had a dominatrix or a sub or whatever. For ENF maybe you streaked somewhere maybe you were caught, that kind of thing. Whatever your kink is, how much experience do you have of it in real life is what I’m asking. I used the term virgin as in someone who hasn’t really experienced their kink.
 
Well, in that case, I tend to stick to traditional stuff when it comes to my sexual preferences. I'm not big into anything beyond what is possible by the human body and in nature and would rather see two partners act as equals. So, no, I don't spank myself because that's messed up (no offense to anyone who's a fan of BDSM out there), and no, I'm not the type to run down a street naked (because that could lead to criminal charges). So, I guess the answer to your question is I'm a virgin to my kink. Honestly, I think I need to start reading the whole question before writing a few pages worth of response.
 
YveltalWarrior said:
Well, in that case, I tend to stick to traditional stuff when it comes to my sexual preferences. I'm not big into anything beyond what is possible by the human body and in nature and would rather see two partners act as equals. So, no, I don't spank myself because that's messed up (no offense to anyone who's a fan of BDSM out there), and no, I'm not the type to run down a street naked (because that could lead to criminal charges). So, I guess the answer to your question is no.
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I was providing examples. You have a kink that you write to correct? I’m asking if you have real life experience to whatever that is, even if it’s something small or even if it wasn’t in public. I was giving examples that would apply to those kinks, but I was asking for whatever YOUR kink is. Some people draw from experience so some are involved in real life with the kinks they enjoy even if it’s done so privately. Others never delve into their kinks and just live through their fantasy thoughts and not applying them in real life scenarios.
 
Okay, to answer your question as best and as soberly as I can (because I'm writing this with about 9 beers in my system): no, every kink that I have has not been experienced outside of porn or erotica.
 
YveltalWarrior said:
Okay, to answer your question as best and as soberly as I can (because I'm writing this with about 9 beers in my system): no, every kink that I have has not been experienced outside of porn or erotica.
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The converse of this is also true - in that having gotten to a certain age I have by now managed to experience several kinks that I dont actually possess. (Tried some once and thought, nope not for me).
I'm not entirely sure I have a kink as such. However there are a few items of clothing that put me instantly back into lust-filled teenager mode. (e.g. Lycra and leg warmers like 1980s Fame count as a Full-blown fetish for me).
Most of my experience of interest thats worth writing about was probably in my first decade of adulthood and are generally ill-advised mistakes. I occaionally use a little of it in writing, but some of it is so ridiculously stupid that I cant think of a reasonable way to incorporate it into a chapter.
However, I do still get naked and run down the street at the drop of a hat. but thats not too unusual a sight around these parts - and I'm maybe not as fast as I used to be.
 
The only meaningful 'kink' that affects what I read or write on CHYOA is one for situation and context. There's nothing better than when two characters are realistic and fleshed-out with an interesting relationship dynamic. I enjoy anything sexual that occurs as an element of a wider story or game, perhaps because it is a more accurate reflection of reality than a piece of writing that is purely pornographic. That's not to say that I need non-sexual content to appreciate sexual content; a sufficiently well written piece can set up a compelling situation in a few paragraphs and sprinkle relevant external information about the people involved and where this incident takes place in their lives throughout the writing.

Depending on your perspective, you could either say that I practice this 'kink' quite regularly by virtue of existing, or you could say that to plan and set up specific relationships and situations with others would demand a level of manipulation and deception of which most people are not capable.

YveltalWarrior said:
If you are asking if we're all virgins, I think the answer is probably. (etc.)
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Speak for yourself...?
 
SOME of what I write about, yes. Real life includes: Sex in the friendly company of others who came with the intention to watch and be watched. Sex-positive feminism. Bisexuality. Friends with benefits. One long-term FWB hits multiple of my fetish points (approx: sexy librarian). Oral, oral, oral (mostly with barriers in real life). Anal play (but much less in real life). Many details taken from life, out of context.

MOST of what I write about, no.
 
YveltalWarrior said:
If you are asking if we're all virgins, I think the answer is probably. After all, why would we read or write smut online if we are all satisfied sexually?
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I am sexually active, sexually happy, sexually satisfied and yes, I do explore some of my kinks with my female partner. I write (and read) porn online for the same reason that I read fantasy books or other novels: To escape the boundaries of the real world, delve into "what if" scenarios or explore fantasies that are either unrealistic or probably simply not that much fun in real life. Having a harem of women can sound absolutely great in your dreams, while being rather tedious and exhausting in real life, starting with managing relations, emotions or jealousy in between people involved, not even to mention the aspect of financing and organizing.

In fact, I consider my main kink, which can probably be summarized by "BDSM" to be something that, at least for me, always involves a big degree of escapism, play-act and pretending. Which translates perfectly into written stories. If I "dominate" my partner in bed, degrade her, humiliate her or play-rape her, I do none of those things with the slightest intent of "wanting it to be real". Quite the contrary. The knowledge for both that this isn't real is what provides the fun for both sides.

So for me, escaping into porn stories is nothing more or less than exploring my own fantasies, which, in turn, might find their way back into my bed. Seen from this angle, I am just involved in my kink in real life as I am in my stories, with my kink is "in real life" mostly just as virtual as it is in my stories. I can use chains and ropes and spreader bars and ballgags and vibrators, of course, but the actual "kink" for me is not even about using those props but building stories in my head around them: The captured slave, the abducted princess, the defeated female pirate, whatever. That's playing all inside my head anyway.

The other interesting benefit is that I can write stories from the POV of the women, so I can be present inside her head and transmit her feelings even more intensely as I ever could feel or witness them by, well, "being me" in the real world and watching a woman from the outside. That intensifies all of her struggles and her arousal and her submission, which are all big kinks for me.
 
Glad you found someone who cares about you and loves you, some of us won't get that, but that's okay. As for your dom-sub fetish, I can see why it would exist, but I just don't like it out of personal opinion.

Also, I'm impressed that you claim to write in a woman's perspective (I never read any of your works, but I'll take your word for it). I usually can't write smut fron a girl's point of view because it always sounds fake to me when I reread what I wrote.

One part that stood out to me was the fact you mentioned having a harem. Only the rich and powerful can maintain the financial aspects for one. I agree that they probably aren't satisfying to the harem women involved. It isn't hard to doubt that a single fat guy with cash can fuck ten girls at once.
 
Im just a simple reader here but this post does a good job echoing my thoughts
Javalar said:
I am sexually active, sexually happy, sexually satisfied and yes, I do explore some of my kinks with my female partner. I write (and read) porn online for the same reason that I read fantasy books or other novels: To escape the boundaries of the real world, delve into "what if" scenarios or explore fantasies that are either unrealistic or probably simply not that much fun in real life. Having a harem of women can sound absolutely great in your dreams, while being rather tedious and exhausting in real life, starting with managing relations, emotions or jealousy in between people involved, not even to mention the aspect of financing and organizing.

In fact, I consider my main kink, which can probably be summarized by "BDSM" to be something that, at least for me, always involves a big degree of escapism, play-act and pretending. Which translates perfectly into written stories. If I "dominate" my partner in bed, degrade her, humiliate her or play-rape her, I do none of those things with the slightest intent of "wanting it to be real". Quite the contrary. The knowledge for both that this isn't real is what provides the fun for both sides.

So for me, escaping into porn stories is nothing more or less than exploring my own fantasies, which, in turn, might find their way back into my bed. Seen from this angle, I am just involved in my kink in real life as I am in my stories, with my kink is "in real life" mostly just as virtual as it is in my stories. I can use chains and ropes and spreader bars and ballgags and vibrators, of course, but the actual "kink" for me is not even about using those props but building stories in my head around them: The captured slave, the abducted princess, the defeated female pirate, whatever. That's playing all inside my head anyway.
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But yeah basically I like reading stories featuring bdsm, femdom, pegging and a uh particularly specific erotica of basically anything set in like a high middle ages setting, I blame that last one on my older sibling dragging me to renfairs and the like as a kid when I was impressionable, but oh boy have I always liked pretending I was a countess or something though I have havent really tried to include that brand sexy roleplay in my personal life too much. As to the former well yeah basically all stuff I have done I remember being exposed to it on the internet and thinking oh that's neat but no more thought than that until a ex bf who was into it and we convinced each other to do some experimenting and I got hooked def something I wasn't able to realize I liked as much as I did until I experienced it.
That said I was also into yaoi when I was younger and still like reading m/m stuff but obviously not something I can truly experience, Though a couple times I did do some sexual roleplay pretending to be a guy which was kind of interesting.
A lot of times I get ideas from reading for fantasies or even personal stories of my own, on a rare occasion I'll even come across something tantalizing I want to incorporate into my personal life.

PrinceCai said:
I write a lot of femdom and that's also what I'm into as a sub, but I haven't really had the chance to explore that ever in real life. I'd love to try if I found a girl who was interested and we could explore that together. Though what I write does tend to be a bit more extreme than what I'd feel comfortable doing. The actual BDSM elements tends to be rather mild in my stories, with just like some mild bondage and spanking and stuff all of which I'd love to try, but there's often a huge amount of control given over to the domme in my stories since I find that really hot as a fantasy, but I don't think it's realistic to expect that or even if I actually want to be controlled to that extent.
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Hope you find someone PrinceCai. But that's another thing sometimes its nice fantasizing about stuff that may be in the same realm as your kink but it is def not something you want to do irl. Having a cute boy serve my every whim and being submissive 24/7 is a nice fantasy but I know from experience I don't really want that beyond a momentary fantasy, of course doesn't help that that experience featured a very clingy and self centered guy.

AlexandraS90 said:
I like guro, but I'm alive and not posting this from prison, so...
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Which means you are very good at it right? ;)
 
Some. Like most people, I find a wide variety of things interesting - transformation, domination, mind control, free use, plenty of others - but the one thing that probably encompasses all the rest is, simply, control. To some extent, I'm able to experience that. My partner is my submissive, and we explore that dynamic pretty thoroughly, including some roleplaying of stranger scenarios, so I can get my dom rocks off pretty well and touch on some other things.

That said, it's obviously impossible to, say, transform her into a slutty catgirl on command, and it would probably make both of our lives unpleasant if we tried to get her implants bigger than her head. So that's mostly what I write (and read) erotica for, to explore those fantasies that are either literally impossible or totally impractical in real life. Not that other stuff doesn't occasionally catch my attention, of course; but rarely, and usually less so.
 
My kinks are heavy maledom and are usually quite rough, borderline violent. So no, the things I write about is extremely detached from my real sexual activities. This may sound super super weird but I bumped into someone very sweaty in a gym some years ago, basically my face was buried inside the man's chest for a second. And for some reason his smell kinda woke a part of me that I did not know about. I don't even remember his face, (come to think of it I didn't even tried to look at his face) but I remember clearly he wears a white tank top and his smell.
 
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