This is the new feedback thread for A Special Hell. The original frankly was completely useless as many of the ideas I expressed there never ended up getting used, and frankly would confuse folks to read with the numerous digressions, weird songs, etc... It was just messy. So, Thank you Friedman for the special dispensation/permission to create a new thread. This one will be better organized, with only information folks actually Want to hear, and not endless excuses why the story wasn't being worked on. ;p Characters: Brent: Our Main POV character for the most part. Military Veteran, bad fashion sense, Firefly Fanboy, decent cook, and a bit clueless. Misses a LOT of stuff that is pretty obvious to the audience, at least to judge from the comments. Kaila: Brent's Wife of Two years. A bit duplicitous, and plays a lot of twin games with her twin sister Carla. A shapely blonde college professor who hates her job and would rather be playing the saxophone full time. Later revealed to be currently one month pregnant with Brent's baby but has not informed Brent due to fear of a second ectopic pregnancy. Helen: A tomboyish woman who embodies many of the lesbian stereotypes and fully embraces them. Initially extremely hostile to Brent, but warms up to him about halfway through the story and the two eventually become lovers. Girlfriend to Charlotte, and they are a permanent couple, despite Charlotte's history of multiple lovers. Charlotte: An extremely voluptuous woman who delights in her blatant sexuality. Affects a southern accent for sex appeal but occasionally drops it when excited or upset. Works In IT, and surprisingly good at understanding other people's relationships. Has had bad poly relationships in the past and is seriously doubtful as to their efficacy Carla: Kaila's twin sister. Also a college professor, but plays Cello and video games a lot. Also a bit of a homemaker/caretaker, constantly cleaning up after her "little" sister. (Carla is older by about five minutes.) Enjoys playing twin games and has always had a thing for both Brent and his Sister, but has never made a move. Occasionally has swapped out with Kaila to sleep with Brent, without his knowledge. Imogene: Brent's Little Sister. Has a thing for her older brother, and wants to break up his marriage with Kaila, because she believes that Kaila is cheating on Brent. Willing to pull a lot of very sneaky tricks that rely on Brent running to his sister's defense. Joan: A Hotel desk clerk at the "Tickle Pink" Inn, who ends up sleeping with Carla, Charlotte and Kaila... offscreen. A short little Brunette, we haven't heard much about her, other than that she likes girls. Nikki: A very Greek gal from Chicago. Currently in town for a large family wedding at a local resort, and not happily married. Long dark hair, and wears clothes that accent her figure. During a chance encounter, ends up sleeping with Brent and finding out she really likes him. Maria: A CHP officer who also has a chance encounter with Brent and makes a date with him later. Single Mom, Hispanic, divorced, and has a decent sense of humor as well as hadn't gotten laid in years when the opportunity presented itself. Eris: Goddess of Chaos. Swirling blonde and black hair. Hawk wings. Nice Smile. Enjoys long walks, games, legal arguments, eighties movies, seventies music, and sixties fashion. If she shows up, you're in trouble. Can be good trouble or bad trouble, but it's trouble. Period. So, short version of the entire story, because it's long, convoluted and I didn't do a synopsis because I wanted to avoid spoilers. It's now to the point where pretty much everybody knows the twists, so no big whoop on it anymore. Synopsis: Brent and Kaila are on a second honeymoon to a Big Sur cabin. Along the way they meet Helen and Charlotte, who are hitchhiking due to a screw up on the weather. Through a complicated sequence of events, the two women end up on Brent's honeymoon. At that point Nature takes over and Brent ends up fucking all three women, until the final ending branch when he receives a call from his sister needing help. At that point the story splits into five wildly different narratives depending on Brent's choices. The current endings: Helen: Brent discovers he's in a recreation of the Judgement of Paris. Kaila: Brent ends up having a fight with Kaila regarding twin games, and ends up building a relationship with Carla. The suggestion at the end is that things are not fixed, but a work in progress. Charlotte: Brent seduces his sister with both Carla and Charlotte's help. Go Alone: Brent seduces two additional women while out and about alone, and returns to the cabin in a dominant role. (Still in progress) Take Everybody: Eris Goddess of Chaos takes over and makes the ending... strange. Really strange. Think Monty Python meets Doctor Who meets seventies TV meets the Beatles meets Bill and Ted Excellent Adventure. I mean... weird. Fun weird... but weird. So... this is the place to post ending suggestions, scenes you'd like changed, etc... etc... etc... Or if you just want to tell me about a typo I missed, you can do that to. Dick comments involving "Stop Writing" "Kill Yourself" or "Your Story Sucks" without any reasons WHY it sucks and how you would improve it will be impolitely mocked. And MUSIC! Because I do that.
AAAAND it's DONE. At least as far as taking this story seriously. Phew. I just wrote 15 endings and spent way too long thinking out possibilities. Just so folks know what's going on with ASH now. I'm heading back into goofing off territory. The "Chocolate" endings are going to be every shitty ending I can think of from hollywood. Because I'm out of Ideas, so I'm going to rip off everybody I can and just have fun with it. Don't expect a lot of meaning in these... this is going to pure chaos. In addition I'll be making a few changes at one portion that I think could use and update. Other than that... If you want something in here, nows the time to chime in!
Since I don't feel good about ever deleting work, I'm reworking a few older chapters to be more in line with Charlotte's later characterization. Makes the beats a LITTLE different, but I hope folks enjoy it.
I wasn't too keen on the supernatural thread because it kind of came out of left field without a hint of it. The rest of the "natural world" threads were great -- of course with my thing with harems I liked the ending where Brent essentially has several wives and a brood of kids with them.
Thanks for the feedback! Yeah, a couple of the supernaturals were just ridiculously silly, but I plead insanity. At least I hope left field was entertaining. Glad you enjoyed the other endings and I had at least one that was to your taste. IMHO, the story's pretty much done, and I'm mostly just screwing around with it now and having fun. Anything folks want... when your GM's in a good mood is the time to ask... just mentioning.
Been a long journey, but after a month, no requests and dwindling likes, I'm happy to say that ASH is done. Was a long happy story, but I don't believe I'll be doing any further updates, unless specifically requested. Stay tuned for my next story, "Spice of the Dragon". Less on the feels, more on the funny and sexy.
