A Storm of Emotions [feedback, suggestions, contributions]

F

fishcrem

Virgin
Hello just wanted to see if I could get some feedback or suggestions on my foray into writing.

Just started a couple of days ago and I'm happy that people are reading it! I have no real experience writing stories but I guess I read a lot. Would appreciate some constructive criticism and tips on making sentences flow? Maybe also descriptions and what needs to be there and what doesn't in an erotic setting.

Suggestions, requests and contributions are also welcome. I'm always happy for people to add to the story as long as it all makes sense.

Anyway the story can be found here.

Cheers in advance!
 
I have only read the first chapter and the chapter about information and plans: but I have one tip already:

1: Replace all tags that have a space in them, they are non-searchable.

I will update with more over the next few hours.
 
Interesting concept, and you've delivered well on it. The characters definitely have verisimilitude.

Good proof reading. Interesting dialogue.

I wish you well with it, and I'll try to remember to drop a few likes your way as encouragement!

Hints for making up fantasy names. Get an Atlas. An old atlas. Flip randomly and stab your finger down at random. You'll find a city, or place name that you've probably never heard of. That's your starting point. If you want the character to sound like they're a specific ethnicity, aim for a specific part of the world. That's of course the most basic way I've found to make exotic sounding names that sound "Real". If you want to make it seem more fantasy, flip a couple of letters around so that the name sounds more natural to your speech.
 
An old atlas! So much better than my current method of using a number and some "towney"object or joining different types of wood with some medieval object. Will have to find myself one soon.

Proofreading is due to my career, it's a curse in itself in day to day life. Too many people texting and posting with poor grammar.

Interesting that you praise my dialogue. I usually find those parts the hardest to write. Guess I spend a lot of time thinking about it. Thank you Brev, glad I'm not falling flat on my face.
 
Very nice story.

Enjoying it so far. Keep it up!

I am personally not fond of descriptions like "7 inch cock", partly because coming from Germany, inch means nothing to me and could also read "52 floffknobbles long" for the same effect, but, more importantly, because I don't think anybody can actually measure size exactly without a measuring tool. We had that discussion here in the "breast sizes" thread. There are people who see it differently. But for me, it breaks my immersion if I have a 3rd person limited narrator who knows exactly how long a penis is.

But that's just a very small issue.
 
Javalar said:
Very nice story.

Enjoying it so far. Keep it up!

I am personally not fond of descriptions like "7 inch cock", partly because coming from Germany, inch means nothing to me and could also read "52 floffknobbles long" for the same effect, but, more importantly, because I don't think anybody can actually measure size exactly without a measuring tool. We had that discussion here in the "breast sizes" thread. There are people who see it differently. But for me, it breaks my immersion if I have a 3rd person limited narrator who knows exactly how long a penis is.

But that's just a very small issue.
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Ahh ok no problem. I can see what you mean. To be honest My country doesn't use the imperial system either. I guess it's just the norm for penises to be described with inches so I stuck with that. I totally get the breasts thing and I hate using cup sizes too. I'll keep it in mind for the future.
 
Really loving this group work with three authors at the moment.

Turning out very nice so far, how everybody adds small little details which the others pick up or build on for their respective chapters and storylines.
 
Can't thank you guys enough! I promise I'll get through all the pending chapters as soon as I can!
I am really sorry that Will's path hasn't progressed much but I'm just having so much fun writing Katarina's storyline at the moment. Sexytime with Silenya coming soon though!
 
Fishcrem I must tell you thank you for fixed my grammar mistakes and making my chapters more richer by your edit. They look like much better than I could handle it. Pretty thanks and keept going.
 
Regin34 said:
Fishcrem I must tell you thank you for fixed my grammar mistakes and making my chapters more richer by your edit. They look like much better than I could handle it. Pretty thanks and keept going.
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No problem! Anything to make the story richer. Keep the perverse ideas coming.
 
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