Duskford
CHYOA Guru
Great to see you back, umbra! Looking forward to your new scenes.
At the Cabin
- Thread starter johnhoftb
- Start date
Great to see you back, umbra! Looking forward to your new scenes.
umbra
Experienced
Really sucks I can't find my outline. Most of my notes were in that doc, and I feel like I'm missing one of my important story wide plot points. Gavin's chapter is missing something and I'm not sure what it is but I think it relates to that plot point. Also, don't like my Kurt/Chloe kiss scene. She comes off as love struck, rather than stunned and pleasantly surprised. Definitely needs a rewrite. Duskford did I share with you anything regarding the Gavin/Heather arc.
I remember having Gavin crushing on Heather with him using her as his inspiration for "Clover". He's kept his crush secret from his other friends unlike Zak. He suffers from mild social anxiety and is slightly intimidated her but wishes he could be more like her. His friendship with Zak comes from Zak helping him with bullies but he resists Zak and Chloe's efforts to become more physically active (Karate, Running). During the first night, he masturbates to the sight of Chloe touching herself (she's stifling herself because she doesn't want to wake Gavin) and the sounds of Ashley/Brandon in the room across from theirs.
Heather is a Queen Bee, but very aware of her status and the power of perception thanks to her father constantly reminding her. As head cheer, she uses the other cheerleaders to screen "her boys". Her interest in Zak stems from Lisa, and Chen stems from "Un-named Cheer". When Ashley approached Heather with her idea for setting Victoria up with a nice guy, decided to preempt and load up with guys she wanted. Victoria can still have her good guy, it will just be after she finally got what she wanted. Zak convinced her to let Gavin and Chloe to come along, but I don't remember the reason. The sorting was fixed, but I can't remember if it was Zak, Chloe, or Ashley who discovered it. She becomes attracted to Gavin after reading then acting out the "Clover" scenes. She begins to want Gavin more than Zak, Brandon despite Gavin being less skilled, endowed than all the other males. When she realizes its more than a physical attraction she starts to push him away because love is not in her plans.
I really feel like I'm forgetting an important part of this arc.
Edit: Posted Sorting edit. Nothing major was changed. Mostly flavor.
I remember having Gavin crushing on Heather with him using her as his inspiration for "Clover". He's kept his crush secret from his other friends unlike Zak. He suffers from mild social anxiety and is slightly intimidated her but wishes he could be more like her. His friendship with Zak comes from Zak helping him with bullies but he resists Zak and Chloe's efforts to become more physically active (Karate, Running). During the first night, he masturbates to the sight of Chloe touching herself (she's stifling herself because she doesn't want to wake Gavin) and the sounds of Ashley/Brandon in the room across from theirs.
Heather is a Queen Bee, but very aware of her status and the power of perception thanks to her father constantly reminding her. As head cheer, she uses the other cheerleaders to screen "her boys". Her interest in Zak stems from Lisa, and Chen stems from "Un-named Cheer". When Ashley approached Heather with her idea for setting Victoria up with a nice guy, decided to preempt and load up with guys she wanted. Victoria can still have her good guy, it will just be after she finally got what she wanted. Zak convinced her to let Gavin and Chloe to come along, but I don't remember the reason. The sorting was fixed, but I can't remember if it was Zak, Chloe, or Ashley who discovered it. She becomes attracted to Gavin after reading then acting out the "Clover" scenes. She begins to want Gavin more than Zak, Brandon despite Gavin being less skilled, endowed than all the other males. When she realizes its more than a physical attraction she starts to push him away because love is not in her plans.
I really feel like I'm forgetting an important part of this arc.
Edit: Posted Sorting edit. Nothing major was changed. Mostly flavor.
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Duskford
CHYOA Guru
umbra, I don't remember if you shared anything major, I just recall you saying that Heather had a list of things she wanted to try on the trip and one of those things required three guys. On this topic, there's a few posts you made a few pages back, and the comments on your threads, maybe there's something there that can help you remember.
umbra
Experienced
Thanks Duskford. Yeah I already those and it helped me remember what I was doing with Zak/Ashley/Chloe background threading. I have also reread the Vain thread line since that was a major inspiration on my pairings and some of the character portrayals. I was just really hoping I might have shared something in a private message because one of my partials has Heather talking to Zak at the gazebo about going out. It's completely at odds with how she strong arms him into sex at the end of the first night and my remembered plans of Heather/Gavin being a bittersweet endgame couple. I, also, remember I had plans for Lisa but nothing of those plans.
"Head" is done. As usual, I'm going to let it set for a day before re-read make sure it's what I want then post. It feels like I'm missing something but hopefully it will come to me before the end of day one.
Edit: thanks for reminding me about the comments. I'll check there and see if something jogs.
"Head" is done. As usual, I'm going to let it set for a day before re-read make sure it's what I want then post. It feels like I'm missing something but hopefully it will come to me before the end of day one.
Edit: thanks for reminding me about the comments. I'll check there and see if something jogs.
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umbra
Experienced
Chapter posted. "Victorian Assignments" may take awhile as it doesn't have a partial and I'm still trying to piece together the various threads I planned. "I Kissed a Boy" will probably be posted at the same time since it appears to be mostly complete minus some edits. Slightly good news, I found the outline I created for Vain's story string. Heavy influence on mine, but not completely the same and it's missing my character notes. C'est la vie.
Duskford
CHYOA Guru
Approved it. Looked really good, and from what I'm sending, you have a very sound storyline planned. Keep up the great work!
Duskford
CHYOA Guru
boomer97 asked me to delete it, because he had ideas about improving his storyline.
ahh ok. if you read his boomer I really enjoyed what you were doing. Was maybe not a fan of Vicky agreeing to the threesome so quick, but it fit the overall story and was written really well. I look forward to your upgraded version
Duskford
CHYOA Guru
Okay, boomer97 messaged me and said he won't be able to continue his storyline for the foreseeable future. I managed then to put the threads back online, so another author can branch it or even continue it, which I highly encourage to, since boomer's storyline offers very good, interesting spots for anyone to jump in.
Zingiber
Really Really Experienced
Thanks, I was wondering why I suddenly had "28 Notifications".
bummed to hear this, was a really good twist on the story. was looking forward to Zack going after Madison
to continue what i posted as a comment on Duskford's latest thread, was reading through that whole scene last night. had an itch to do a Dustin/Victoria scene but didn't find a place for a clean break there. Of course could always have her run to dustin after the kiss with kendra, I may look at that later. also been looking at my bad endings thread as that involved those same scenes and hope to get some new chapters up this weekend. (I post this to motivate myself to follow through)
Duskford
CHYOA Guru
There are a few places on the map where a Dustin/Victoria scene can fit in:
1. The scene you mentioned, but it can also take place before the kiss, with Vicky merely deciding to be with Dustin.
2. Near the point where my old main thread stopped, in the ranger station, you could have Victoria getting into a closet with Dustin instead of Brandon. Or even before they get to the station, the two of them get separated from Brandon and end up getting it on in the woods.
3. In the branch Cretan_Bull14 made on the old orgy storyline, there's a moment Victoria decides to be with Dustin, but later she appears back at the cabin saying she changed her mind, which set up the hot tub threesome. You could merely continue from where Vicky still was with Dustin.
I was actually thinking about this earlier today. Vicky in the closet with Dustin...
The challenge is to find a different buildup, because those scenes b/t Brandon and Vicky were incredibly hot, and i don't want to imitate them too closely, need to find a different hook
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Duskford
CHYOA Guru
Hmm, I see. Well, the scene between Victoria and Brandon was all about the forbidden aspect, him having broken up with Ashley recently and her being Ash's best friend and one of his friends' crush. With Dustin and Vicky, they already are into each other, it can be just a matter of giving in to their desires.
ok I want to introduce two new characters, a couple. The guy probably personality wise somewhere between Gavin and Zack, the girl personality wise somewhere between Vicky and Ashley, both being sporty, adventurous, but not athletes or cheerleaders.
But my question is, I was wondering if their were any characters introduced in the prequel that would fit? I don't want to use anyone on the basketball team though.
But my question is, I was wondering if their were any characters introduced in the prequel that would fit? I don't want to use anyone on the basketball team though.
Duskford
CHYOA Guru
Nope, there's no couple in Azure Rocks Chronicles other than Zack/Lisa and Brandon/Ashley. Other than them, the only characters who got more screen time in there were Kevin, Zack's teammate in the basketball team and the school principal, but maybe those don't fit what you're looking for. There's Mary Moreau and her fiance, Mr. David Ward, though.
Cretan_Bull14
Really Experienced
Quick question: Does Victoria have any siblings?
Duskford
CHYOA Guru
Not in At the Cabin, at least in my threads. In Azure Rocks Chronicles I was planning to introduce an older brother or sister, but never quite got around to it. You're free to write in a sibling for her if you want, though, I think there's room for it.