Azure Rocks

Duskford

Duskford

CHYOA Guru
Hey, guys, might as well make this the official forum thread for the new version of my Azure Rocks story. For those who know it, it features my main character, Zack Bishop, on his adventures in his hometown, Azure Rocks, during his senior year of high school. Follow him and his friends through mysteries, action-filled sequences, or mainly, adventures of the sexy kind, lol.

The link: https://chyoa.com/story/Azure-Rocks.42925
 
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I'm looking forward to finding out what Aaron has been up to. He's a character that really grew on me as the story developed and I liked his backstory. Coming from a father born of wedlock, growing up around the wealth of the Ravers while he had nothing; it's easy to see why he slipped so easily into the villain's team. Imagine how humiliating it must have been to realize his dad was working for his half-uncles. His dad doesn't seem like the type who would have complained, but Aaron probably internalized that. No wonder he was so ready to fight Logan at the dam.

And of course Jeremiah and the mystery man is a given. But I can't even begin to imagine where that's going. The riddles leading to Malcolm and a fight with
a mech
was very surprising first time around so I have no idea what's going to happen in Book 2.
 
Duskford said:
It's a walking irony if you look at it. Aaron grew up wanting to be a Ravers so bad that he resented them, but then ended up working for the only Ravers he trusted, only to find out he was one himself.
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It's like a Greek tragedy, is what it is, or would be, if Aaron ended up tearing out his own eyes or stabbing himself in the heart. I sort of imagine your story going a little differently though lol.

Wanting a seat at that table for so long only to find out he does have a place there is bound to mess with his head though. Actually being given everything you've ever dreamed of is difficult to handle. He could feel lost, or purposeless now, and drink or fuck himself numb, or he could just turn all of that frustration he had against the Ravers against Malcolm, the only one who knew, left him in the dark and manipulated him. Malcolm's already dying, but maybe not fast enough for Aaron, if the story is willing to go that dark.

Either way, obviously Logan will be the one to keep him from going too far. But there are definitely alternate ways various writers could go with Aaron.
 
This is exactly the kind of writing i enjoy: you do a great job blending dialogue with traditional description. You have long, arcing scenes that are very thorough... but you have a healthy ratio of sex to plot. Thought you did a great job describing the characters, and your character list with images is a smart, welcome idea that deserves emulation. Having only read for a few short stints, my biggest approval is of your 'short story gallery', (I particularly enjoyed the 3 Date Rule story), and, as stated, just how good the writing is.

If I can be bold enough to make one suggestion, it would be asking you to consider blending in some of the character images throughout the chapters. I think it would help bring them to life and you've already got them very well organized in the character list page.

Otherwise, keep it coming. The characters are also likable, which I think is hard to achieve in erotic fiction sometimes. I'll definitely bookmark this story to keep an eye on it. Thank you for so much dedication and great work on it.
 
I went looking for a Forums thread on your current version of Azure Rocks, https://chyoa.com/story/Azure-Rocks.42925 after spending some time looking over the main characters' connections page.

Anyway, I figured I'd drop in little connections map picture of Zack's clique, Grace's clique [Grace looks like she could drive some drama if anyone crossed her!], and Heather's clique. I didn't make it to the Harrison/Sharon drama crowd and the basketball team, or the college folks.

azure-rocks-zack-grace-heather-cliques.png
 
Yeah, the poor GraphViz Online algorithm is doing its best. It wants a manual re-edit in Inkscape or something to comb out the tangles and tighten up closer relationships.

I can already see some good / bad cycles where folks might egg each other on in good or bad ways. Grace's group could amplify grudges, since there's a common theme of being ill-used or held back, so they might champion someone in ways that someone isn't cool with. Or they could be motivated to dig up local mysteries, which could pull Zack in, and then Gavin for tech support.

Heather seems at the center of a "popularity" clique. Heather can blow off anything bad that happens nearby (Heather/Sharon or Ashley/Brandon or Scarlett goes nuclear drama?) but Ashley seems vulnerable to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune -- to a point; Hannah and Victoria are her reserve army.
 
Zingiber said:
Yeah, the poor GraphViz Online algorithm is doing its best. It wants a manual re-edit in Inkscape or something to comb out the tangles and tighten up closer relationships.

I can already see some good / bad cycles where folks might egg each other on in good or bad ways. Grace's group could amplify grudges, since there's a common theme of being ill-used or held back, so they might champion someone in ways that someone isn't cool with. Or they could be motivated to dig up local mysteries, which could pull Zack in, and then Gavin for tech support.

Heather seems at the center of a "popularity" clique. Heather can blow off anything bad that happens nearby (Heather/Sharon or Ashley/Brandon or Scarlett goes nuclear drama?) but Ashley seems vulnerable to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune -- to a point; Hannah and Victoria are her reserve army.
Click to expand...

Grace's group ended up with a variety of personalities that developed in quite the fun way in my thread and the other writers' as well. I don't know if you dipped into any of them yet, but that group seems to have surpassed Heather's in prominence, with the basketball guys taking a nice chunk of spotlight as well. Zack remains in the middle of it, trying to deal with everything that's throw at him. I thought the new dynamic of Heather being his cousin gave a nice background both for him and his family.
 
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