Bondage in Space

Your very first sentence seems to be somewhat complicated. I'm not a native speaker so I probably read it a half dozen of times to grasp the meaning.

Chapter length is quite good.

Physical descriptions are somewhat short or could need additional adjectives. (e.g. how do Melodia's nipples look like before (hard - soft, pink - brownish, big - small, cute - juicy, areola size) and after (hard? sore? red?) getting pinched.) More like the description of Melodia being tied up to the pole.
For my personal taste, the sex scenes are a little short. (e.g. where Melodia has another orgasm on the chair it is only described that she squirts and keep the breast in her mouth... imagine her screaming against the soft flesh, pressing the air out to all sides, before heavily inhaling through her nose and sucking at the nipple...)
I think your interjections are sometimes on the edge of being overdone.

The environment seems to be quite all-female.


Could be interesting to read this from the victim's POV. (e.g. when the strapon shocks the inside of her pussy which then clenches tightly around the shaft)

There could be also additional passengers, both on the victim's ship (sister or boyfriend) and on the bounty hunter's ship (maybe a prey of the bounty hunter which she never got paid for... after being worthless for the bounty hunter, the victim could have begged her for not kicking her out, offering her to do as she wishes, so she made him or her a willing long-term sex playmate (maybe a little older to be not much of a competition to the newer victims)).
 
Kore said:
Your very first sentence seems to be somewhat complicated. I'm not a native speaker so I probably read it a half dozen of times to grasp the meaning.

Chapter length is quite good.

Physical descriptions are somewhat short or could need additional adjectives. (e.g. how do Melodia's nipples look like before (hard - soft, pink - brownish, big - small, cute - juicy, areola size) and after (hard? sore? red?) getting pinched.) More like the description of Melodia being tied up to the pole.
For my personal taste, the sex scenes are a little short. (e.g. where Melodia has another orgasm on the chair it is only described that she squirts and keep the breast in her mouth... imagine her screaming against the soft flesh, pressing the air out to all sides, before heavily inhaling through her nose and sucking at the nipple...)
I think your interjections are sometimes on the edge of being overdone.

The environment seems to be quite all-female.


Could be interesting to read this from the victim's POV. (e.g. when the strapon shocks the inside of her pussy which then clenches tightly around the shaft)

There could be also additional passengers, both on the victim's ship (sister or boyfriend) and on the bounty hunter's ship (maybe a prey of the bounty hunter which she never got paid for... after being worthless for the bounty hunter, the victim could have begged her for not kicking her out, offering her to do as she wishes, so she made him or her a willing long-term sex playmate (maybe a little older to be not much of a competition to the newer victims)).
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Thanks for trying that many times to read the first sentence. I would have given up.

Descriptive writing is something I struggle with. What made the Pole tie description stand out to you? I'll try to incorporate some of you suggestions into future descriptions, this should lengthen the sex scenes a little bit.

The environment is female dominant.

Future story arcs will involve Natalia being on the losing end of things. More bad ends are also planned. This should give a nice mix between Dom and sub perspectives.

Adding more prisoners is something that I'm toying around with and will most likely include into one of the story branches at one point. I do kind of like playing around with prisoner management stories.
 
billybobjenkins362 said:
Thanks for trying that many times to read the first sentence. I would have given up.
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I'm here to learn/improve English so everything that's kind of practice ;)

billybobjenkins362 said:
What made the Pole tie description stand out to you?
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Well... the scene describes her position quite exactly and in a way which creates a picture in your head. (even if you're not familiar with the topic)

I think the bondage doesn't need much more description as it could be too much to explain every minute detail of the common theme. (This could be more important if she gets some special treatment. e.g. if she has rope with a knot between her pussy lips, it would be quite interesting to know where the pressure of the knot is (clit, hole, or anus) and how tight the pull is and if it rubs her delicate skin on every slight movement.)

It could also be interesting to know how the rope harnish emphasizes her tits (size?). Does it just frame them nicely, squeeze them at the base, or push them up, down, apart, or together.

For phsyical description... you could add a line about her pussy/thighs. Her outer pussy lips could be swollen/reddened. Her skin could be glistining wet. Maybe some beads of her juice run down her thighs.

Her arms are around the back and bound with rope at her wrists and ankles.
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I think it should only be "at her wrists"
which is tied to the pole at the thigh, the knee, and the ankle.
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maybe "which is tied to the pole at her thigh, knee, and ankle"? (I think it would be easier to read without the "the"s)
 
The reason that I go into such great description of the bondage is because that is totally my kink, and this is my outlet. I do take your point about describing the affect of bondage on her body. Also, you caught a typo. It should say "at here wrist and elbows."
Thanks again for your feedback. I may edit a couple of my previous chapters, and I will definitely keep it in mind going forward.
 
Big shout out to RejectTed for adding another chapter. Also want to provide a quick update for those who are curious. I'm editing my latest chapter now. Fair warning, while this chapter has smut the next chapter will probably focus more on the "adventure" aspect of the whole cyoa thing. Should still be exciting though. Leave a comment either here or on the story. As always, love your suggestions.
 
What chapter titles do you prefer for stories like this? Generally I divide chapter titles into to groups stuff the main character does (You pick the red one, He tries to capture her) or stuff that happens (Jill is waiting for you, It doesn't go the way he planned.) The first makes it more of a game, but the second gives you more control over the story. And how much do you want spoiled in the chapter title?
 
Honestly half the time I leave the ending question as "What happens next?" I should put more thought into chapter titles than I do. I guess you're asking a question I'm not equipped to answer, because other than a vague outline of what's going to happen in the overall story, I don't really plan things out that much. That whole contest at swingers went way different than how I thought it would, and the Canyon Shootout wasn't even planned. I guess my guidelines would be the title should give the audience a rough idea of what to expect in the chapter, without spoiling anything. If you're going to throw in a plot twist at the end of the chapter, maybe don't give it away with the title. Then again, I entitled one chapter "Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" I'm probably the wrong guy to ask these questions
 
billybobjenkins362 said:
Honestly half the time I leave the ending question as "What happens next?" I should put more thought into chapter titles than I do. I guess you're asking a question I'm not equipped to answer, because other than a vague outline of what's going to happen in the overall story, I don't really plan things out that much. That whole contest at swingers went way different than how I thought it would, and the Canyon Shootout wasn't even planned. I guess my guidelines would be the title should give the audience a rough idea of what to expect in the chapter, without spoiling anything. If you're going to throw in a plot twist at the end of the chapter, maybe don't give it away with the title. Then again, I entitled one chapter "Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" I'm probably the wrong guy to ask these questions
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Thanks, I would be interested to know what the readers think.
 
I most like in your story that thing, that domina can became submise and I like it. Taste own medicine is always good idea.
Do you think about using some time travels? In middle ages or Roma or Grecee culture? I know, that is science-fiction, but still it give a lot of ways to continue story. I very like also moment when Natalia with Beletrix running naked away. Maybe in the future you will add some more enf theme?
Sorry for my English, I know it is bad.
 
Regin34 said:
I most like in your story that thing, that domina can became submise and I like it. Taste own medicine is always good idea.
Do you think about using some time travels? In middle ages or Roma or Grecee culture? I know, that is science-fiction, but still it give a lot of ways to continue story. I very like also moment when Natalia with Beletrix running naked away. Maybe in the future you will add some more enf theme?
Sorry for my English, I know it is bad.
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No worries about the english. Right now, I'm trying to learn spanish, and I'm very grateful for the patience of my coworkers. I do actually have a time travel type thing planned, but it is very long term, and wouldn't be along the lines of what you are suggesting. Maybe I could do a short story about that though.

Let me share a dirty little secret with you. The switch thing is a very useful writing tool. It means I can make Natalia whatever I want her to be at the moment.

As for the enf kink, that really wasn't what I was going for, but now that you mention it, it totally fits. I'll try to incorporate that in future stories and the upcoming 1000 like bonus chapter.

Speaking of the bonus chapter, I'm going to ask again for input regarding that. The bonus story and miscellaneous chapters are my way of saying thank you to the people who have liked, bookmarked or favorited my story, so I'm really looking for fan input. I have some ideas, but I want this to be for you guys, so help me out like Regin34 just did. Even if you don't have a specific idea for a story, it would be really helpful to just here what category of story you'd like to here. Here are some examples:
  • A stand alone short story
  • More of one of the miscellaneous arcs (Intake and life on Terrador)
  • An epilogue
  • A "directors cut" where I flush out a scene that I paired down to keep the story going.
Let me know what you think. I'm starting on this early so that I can take the time to make it as good as it can be. Your help is appreciated.
 
You can add small chapter when Natalia return to ship after her adventure with tribite and Belextra. But in that chapter, Melodia wasn't let her mistress enter, but comand her when role are change. Now Melodia is a domina and Natalia is sub ;)
 
billybobjenkins362 said:
No worries about the english. Right now, I'm trying to learn spanish, and I'm very grateful for the patience of my coworkers. I do actually have a time travel type thing planned, but it is very long term, and wouldn't be along the lines of what you are suggesting. Maybe I could do a short story about that though.

Let me share a dirty little secret with you. The switch thing is a very useful writing tool. It means I can make Natalia whatever I want her to be at the moment.

As for the enf kink, that really wasn't what I was going for, but now that you mention it, it totally fits. I'll try to incorporate that in future stories and the upcoming 1000 like bonus chapter.

Speaking of the bonus chapter, I'm going to ask again for input regarding that. The bonus story and miscellaneous chapters are my way of saying thank you to the people who have liked, bookmarked or favorited my story, so I'm really looking for fan input. I have some ideas, but I want this to be for you guys, so help me out like Regin34 just did. Even if you don't have a specific idea for a story, it would be really helpful to just here what category of story you'd like to here. Here are some examples:
  • A stand alone short story
  • More of one of the miscellaneous arcs (Intake and life on Terrador)
  • An epilogue
  • A "directors cut" where I flush out a scene that I paired down to keep the story going.
Let me know what you think. I'm starting on this early so that I can take the time to make it as good as it can be. Your help is appreciated.
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I would really love to see an epilogue of after Bellextra enslaved Natalia and Melodia! Please.
 
billybobjenkins362 said:
Believe it or not, that is on my to do list. I just wanted to get to a point where the story had more resolution than it did when I originally wrote that chapter. I think I'm getting to the point where it makes sense to write that epilogue.
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