Cost of a Cosplayer

T

TwistingTaint

Virgin
https://chyoa.com/chapter/Introduction.1252251

I'm putting up a thread here for people to post any feedback or advice for my story Cost of a Cosplayer. I'm open to criticism or compliments, though in either case please try to be specific about what you do or don't like.

I'm hoping to get guidance on where to focus my efforts and suggestions on what sorts of things to have happen, since I can have a bit of an issue of 'Well, this is a fun situation... Now what?'
 
I feel like more opportunities for crossover between paths would be good to flesh out cast interactions (kinda difficult to include paths written by other authors tho)

Otherwise, more opportunities to get money and be able to buy folks forever without starting as missingno would be nice
 
I read most of the Pokegirl(s) and Isabel branches, though not in game mode.

First off, I like the story. It's well written, and though the world it portrays is unquestioningly a dystopia (it's legalized slavery, after all), you manage to keep it a fun premise that doesn't try to be too serious or too realistic. You can buy people? OK, cool, bring it on. :)

I recommend going back and rewriting most numbers as actual numbers. "one thousand, seven hundred, and fifty dollars" is a lot harder to parse than "$1750". You've already made that change in (some?) later chapters, but the first few chapters are the most important, because that's where people decide if they want to read the whole story, and a paragraph consisting entirely of written-out numbers does not make for compelling prose.

I think my answer to your question "now what?" would be "yes, now what?" :P Why not include some more of your own fetishes? It's always more fun to write things you yourself think are hot than writing them just because you think it might get you likes. However, some natural things to include would be non-con (surely not everyone is just going to accept being bought?), public sex/free use/prostitution (it's a whole convention full of horny geeks, plus you want to earn money to enslave more cosplayers), and more severe bondage than collar + leash (it's in the BDSM category after all).
 
Mossrite: Can you expand on what you mean by crossover between paths?

TheLowKing: I'm glad you're enjoying it. Regarding the numbers, I was under the impression writing them out was the 'proper' way to format them, but some quick googling suggests I was mistaken. I'll work on switching those over, though I'll probably miss some.
As for including the things I like, I have been to a certain extent, the ownership and pet play are things I really like, but I'll try adding some more restrictive bondage. I feel like going too far into non-con would be a significant shift in tone (though if you participate in the super smash bros tournament you can get a lot closer than the routes you've played). As for the free use/prostitution, I've got a couple spots where its set up for those, and I've found that actually writing them doesn't seem to interest me (I think I'm more the possessive/jealous type).
 
I think there's a small one already, bwtn the Samus cosplayer and front desk lady. but like I buy Samus and a Vendor. I get to the point where they can meet, so we can have a bit where they're interacting with each other rather than just the MC (and peach)

I do like that if you told front desk to call you "master" it scares away the Nintendo cosplayers you tried to introduce her to
 
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