Crossing the divide

R

reaper13

Experienced
Hi, I recently started a new story and i am in need of some feedback.

See, i started writing in 2nd person, but i'm starting to think maybe the story would be better in 3rdperson, but i'm not sure if it really would be better.

If anyone would be willing to take some time reading what i currently have and tell me whether i should keep it 2nd person or change it to 3rd, that would be much appreciated.

https://chyoa.com/story/Crossing-the-divide.10520
 
Seems to read fine as 2nd person. What you should try to do is keep in either past tense for present tense though. You switch back and forth throughout and it's better practice to just keep with one. So if you want the story to have that old school 'choose your own adventure feel', keep everything happening in the now, but it's not a common tense to use. Most stories are written in the past tense as having already happened.
 
Yeah, English is not my native language so using the wrong tenses is going to be a recurring issue. I'll do my best to work on it, though.

The reason i figure it might be better in 3rd person is cause i think it might give the best reading experiance if the reader was a 3rd party reading about a story that happened to someone else. Not a story they are moving through.
 
I decided to switch the Jack-Jessica arc to third person and also homoginze the tenses. Can you read it again and let me know if it's better?
 
Yeah, that read much better. Third person is easy to follow too, because you don't have the story telling you what you're thinking, it's the main character's thoughts.
 
Thanks for the feedback. I'll be transitionning the entire story to 3rd person now.

Also, is there any interracial pairing you like to see?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top