Does anyone else have a hard time writing a sex scene?

One of the things about a sex scene is that it doesn't have to involve penetration, and it doesn't have to continue until completion. Humans are those unique animals that can have sex while fully clothed across a crowded room, if conditions are right and they're in a mood. The mechanical in-and-out itself, for all that it is often exalted, is usually a lot less fun than some of the challenges of getting to the point where all parties concerned are in a place to do that...and there's a lot to be said for emphasizing the sense of expectation more than of actual fulfillment. Even when people have sex, it's not a static activity - people move around, after all, jockeying for the right position, angle, and stimulation. The intensity builds throughout the act - and whether that builds toward climax, or coitus interruptus, or disappointment, or frustration on the part of any individual involved is all part of the game.

 

I agree with this. I realize I do the same thing, even though I never noticed it before.

The most enjoyable sex scenes I have written are extensions of the foreplay that has come before. Whether it was a competitive theme (the strip poker game turns into a sex competition), or romantic (the dance turns into a erotica ballet), or companionship (two tired souls become more expressive together).

The more I think of it, this is really good advice. Start with a theme for foreplay and continue with it through the naughty bits. I guess this would apply to real life too.

 

Yes! Well said, this is my struggle. I feel like a bit of a cheat, however, when I write a really romantic, or hot & heavy, lead up and then don't deliver a steamy sex scene. I wonder if many people wouldn't mind more literary fore-play and less straight up porn.

 

I, for one, have absolutely no problem with that. As much as I'm here for the sexy (who isn't!) there's a part of me that's here for the amazing stories that are told around the sex. If you're not feeling it, no big deal. Stick to what feels right, and don't worry about it.

If the story is good, it'll be fine. And there's always the option to drop n alternate chapter later, if need be.

 

I think this is a good way of looking at things. It's best to think of sex as something non-separate from the rest of the story. In fact I'd go further and say that sex can be thought of as dialogue.

Just as a character's speech is flavoured by their emotions, personality, goals, relationships, and drives, so too is sex. Every action—whether it's a touch, a sigh, a moan, a caress, a pinch, a slap, or a change in rhythm—reveals something about the character's internal state and something about their relationship with their partner. Moreover, there's a kind of back-and-forth here. A thrust might be responded to with a moan, which is then responded to with another harder thrust.

Now the advantage of consciously thinking in this way is that it makes writing sex a lot less intimidating. If we intentionally set out to write a sexy sex scene, then we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to excite our readers. And that's tricky because tastes vary and we don't necessarily know what our audience will enjoy.
But if we think of sex as communication—as a sort of tactile dialogue—then we can just focus on honestly depicting our characters, and their reactions, and the relationship between them. And by communicating that with our readers, we invite them to step into the scene and share in the feelings and arousal of our characters.

 

This, basically. Something I've learned while writing CHYOA over the last year or so. Sometimes the slow burn of a fuse is just as exciting as the explosion at the end. Getting involved in foreplay only to be interrupted, or having the actual sex act spread out over many chapters, with options for how to proceed, can both build anticipation and give more space to write in more exciting details.

I will say, though, sometimes fucking and getting it done can be great chapters as well, and I try to include a lot of these for more impatient readers, or those just trying to fap that might not otherwise care about the story itself.