Evil Mastermind! Or comedic adventures of a villain trying to take over the world!

Voting closed!
A - undecided.

 

Day 4

Ding!

Minion Sussy watched the machine with fascination. According to old books left behind, it cost almost 5000$ and was state of the art device. Although, the secretary didn't know how it's called, so she simply wrote it as “The machine that goes-

Ding!

Ding'. Despite being thirty years old, the machine still worked, as if it was bought yesterday! Sussy had only one problem with it- she had no idea what it was supposed to do!

Ding!

The machine dinged as if mocking the poor minion.

“Minion Pussy!”

“Yes!” the blond turned to her boss and stud attention “Your orders, my evil overlord, mistress of all evil, conqueror of purity of maidens, the dark deceiver, the only woman who manage to eat twelve chicken wings in eight chicken wings meal set, the-”

“Yes, yes.” her boss waived. “You are going back to your previous assignment, the net surfing-”

“Yes, boss!”

“-but this time I want you to concentrate... and she's gone.”

Ding!

* * *

Dymm... Dymm... Dymm-cruck!

“Hello! Is this Evil Organisation incorporated? I wanted to buy your Evil Mastermind Starting Package! Yes, I'm the new Evil Mastermind... my name? Well, you can call me THE
[A1]PROFESOR EVIL
[A2]EVIL OVERLORD
[A3]PROFESSORA DIABOLIQUE
[A*]write in
… what do you mean the name is taken? You are kidding - what do you mean I have to add numbers to my name? How about THE FIRST? No? What's the lowest number then? …. you've gotta be kidding me – how. No, I have never heard about any of eight hundred forty-six first user of this name. No, I will not carry the proud name of eight hundred forty-seven... an adjective? Before my name? Well, I could add
[B1]THE INSIDIOUS
[B2]THE GENIUS
[B3]OF THE CUNNING STUNT
[B*]write in
...it's available?! Good, let's go with that, can you start today? Super – what? I have to agree to the agreements of use of your institution? What's in there? Do you have to read it? Okay – shot.
Aha. Aha. Yeah. Okay. Aha. Aha. Yeah. Okay. Aha. Aha. Yeah. Okay. Aha. Aha. Yeah. Okay...

An hour later

Aha. Yeah. Okay. Aha. Aha...

2 hours later

Aha. Yeah. It's all! Super, now what? I have to say that I agree to the terms. Okay, I agree-

Ding!

What? No, it was not a signal for breakfast break, it was one of our machines- wait, what do you mean you will be back in an hour? I'm telling you, it's one of my machines! Don't go!

Ding!

* * *

Day 5

Whahahaha! The works on the evil Retooling of The Steel Mill – soon it will produce the pure STEEL of EVIL! Mwhahahaha!

But first.

“Report!”

First, the five women stepped forward.

“Our mission was successful! We managed to gather 138$”

“...”

“...”

“Why so little?”

- - -

The temp maid with a big smile on her face thanked the client for his order and turned around, getting her teeth. That was one thing she escaped from when she enlisted into Evil Mastermind's service. She swore, if another of this fucking tried groping her or slapping her ass she would beat the shit out of little nerd-

SLAP!

She stopped and her eye started twitching – yep, here ass-cheek was definitely radiating.

Disregarding any thought about the bonus, the fresh minion turned to one responsible with a sweet smile …

- - -

“The conditions of the mission were difficult.”

“At the maid coffee?”

“Indeed.”

“...”

“...”

“Moving on!” The evil mastermind turned to another minion. “Minion Pussy!” “Sussy!” “What did you found out!?”

“Well, I discovered the thing called the notoriety. It's something similar to fame. The greater your notoriety is, the stronger henchman will want to work for you and more minions will want to draft themselves into your organisation – it also reflects the respect of other villains to you. But notoriety is a double-edged sword. With small notoriety, only a few police officers and some unpowered viligantes will be interested in you. But should it grow the more famous heroes will become interested in you... not simple viligantes, but paragon capable of shattering cities on their own.”

The Evil Mastermind nodded thoughtfully.

“Continue.”

“Er...”

“What, don't tell me that is all that you've found.”

- - -

“Oh!!” Sussy shook as another orgasm hit her.

She looked briefly at another tab including a university newsletter - 'Parallax Spiritual Energy Enhancer prototype'

She read a few lines...

“Meh-” she closed the tab “Now to important things before I go back to that swamp called base. Antoni, Rodrigue and Isabelle... well, that's at least two out of three. Let's who that Isabelle is...

- - -

“Uhmm...”

“...”

“Eh... Well, after very deep 'caught!' research, I've managed to find that, your Paralo- Parrko- Paraxma- the prototype of your machine was secured in Univesity's storage and will be sold in two weeks time.”

“Ah, I understand- THEY WHAT!?”

“They will sell... on junk auction.”

“Grrr!”

“We might actually buy it quite cheaply-”“CHEAP!”“If we decide to wait for it to be placed on sale.”

Evil genius stopped for a moment
[C1] “That is not acceptable – we will steal the machine before it will be sold!”
[C2] “Buying it might be safest – even if we will have to bid high.”

“Now, what about two of you?”

The last pair stepped forward.

“We have found an interesting woman. She's
[D1]a cat-suited (but not dressed like a cat) thief proficient in a high-heel Fu combat and using a whip as a weapon
[D2] a master of infiltration and highly skilled at obtaining information from important targets [A big-titted maid that gets people to share information with her by having sex with them. Has a minor superpower that makes people more willing to trust her if she had sex with them in the last 24 hours. Preferred targets are rich people]
[D*]write in {a person/villain with minor superpowers at most}

“Good. Good. Now I’m rather pissed, so I will give you your instructions and I don’t want to see you until you fulfil them. You five, back to the cafe – and this time I want some real cash, you two scouting – move it!”

The minions saluted and run to their perspective tasks. The evil mastermind turned and left crackling evilly… Sussy just stud there looking around.

Ding!

* * *
Day 6

“Report!”

“Well, we found a shopping centre and a perfect point to be raided for cash-”

“A Bank!?” asked an eager Master of Evil, Doom of the words, Defiler of the-

“No, an ATM!” the minion said proudly.

“Sight.” Sighted disappointed leader of useless minions. “anything else?”

“Well, there were some rumours about masked viligante in the area.”

“… Okay. Sight, for now, go start recruiting.”

Two minions saluted, and with the click of their heels, left the room.

+2IP

The Master of… meh, let’s take a look at the missions

[Put the options in sequence {up to tree options}, starting with the choice of highest priority, ending with the choice of the lowest priority. F.e. E3, E4, E5. The turn takes about 3 days]

[E1]gathering cash legally! [working as maids in maid cafe] Requirement: 5 minions, expected profit: 100 + d10*10 dollars, expected mission time: 5 days
[E2]hiring more minions! [putting an adds in local college] Requirement: 2 minions, expected results: 1d4 recruits {minions, really, considering they don’t require any training}, expected mission time: 3 days
[E3] searching for possible experts that would allow you access to higher trained minions [surfing trough hire websites] Requirement: 2 minions, expected results: possible specialist {an interrogation room necessary for this mission}, expected mission time: 3 days
[E4] scouting area for interesting locations [walking around, looking at shops, boutiques, massage salons, etc.] Requirement: 2 minions, expected results: 1d3 intelligence points, expected mission time: 1 day
[E5] Begin working on evil research! [surfing through the internet] Requirement: 1 minion, results:? expected mission time: 2 days
[E6] rob a clothing shop! [possible encounter with police, vigilante or even a hero] Requirement: 4 minions, expected profit: 200 + d10*20 dollars, the danger of losing minions, expected mission time: 2 days
[E7]gather the intelligence about a local vigilante, Requirement: 3 minion, 5 IP, results: information, expected mission time: 2 days
[E*] write in

Ongoing missions
-Gathering cash legally! (5 minions, 4 days left)
-recruiting (2 minions, 3 days left)
-guarding base (1 minion)

Resources – 10 000$
Intelligence points - 3 point.
Basic Minion – 8 (7 minions on missions, 1 in base)

Named characters:
Evil Mastermind - The College Professor, a dumpy woman of 45 years with glasses as thick as the bottom of a coke bottle.
Named Minions:
Minion Sussy Samatar (also known as Pussy Smartass) a rather attractive busty blond. (currently walking around the base)

Base
Minion Baraks (for 20 people)
Mastermind’s room (with desk and evil vibe)
Kitchens (serve whatever is in the freezers)
Storage room (for storing... like things, you know)
Retooling of The Steel Mill in progress [7 days left]

Profits:
0$ a month

Balance:
-1800$ a month

[X*] suggestions for actions

AN: It was supposed to be longer, but I decided to cut it short cause it started taking to long. Question, is it funny, so far?

 

A2
B2
C2
D2 a master of infiltration and highly skilled at obtaining information from important targets [A big-titted maid that gets people to share information with her by having sex with them. Has a minor supoerpower that makes people more willing to trust her if she had sex with them in the last 24 hours. Preferred targets are rich people]
E1 (already in progress), E2 (also already in progress), E5

 

A3: PROFESSORA DIABOLIQUE
B3: OF THE CUNNING STUNT
C2:
D2: the Maid.

On the E's just stay the course, and I think that our last minion should stay on guard, we've got a Vigilante on our hands now...

[X*] Hit The Thrift Stores For A Small Barracks Upgrade: the EM will go out to local thrift stores and other places where cheap used furniture and the like is available and come back with things like coffee makers, warm blankets, toasters, pajamas, alarm clocks, and other minor improvements for the barracks this has the effect of giving you one 'extra' phantom minion per ten full normal minions you have, representing well-rested and caffeinated minions being able to get a little more done each day. This action must be repeated for each barracks module/expansion, or the bonus is lost until it is. Cost: 1d10×1d10(min10)$ and the EM will be busy for 9 days bargain hunting, only having time to post orders at the base and read reports (not in person...)
(Why does the EM have to do this? Well, basically, you can't trust minions to spot the really EVIL deals or catch the tricky ones where they're passing garbage off as primo stuff...)

 

So, someone wants to add their vote? or change vote?

 

I'm willing to change on B if someone will come around to my side on A...

 

Voting Closed!

I should clarify one thing - if the mission starts, minions will continue it until the end. It can't be stopped until the mission-time passes.

 

Day 7

“Minion Pussy! I have a mission for you, you will search for information and research the various subjects, you are dismissed.”

“Go surf the internet, got it, boss.” The woman saluted and walked out.

The professor nodded with satisfaction as her minion was already gone to carry out her mission, it was so hard to get a skilled minion-

“…wait, internet?”

Day 8

The Evil Mastermind-

“Call me THE GENIUS PROFESSORA DIABOLIQUE!” the woman shouted turning to look straight at the readers.

-The genius professor Diabolique-

“Upper-case letters!”

-decided to accept-

“Don’t ignore me!”

-the missions' reports.

Grumbling the woman turned to her minions.

“Report!” she barked.

Two women stepped forward.

“We report a successful recruit mission.”

“Good, good. Evil Mastermind turned to look at a… single recruit standing attention. That was…

“Only one?”

“Well...”

* * *

36.15.39 since the beginning of the mission.

“...and that, my dear, is why you should join our evil organisation! Sure, we have working Saturdays and Sundays, have to work almost 24/7, the healthcare is abysmal and the less said about the boss' demands the better, but I firmly believe that you will enjoy working with us.” The minion finished her spiel and nodded satisfied.

The student – who failed her year and was about to be thrown out of dormitory – was standing over the desk and gripping it hard while leaning over the contract-

“Ahm!”

-while the second minion was kneeling between her legs, pleasuring her aggressively.

“Oh, and I would’ve forgotten.” the minion took her ace “we have cookies!”

She put the cookie into her mouth, crunched it once, then crushed her lips against student’s, mouth feeding her. The young woman shook with pleasure, as she reached her peak and moaned loudly into the minion's mouth as she started climaxing.

The minion stepped back and licked her lips.

“with cinnamon.”

* * *

“...There were very few people in the place we hit.”

“I see.” The Evil Mastermind turned to the minion. “Pussy report.”

Minion Sussy nervously stepped forward.

“Ah… I have nothing?”

“What?! How did this happen?!”

“Well….”

* * *

“Oh yes, Antonio! Wait a moment, I will climax while you are toying with that long, thick water hose!

* * *

“… low morale?”

The Genius Professor Diabolique nodded.
[A1]“Ok. Just don’t do it again.”
[A2]“That’s okay – not! Minions, size her and confine her until I figure out an appropriate punishment for her! That should motivate you and the rest of the crew.”
[A3]“Well, too bad.” The evil mastermind said while preparing to execute the incompetent minion.
[A*]write in


Day 9

‘Dear diary

Today I dreamt of conquering the world - it was a good dream.

I also dreamed of warm hugs, black coffee and naked minions dancing Egyptian-dance under the moonlight – I might have to pay a visit to my therapist...


Ongoing missions
-Gathering cash legally! (5 minions, 1 day left)
-buying The machine on auction (10)
-guarding base (3-4 minion)

Resources – 10 138$
Intelligence points - 3 point.
Basic Minion – 9 (5 minions on missions, 4 in base)

Named characters:
THE GENIUS PROFESSORA DIABOLIQUE - The College Professor, a dumpy woman of 45 years with glasses as thick as the bottom of a coke bottle.
Named Minions:
Minion Sussy Samatar (also known as Pussy Smartass) a rather attractive busty blond. (currently walking around the base)

Base
Minion Baraks (for 20 people)
Mastermind’s room (with desk and evil vibe)
Kitchens (serve whatever is in the freezers)
Storage room (for storing... like things, you know)
Retooling of The Steel Mill in progress [4 days left]

Profits:
0$ a month

Balance:
-1900$ a month

[X*] suggestions for actions

 

A2

 

A2

 

A2

 

A2.

 

So with a unanimous vote of A2...

“That’s okay – not! Minions, size her and confine her until I figure out an appropriate punishment for her! That should motivate you and the rest of the crew.” The Genius Professora declared and watched as Pussy Smartass was led away.


Half her minions out of commission till she came up with a suitable punishment... Grr! This was not working out as planned!


Something was nagging at her mind though, something Pussy had said... "Surfing the Internet: what did she mean by that?" The Professora wondered aloud...


A: Investigate Pussy's Activities?
A1: Yes.
A2: No.

Meanwhile...

"Sussy, how did you manage to botch Surfing The Web?” Susie’s best friend Jade asked. They had joined the Professora’s minions together, having both washed out of college over the same bad Professor…

B: Does Sussy…?
B1: Tell the Truth.
B2: evade the question.
B3: make up an excuse.

Ongoing missions
-Gathering cash legally! (5 minions, 1 day left)
-buying The machine on auction (10)
-guarding base (3 minions)
-confined to quarters (1 minion.)

Resources – 10 138$
Intelligence points - 3 points.
Basic Minion – 9 (5 minions on missions, 4 in base)

Named characters:
THE GENIUS PROFESSORA DIABOLIQUE - The College Professor, a dumpy woman of 45 years with glasses as thick as the bottom of a coke bottle.
Named Minions:
Minion Sussy Samatar (also known as Pussy Smartass): a rather attractive busty blond. (currently confined to her bunk.)
Minion Jade Lii: Sussy’s best friend, an Asian woman of 21 years with long midnight-black hair. She is very tall for an ethnically Chinese person, standing 5’10”. (Currently guarding Sussy…)

Base
Minion Barracks (for 20 people)
Mastermind’s room (with desk and evil vibe)
Kitchens (serve whatever is in the freezers)
Storage room (for storing... like things, you know)
The retooling of The Steel Mill in progress [4 days left]

Profits:
0$ a month

Expenses:
-1900$ a month

Balance:
-1900$ a month

[X*] suggestions for actions

 

A1
B2

 

A1
B3

 

Need at least one more vote...

 

A1
B2

 

A1: Yes.
B2: evade the question.

Unfortunately for Sussy, Professora Diabolique is a much better computer programmer than she is and quickly discovers her illicit activities.

"Well, well, well: seems Pussy lives up to her name. You've watched a lot of cam-shows on my time, haven't you Miss Smartass..." The Professora mutters as she checks the reconstructed history of Sussy's browser. She then notices that one of the cams is life, and shakes her head as if to clear it... "Monique's Mutual-Masturbation, huh? I guess I should check on what I'm condemning her FOR..." The Professora mutters and clicks on the cam, eyes widening at the glorious dark-chocolate honey revealed, even as her hand's dart under her clothing almost of their own accord...

Now knowing the Reason 'Pussy Smartass' has been slacking off, the question is what does she do about it?

A: Sussy's punishment will be...
A1: A whipping.
A2: wearing a chastity belt until further notice.
A3: Waterboarding.
A4: having to work as a Janitor for at least a month.
A5: being stripped naked and tickled with feathers for 12 hours.

Meanwhile

"Come-on Sussy, you can tell me, why's your morale so low?" Jade asked, and Sussy was happy to change tack away from the risque subject.

"Mistress doesn't treat me like a person, everyone else she doesn't know their names but mine she deliberately gets wrong!" Sussy said, eyes watering a bit, and the tears were not fake...

"Shhh, its okay," Jade said, holding her friend close. "The mistress must like you: if any of us screwed up like that she would literally have killed us..." Jade finished.

EDIT: (Go to Random.org and roll 1d5 then post your results.)

Ongoing missions
-Gathering cash legally! (5 minions, 1 day left)
-buying The machine on auction (10)
-guarding base (3 minions)
-confined to quarters (1 minion.)

Resources – 10 138$
Intelligence points - 3 points.
Basic Minion – 9 (5 minions on missions, 4 in base)

Named characters:
THE GENIUS PROFESSORA DIABOLIQUE - The College Professor, a dumpy woman of 45 years with glasses as thick as the bottom of a coke bottle.
Named Minions:
Minion Sussy Samatar (also known as Pussy Smartass): a rather attractive busty blond. (currently confined to her bunk.)
Minion Jade Lii: Sussy’s best friend, an Asian woman of 21 years with long midnight-black hair. She is very tall for an ethnically Chinese person, standing 5’10”. (Currently guarding Sussy…)

Base
Minion Barracks (for 20 people)
Mastermind’s room (with desk and evil vibe)
Kitchens (serve whatever is in the freezers)
Storage room (for storing... like things, you know)
The retooling of The Steel Mill in progress [4 days left]

Profits:
0$ a month

Expenses:
-1900$ a month

Balance:
-1900$ a month

[X*] suggestions for actions.

 

A2

 

Please reread the post, I forgot something and had to edit it back in...