Futa's & Fertility

[Genericc616]

https://chyoa.com/story/Futas-&-Fertility.30985

Hi,

I've been writing on this site for a while now, but haven't been active on the forums.

Was also fairly curious to see what people thought of the story I've been working on currently since the feedback in comments is fairly rare.

Created the story as a place to house many stories keeping to the theme, there's a few finished and some that I've started but left unfinished for a long while as I decided to focus on one to completion, rather than trying to spread myself too thin.

Currently looking to conclude the Sci-fi smuggle route, and then move back to the fertility goddess route.

So yeah, what do you think about it

 

[Zeebop]

First thoughts...it's a collection of linear stories with no options or obvious connections besides general theme. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, since it's what you were going for. It is set in Game Mode, which is something you don't seem to be doing anything with, so that's a little weird...and there's an orphan branch in fyreant's story, not sure what's up with that.

Second person isn't my personal favorite point-of-view, and if I had a criticism of the story it is the common tendency of sentences starting with "You" to run into each other at times. For the most part, you manage to avoid that, so good job there.

If I had a bit of constructive criticism, it might be to develop your Fertile Futa setting a bit more. This bit for example:

A few days into the holiday, your Aunt receives the tests which confirm that both you and Summer are pregnant, furthermore, she has Tiffany take a test which confirms that the baby would also be a Futa. This was rare but not uncommon in the studies your Aunt Gracie had worked with, she asked Summer to give her a list of names and descriptions of the various girls she might have given knocked up at college for a research team to try and contact for testing.

It's all very hand-wavy. Which, fine, we're talking about functional hermaphrodites to start with, but setting capabilities and limitations makes a narrative more interesting and compelling. It's not bad that there's an at-home test for whether you're pregnant with a futa baby, but the presence of such a test can itself make things a lot more interesting - for a couple trying for a futa couple, or a non-futa who finds out she's pregnant with a futa baby and wants to find the "father," etc. Do some couples use such a test to decide whether to put a baby up for adoption? Etcetera.

 

[Genericc616]

Thanks for the feedback

I think that orphan branch is due to a few, as of yet, unpublished chapters Fyreant's writing which will fill the gap when they're done. I'm happy they wanted to contribute to the story and love what they've done so far, so leaving them to it

Game Mode is one of those things I usually like the idea of and wanted to play around with a bit more with a story that wouldn't be quite so linear as the others on there. At the minute all it does is act as a score tracker for the Claire Chapters
I was toying with the idea of a story with a corruption element to track; with various choices either locked in or locked off depending on which choices the reader picks, reflecting how far the character is willing to go and how they react to other characters and their actions. The amount of time this would add does feel a little daunting as I'd feel the need to write out and publish all the scenarios for a given encounter.

As for the constructive criticism. Yeah, I agree a better, more rounded and developed setting makes for a better story.
I also need to be mindful of getting overly hand-wavy when it comes to endings or chapters I've been stuck on, usually, the enthusiasm for the idea has died away at that point, so I just want something so I can move on.

Thanks Again