How do you deal with your 'voice in the back of your head'?

J

Jinraider

Experienced
On this thinly-veiled validation-seeking post, I wanted to ask all the writers out there, erotica or not, how you personally deal with your own "voice in the back of your head".

Many would call it their "inner critic", but I think the former name is more apt for mine, since it often doesn't dispense criticism in favour of just telling me how terrible of a writer I am, how I've failed at the fundamental component of my "erotic" story, how no one actually wants to read my story because of the choices I've made with it...unhelpful self-putdowns like that.

While "just dealing with it" is ultimately the solution, I'm wondering what other writers out there have told themselves in order to dull the sting of their own version of the VITBOYH. What keeps you writing despite the annoying persistence of the voice? Has anyone successfully tamed it so you are able to turn its voice into guidance to strengthen your writing
 
I think we can have our own inner narrator with the stories. And occasionally I delude myself into believing my stories are better or worse than they probably are, but like @TheLowKing, they're just my thoughts. If you can actually hear this or it sounds like someone else, or you feel like its causing you problems, you probably need to get some real help.
There are non medical things you can do to help with this (I'm thinking CBT, and not the kind that's occasionally referred to on this site), but you should get professional advice from a Doctor first.
 
I'm not trying to imply that this 'voice' comes from anything other than my own thoughts. I will admit, however, that I negotiate with it as if it's a 'separate' voice from the one that gives me my main thoughts day to day, but that's because it makes it easier for me to visualise and control.

I was moreso wondering what others do to try and quieten their thoughts when they turn negative in concerns to their stories. For those who have been writing for a while, they must have come up at least a few times, so I was hoping to hear from others.
 
Jinraider said:
Has anyone successfully tamed it so you are able to turn its voice into guidance to strengthen your writing
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I think this is the best solution. It's good that you're subconsciously analysing your own work. You can't expect to produce anything of quality if you have no idea what quality even means; you can't solve problems in your writing if you don't first acknowledge them.

It sounds like you need to train this voice. "No one wants to read my story" isn't actionable advice - you need to understand where this idea is coming from. Maybe your story has a weak opening that you haven't really thought about since, or maybe you saw another story with more likes and are just being envious.

Some believe that you should always follow your gut, while others believe you should never entertain negative thoughts, but the truth is that these feelings are drawn from a wide variety of sources ranging from obviously true to completely irrational. "Debating" with the voice can help expose whether there's anything of substance you should consider or not. Don't perceive it as a guide or a critic, but for what it actually is: the thoughts that develop on their own without your awareness, and only float to the forefront of your mind after their origin is long forgotten.
 
insertnamehere said:
but the truth is that these feelings are drawn from a wide variety of sources ranging from obviously true to completely irrational. "Debating" with the voice can help expose whether there's anything of substance you should consider or not. Don't perceive it as a guide or a critic, but for what it actually is: the thoughts that develop on their own without your awareness, and only float to the forefront of your mind after their origin is long forgotten.
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I've never actually thought about it like this before! It does fit with the way the voice comes and goes, based on my experience.

Thanks for the perspective; it's a work in progress, but I hope one day I'll be able to recognise this pattern better.
 
I have this fantastic thing called write when you're horny. For me, it really makes me push forward with the story without overthinking my poor writing. Then I can come back to the chapter and clean up things.

On a more serious note, I try to think about the things I do in my life as a challenge or learning experience. I never expect to be good. I just do it because I want to try. Then the inner critic has very few things to say as I can rationalize to myself that I don't expect it to be good, but I can be happily surprised.
 
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