I am a True Fan - The Game

Discussion in 'Story Feedback' started by HaremStarter, Nov 28, 2016.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. HaremStarter

    HaremStarter Really Experienced

    Here is a link to the opening chapter.
    https://chyoa.com/story/I-am-a-True-Fan---The-Game.10233?game=start

    The premise is loosely inspired by the joy I get from showing new people around at sci fi conventions. The wonder a con virgin experience during their first con experiences gives me a bit of high. Also, another point of inspiration are the classic John Hughes coming of age tales and my disdain for some in the geek community on looking down on female fans as not being true fans.

    This is a second draft so to speak of an original I did by the same name. I very much like the game mechanic when done right and wanted to give it a go. I decided to adapt True Fan to this format because I really wanted to finish that story but I feel I've become a much better writer since I started the original. So I decided to do a rewrite with some changes.

    The first act is now complete. I was wondering what people think and what they hoped for Mary's acquaintances outside of John and Susan. So far she's met an older mentor in Anne, a young wild punk rocker in Misty, and a white knight savior in Daniel. There will be at least one other yet to come and maybe a celeb hook up.

    As with any cyoa story there will be good ends and bad. Though there will be no non con or incest in this. I say this because I feel those have become a lazy way to put the main character in peril. Instead of setting up obstacles for the hero to overcome it is very easy to just resort to let's rape them or have them anguish over fucking a family member.

    Anyway I look forward to what ever insights or criticisms you all might have.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2018
  2. Artican

    Artican Really Experienced CHYOA Backer

    If this is going to go with the John Hughes theme, maybe you could add some antagonists, like rivals at a costume contest that need to be put in their place.
     
  3. HaremStarter

    HaremStarter Really Experienced

    Antagonist are coming up in the next Act. Also depending on which path you take Mary might make some suspect choices she may or may not regret.
     
  4. mack2028

    mack2028 Experienced CHYOA Backer

    I enjoyed the risky sex/prostitution angle. I would love to see that story line continue.
     
  5. HaremStarter

    HaremStarter Really Experienced

    Glad you enjoyed it. The first part of the Anne path is about complete. Though don't worry Mary's poor or good choices, depending on your point of view, will lead her further into debauchery.
     
  6. Lake_Nine

    Lake_Nine Really Experienced

    If non-consent and incest are lazy (which they kind of are) isn't loss of social standing IE getting something rather embarrassing posted on social media the next best thing? It might work well with the setting too, just an idea.
     
    HaremStarter likes this.
  7. HaremStarter

    HaremStarter Really Experienced

  8. mack2028

    mack2028 Experienced CHYOA Backer

    Read it seems interesting but maybe you should have put the break earlier so the setup for the costume comes after the break. That way you could set up a few different options for what to wear as a costume that didn't feel like backtracking.
     
  9. HaremStarter

    HaremStarter Really Experienced

    Thanks for the feedback.

    I thought about it. The problem I had was all the option I came up with for different outfits were still the same story just with Mary dressed differently. I will have options but just not costume changes.
     
  10. mack2028

    mack2028 Experienced CHYOA Backer

    Have you considered that costumes could imply different partners with different levels of fun and risk. Harley/joker would be very fun and risky where mulder/skully would be a bit dull and idk jean gray and cyclopse would be somewhere in the middle. There is also the level of risk the actual costume entails, a suicide squad Harley is just yelling rape me where a nice pants suit is pretty safe. You could also do an unassisted costume or one that has girls as a backup like a magical girl costume.
     
  11. HaremStarter

    HaremStarter Really Experienced

    This is a good suggestion. I'm certain there will be other costume related threads throughout the entirety of the story and I'll keep this in mind as I go.
     
  12. HaremStarter

    HaremStarter Really Experienced

    The 1st Daniel thread is done. Any comments/criticism is welcome.
     
  13. HaremStarter

    HaremStarter Really Experienced

    So the current thread I'm working on is a truth or dare one. If anyone has any suggestions for either truth questions or dares I would appreciate it.
     
  14. mack2028

    mack2028 Experienced CHYOA Backer

    I would suggest doing a whole series of dares at once based on the characters current level of amusement and lust, ie one thread if they are full on both where everything is basic boring maybe leading to a kiss with some gossip leading up to it, a second where the character is horny but amused where they try to get someone they think is hot to fuck them, a third where they are bored and they fuck with people, and a fourth where they are both bored and horny and so they engage in very risky sexual behaivor.
     
    HaremStarter likes this.
  15. sean_d2345

    sean_d2345 Virgin

    Hi everyone, I hope that everyone has been enjoying the recent updates to the story. I've only recently started adding to it but I enjoy having our heroine continue down the pave to depravity. Looking forward to seeing what misadventures Mary will get up to in Day 1 of Tomorrow Con
     
    HaremStarter likes this.
  16. sean_d2345

    sean_d2345 Virgin

    Hi everyone! Sean here again. I've submitted my additions to the hotel worker arc, the Con Troll arc, and a new one I call the Late Night video room arc. I, like HaremStarter, deeply enjoy the con scene and the twists and turns Mary has taken are just so sexy in my opinion. I hope everyone has been enjoying my contributions to the story. You should be seeing the conclusion to those arcs soon (as HaremStarter has been a fantastic editor and helping to spruce up my writing to give maximum effect) Happy reading!
     
  17. HaremStarter

    HaremStarter Really Experienced

    So day 0 is done. There are plenty of protagonist and antagonist to go around. So any criticism, praise, hopes for day one. I would love to hear from my readers.
     
  18. HaremStarter

    HaremStarter Really Experienced

    Bump this for further comment as I've recently revived the story.
     
  19. Zeebop

    Zeebop CHYOA Guru

    I like what there is of it, good bit of replayability, the prose is fine. I think the mechanics work well - and I appreciate the fact that you explain how the game works at the beginning. Looking forward to more of it!
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.