If your story was a video game, what would be your loading screen tips?

K5Rakitan

K5Rakitan

Virgin
Imagine for a moment that your story is a video game and the players get to be your characters. What are some helpful hints and tips that should appear on the loading screen? Here are mine:

  • Never turn down jewelry. It sometimes grants special abilities.
  • If you run out of condoms, just ask Roland for more.
  • Singing is a great way to earn XP.
  • Think carefully before you make promises to Laura.
  • Throwing money at a problem is a good first resort, but it only works half the time.
  • If things are moving too fast for you, say "yellow" to slow down the game and "red" to pause it.
If you can only think of one or two, feel free to post those now and come back if you think of more later!

Here's my story in case those piqued your interest:
https://chyoa.com/story/Kaiba's-Prostitute.24034
 
-Smacking the player next to when they're in the middle of something is a great way to win.
-You can't die. This alone should alter your behavior somewhat.
-If you feel that this isn't worth what you paid for it, feel free to ask for a full refund.
-THIS IS NOT A NAG SCREEN REMINDING YOU TO REGISTER!
-Loading Screens are annoying. Bring Back Elevator Rides and Dialogs!
-Unreal Could do this in less than ten seconds in 1998. I bring this up because you're still waiting.
-Do you Find these Load Screens Condescending? Maybe you should read the tutorial to understand why you need to read every one?
-Fight Fight For Your Local High! Bring On The Whiskey, Bring On The Rye! While The LOYAL FACULTY lies drunk on the barroom floor...

My favorite load screens are from "Farcry: Blood Dragon"
 
Roxy's New Roommate:

-Bored? Go on Tinder or engage in sidequests with your Roommate's Associates.
-Go slow. Your roommates won't jump into the deep end right away.
-Toys are a great way to add XP to a session.
-Spying on your roommates is risky, but can give you useful insights.

Taming the Dom:

-Overspent? Don't worry. Just wait for payday and pay it off later.
-You can only level up one BDSM skill tree at a time.
-Need to add spice to your relationship? Roxy has you covered at Love+
-Food is a way to Adela's heart (and other places)

Morgan's Lunch Break:

-Be sure to manage Morgan's horniness, less she does something naughty at work.
-Remember, you only have an hour to get off!
-Hold Shift to sprint to your destination. Still too slow? Call an Uber!
-The Egg Vibrator item is useful for getting warmed up but can be detected by some.
-Make sure to tidy up before going back to work. Otherwise, you may raise the suspicion of your co-workers.
 
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Fun stuff. I wanna try too. :)

Lust for the Golden Witch:
- Having trouble hunting demons? Try hunting an old maid first!
- Never fire a gun into a portal when you can't see the other side.
- Player's revolver carries six bullets at a time. Remember to load them!
- Check the instruction manual for a secret code to clear BATTLEGOATS!
- We deeply apologize for the frequency of death in this game and the load screens associated with each death.

Kami Kurabe
- When all else fails, remember not to give a shit.
- This game and others are now streaming on BUNGEN Prime Games! Stream today!
- Losing matches? Try turning on TIPS mode! Losing matches on purpose? Consult your therapist!

Nuns vs. Knights
- As a cleric, maximize your faith for a closer relationship with Geod, or practice your glory hole technique.
- As a knight, maximize your strength to protect Merridan's citizens, or practice your strip-teasing.
- A headless horse-knight lives in the forest to the east of Merridan.
- Never dance with a burly clown.
 
Family Succubus would probably have Resident Evil 5 style pointless lore snippets about the history, biology, abilities and status of Succubi, that flash by too fast to properly read and only serve to confuse the player... That or little character stat screens, like the ad breaks in Jojo's Bizarre Adventures
 
Darkest Challenges -
  • A lot of people want your gem. The first person to demand it won't be the last, so you should maybe hold on to it a little longer.
  • Everything has a price. You can't avoid paying it, but you can choose what currency you pay with.
  • Though young, the priest is set in his ways. Try not to offend him.
  • The demons are powerful, but arrogant. If you pretend to be weak, they'll easily believe you.
  • Look closely at the paintings.
  • If animated slime seems crazy to you, it's going to absolutely blow an ogre's mind.
  • Most of your enemies just want to fuck. You need to figure out whether that will end well for you.
 
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