Link to the story. This is a story about a young insecure futanari named Tiffany who wants to find love, get laid, or do both. I was inspired to write this after reading a story on Literotica called Just Fucking Around the House. I really really liked it and I had a strong urge for more. I wanted more of it and I wanted to see it do more, so I decided to try writing my own version. I decided to write it on CHYOA as I liked the idea of doing more than just the original concept. I created the starts of a few branches when I originally published the route, but if I had any initial plans for them I have long forgotten about them. As I worked on the first route I came up with ideas for more routes. I deliberated over finishing a single route first or alternating between a few. In the end decided that I should at least start working on one more branch. I always felt that I was misleading readers with my content and it made me worry. The title of the whole work is rather generic but the only route available featured some very specific interests. There has been a very big gap in getting chapters out and that's because of bad time management and discipline. I stopped for a bit to form a backlog, but I never got back to it. There have been many times I just needed to sit down and do the work, but I would always get distracted. Recently my job has cooled down and now I have more free time. I plan to better my discipline and finish what I started. I want to complete my stories and start even more. My goal right now is to work on the two current routes until one is complete. The Mind Control Cum route and the Best Friend route. Mind Control Cum has an planned ending along with more story after that, but I'll work on a brand new route before returning to it. I have plans for Best Friend but not a definitive ending yet. I kind of want to start a third route since I have a few drafts ready and for some of them I already have endings in mind. I have a good amount of stories with Tiffany planned out and I hope that I can keep going and get to them all out someday.
I read the first 20 or so chapters on the mind controlling cum branch. My main feedback is this: Pnurtis, lol. OK, OK, my actual main feedback is this: the 'show' and 'tell' of the mind control are in conflict. Tiffany (and by extension the story) tells us that she's mind controlling women left, right, and center, but the behaviour of her 'victims' shows us that they retain a large degree of agency. After narrowly escaping discovery by Emilia, Sophia acts just like she would if she hadn't been mind controlled at all. A little later, Jocelyn is an even clearer case: she's in full control of her encounter with Tiffany, and invites Sarah entirely of her own account, while Tiffany stands there gawking. If you hadn't told us she was mind controlled, we would never know. Mind control stories tend to focus heavily on the protagonist being a puppet master in full control of his subjects. Overwriting personalities, induction of trance states, overt applications of (psychic) power, shades of non-consent, visible struggle between the implanted commands and the victim's own mind, etc. In this story it feels to me like the cum is liberating rather than controlling (possibly with a side of aphrodisia). Sophia has been 'freed' from her instinctual disgust of incest and happily takes to having sex with her sister, for instance, even as she remain fully aware of the societal taboo and the need to be circumspect. Jocelyn is a little harder, but maybe she's lost some loyalty to her friend Emilia? "Don't date my little sister!" or something along those lines.
Oh god, I forgot I did that lol Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it! I think my original intention was that even though Tiff had absolute control over these people she still had issues asserting herself. It does run at odds with how a mind controller is supposed to act. Maybe I needed more experience to convey better. I can definitely see the disconnect between what I've said and what's happened. Especially at the start. I wanted to establish what the situation is and from then on I just ran with the perception that it is what I said it was. I do have plans for Tiff acting dominant and enforcing her will on her subjects in upcoming parts. It mostly starts because of the circumstances Tiff is in, but by the end she will have changed according to what her world has become. One of the things that has always drawn me in about mind control is how the victim is radically changed. They can do things they would have never done or could have never done. Just like you said they become liberated. A new world of options becomes available to them all at the demand of an outside force. I didn't realize how much I was emphasizing that over other aspects like domination of the victims. Showing and telling are things that I've worried about. I would read over my chapters and wonder if I'm just telling what's happening. Sometimes I feel like I can't tell the difference. I'm grateful that you've brought the mind control show and tell conflict to my attention. It's a solid example to keep in mind and work with!
