Let's talk about The Inheritance

L

Lookingforthis

Virgin
'ello, my name is Lookingforthis and I am it's author.
https://chyoa.com/story/The-Inheritance.19133

While looking for whatever feedback anyone tries to give me, I'd also like to take the chance to explain, exactly, what I am trying to attempt here and what I am doing towards that end. And while I am not going to reveal everything, I do think that talking at least about some of the central ideas behind the "Black" story line might be helpful in understanding it.

For starters, the central "instigator" of the story, whatever is it that the father did to make these events necessary, is a Macguffin and, as such, is never going to be revealed Pulp Fiction style. I'll allude to it, do callbacks and even lampshade it, but I will never elaborate on it and this is for one simple reason; To make the emergent sexual relationship between the mother and the son seem within the realm of possibility. The less I reveal, the less I break the illusion I am crafting. And the less the story becomes about resolving that "plot thread" and more about the relationship in question. I'll see about putting that in the guidelines in the future once the story becomes popular enough to attract contributors.

My choice of an omniscient third person here is purely due to how quickly it allows me to go from events to events without the need to smooth the "seams" in the narrative. Honestly, for CYOA a 2nd pov would have been ideal, and maybe I'll do one for one of the other story lines, but there was a story I wanted to tell here and it would not have benefited from it. 1st person point of view would have also been more immersive then what I am going with, but that one would require more a bit more sequences in the story to not make it seem half assed.

3 chapters, as of the creation of this thread, is not enough to judge one of this stories, I know, but for anyone watching and reading, please allow me the satisfaction of one simple question: Is it a good start? And if you would be so kind, please leave your reasoning behind.

Other then that, it's great being here and it's nice to meet you all!
 
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Alright, for anybody who is following the story here, and is not an american or interested in American football in general, here is the context behind the "He Crumbles like the Cleveland Browns" joke.

BEHOLD:


TLDR? The Cleveland Browns are not only the worst team in American football history, they are also the worst team in ALL of American sports history. It is, point in fact, almost statistically impossible to be as bad as they are because chances SHOULD have been that they won more games then they actually do if only through sheer luck. But, well, they are the Cleveland Browns and so they don't.
 
Alright guys, the latest branch of the "Black" storyline is here. If anyone has an idea to resolve this situation, such as it is, please feel free to let me know. I roughly know where I want to take this story but the falling action of the beginning arc is something I am still not concrete on. I will take all advice and ideas into consideration.

With that said, I am going to let the Black storyline hang here, in this cliff hanger of sorts while I start the second main branch of The Inheritance. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I will be beginning the "White" storyline next and I promise you: If you think that the Black storyline is indication of the mood of this whole interactive story? Then is this going to be a surprise to you. ;)
 
The newest branch, white is now here aaaaaaand...I am not that happy with it.

This was always planned as a lighter much more fun take on this whole premise to be honest, but I wasn't feeling it as I wrote. Nonetheless, muse or no, I promised myself that I would write something tonight and so I have. I forced myself through it and so will simply have to build off of what I have made here now. Hopefully anyway.

I fought like crazy with to get that little pic of Phoenix Marie, by the way, because the websites I was linking the image too wasn't giving jack shit. I then downloaded the pic that I wanted hosted it in imagepubb myself but that turned out to be as small as a thumbnail so that was a no go. I then gave up and simply googled her until a suitable imaged popped up and used that instead. Hope you guys aren't too disappointed >_>

As always, criticism, suggestions or whatever is always welcome and if you too would like to make something out of this premise...talk to me about it.
 
You've got game mode enabled, but it doesn't look like you're actually using it for anything at the moment. You've really only got one major branch so far - which is fine, still early days for the story - but while I appreciate your guidelines ("they must fuck" - Chekov's mother, if she's in there she's going to get plowed at some point) it feels like you could draw out the encounter more or offer some different options. Now that they've fucked once they can deal with different potential outcomes - discuss pregnancy & abortion, discuss anal, discuss knocking up his sister/aunt/grandmother/whatever, etc.
 
Zeebop said:
You've got game mode enabled, but it doesn't look like you're actually using it for anything at the moment. You've really only got one major branch so far - which is fine, still early days for the story - but while I appreciate your guidelines ("they must fuck" - Chekov's mother, if she's in there she's going to get plowed at some point) it feels like you could draw out the encounter more or offer some different options. Now that they've fucked once they can deal with different potential outcomes - discuss pregnancy & abortion, discuss anal, discuss knocking up his sister/aunt/grandmother/whatever, etc.
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Thank you!

I am actually a bit illiterate when it comes to coding, so I didn't even know that I had game mode enabled. I'll try to keep that in mind in the future.

There is one point in the Black storyline before they fucked where we could have another meaningful option happen, and that's at the beginning. I am thinking that, instead of confusion, he could flatout deny the request leading to other "offers" like the grandmother or an aunt. Bringing in other family members after they have fucked could be the mother's way of solving the "brutal fucking" issue. You know, if you split sexual duties between two or more women then you also split the body ruining sex between them.

So as not to make any path but the harem path pointless, I am actually tempted to give bad endings to it. Point in fact, getting more then three partners should be an instantaneous loss.

Hmmm, how is this? The first girl is always an automatic yes. The second girl you have to convince right to not end the game. And the third girl you have to convince your other partners as well. The conflict of a one girl path is how she gets used to your violent fucking. The conflict of the second one is getting her to accept the situation. The conflict of the third is to handle being spread out too thin while making everyone happy.

With that in mind, I think I might have to modify the White storyline to also give it other early options from the beginning. The way it's written it's hard to add in other options. Though in this one, they could be more about knocking them up rather then developing a relationship with them. The relationship dynamics here are unusual enough for it to be about who is going to be the baby mama rather then who is going to be Mrs. McBruce.

The issue with sisters is that the theme of this story is about treating family members like heirlooms, property that is being passed down. I am not sure how to do that with a sister and come off as well as I think the mother angle has been coming out.

As for talking about pregnancy and abortion....yeah that could happen. In the main path of Black that I am going with I am thinking more about letting it sneak in on them rather then anything else, if only because the main character and his mother have other issues impacting their relationship other then creating inbred babies. But yeah, that could be brought up before hand. And hey, I am always up for abortion play if need be; The MC could fuck hard enough to cause one on purpose.

EDIT: Edited the guideline a bit to not seem so unorganized.
 
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It's your story man, write whatever you want to write. I was just throwing some ideas out there - it feels like the good point for a branch, if you hadn't considered one yet. But you do you.
 
Zeebop said:
It's your story man, write whatever you want to write. I was just throwing some ideas out there - it feels like the good point for a branch, if you hadn't considered one yet. But you do you.
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No, no, no, I wouldn't have considered adding more people if you hadn't suggested it. See, it seems obvious given how harems are so popular, but I tend to monofocus on my ideas so I tend to miss the obvious.
 
The whole post-coital plot is always an interesting thing to think about, at least for me personally. All of us have different writing styles, but I feel sometimes it helps to have an idea of where you want to write to instead of just where you want to write from, if that makes sense. The protagonist has fucked his mother, which is great - but now it's interesting to think about where they might go from here (if it's anywhere).
 
Well, updating this to see if it hits anyone who was watching.

Released two chapters and the third this week will be determined by a poll. Basically, the choice comes between continuing this new family "tradition" and giving the MC's mother away to his child when he happens to come of age or putting his foot down and simply laying permanent ownership of his mother from the beginning.

If anyone would like to see one more resolution happen then the other, please feel free to vote in this poll:

https://www.poll-maker.com/poll2814247x892e45ed-82
 
The last bit of the White route has been posted and I could honestly go either way here as well. Well, actually, I am definitely going to have them fuck as I feel that I've build up the sexual tension enough for that, but I could justify not doing it too.

Mind, even if I didn't, it would ideally be a teasing scene full of frotting and what not, and I could probably use the "abstinence" in display here to make for a romantic path. Alas, we are all going to have to make do with the slightly less romantic path of the son losing his virginity next. :)
 
Righto, penetration and impregnation in one chapter. And in the same amount of chapters as the Black route too.

I am thinking about doing a Yellow route now, this time an action one rather then the dramatic or comedic Black and White routes respectively. Or I could continue the Black route until the mother is confirmed to be pregnant. I do not want the White route to get stale so I do believe I am going to take a break from it right now.
 
Yeah a little bit a late I know, but I am declaring the poll to be over. And the winner is:

2) Finishing the other white branch with 11 votes.

A reminder; This doesn't mean that the other stuff in the vote aren't going to happen. It just means that they aren't going to happen next.
 
Well, there you go: The Generational Incest path.

Honestly, there are a couple of ways this could have gone. My original plan was to have Jason meekly accepted due to his attraction to his mother and the idea keeping him from saying no. But after having written the other option path, I am thinking that having Jason be as crazy as his parents in his own way is a much more rewarding and fitting way to have this go.

Hmmmm, the original plan is still workable though, as being the butt end of this whole plan makes for great humor. But the parents and society at large being the butt end is also funny enough so we'll see how this goes.
 
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