Little bita help from femdom fans, please!

[Almax]

Hello! I was just hoping that anybody who really enjoys/reads a lot of femdom could help me out a bit with something.

I kinda have no idea what I'm doing at most times, but I think that so far in my stories I've been able to emulate and write certain niches pretty not-badly. However! I haven't had much of a chance to try doin' femdom, mainly because the main character of my main story is female and not very dominant at all, so for a female-controlling-male type of scene it has to be something that's getting observed from the outside, which is rare (unless female-controlling-female also counts as femdom, which I have no clue about because all of this terminology is pretty foreign to me, but if true then I just need help with the female-controlling-male sort of it).

Basically, I'd really super appreciate if anybody would take the time to read through a scene or two of it that I have had the chance to write, and let me know what ya think! Not about the writing or pacing or anything like that, just about the themes, and whether or not the scenes are enjoyable for you for the same reasons as other female-controlling-male scenes are (or if not, what's missin'). Just whether it ticks the correct boxes!

I really like havin' my stories have a bit of a mix of everything, so that there's something for everyone, and I think that this is a case where I could really use some outside help to know if I'm doing it right (which I really wanna be). Of course, the scenes are all female-controlling-male, and sex is involved, but y'know, I feel like there's more to getting it right than that.

This is probably a tough question to answer, so I apologise, but even if you just gave it a try I'd super appreciate it! Here are some of 'em, take your pick of what sounds most up your alley:


Dominant noblewoman beats up hunter and gets off to it

Dominant noblewoman beats up wrestler and gets off to it (longer)

Cute nervous girl gently leads nervous boy through handjob+blowjob (pick the "-Purity" option)

Girl makes a wrestling match vs a boy sexual to win it

Witch dominates a knight lieutenant (longer)


Thanks a ton to anyone who tries point me in the right direction/let me know where I'm at!

 

[Haoro]

Hey! I'm someone who enjoys and has written a lot of femdom. I've had a read through all the scenes you posted so far. Good job! Your writing is well-done, and it's always great to see someone trying their hand at writing new things and asking for advice about how to handle it. In my personal opinion female on female doesn't really count as femdom, and it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine that there isn't a word that can easily distinguish the two. Makes it hard looking for female on male stuff sometimes.

Anyway, first thing I'm going to say is that this does depend a lot on personal tastes. I do know there are some femdom fans who are going to love what you write since there are other stories that do similar things, but you're not exactly hitting what I enjoy about it just yet. The scenes you write with the more dominant women, the noblewoman and the witch, it's largely about her trying to make the man cum as quickly as possible and then humiliate him that way as if her forcing him to orgasm is some shameful failing on his part.

It's femdom, but it's not exactly for me, because the focus is still on pleasing the male sub and his orgasm rather than him actively pleasing the domme. Like the noblewoman hardly even lets the men touch her, and just masturbates afterwards in one scene, which is a bit of a turn off for me since it seems like she's just getting off on the humiliation and bullying rather than the sex itself or anything to do with the guy. Plus there's a sense she looks down on the men as pathetic and lower than her and she just wants to bully and abuse them, which again is something some femdom fans are into but doesn't really hit my buttons. Finally, I'm not really into wrestling or sex-fights myself and tend to prefer willing submission, so that side doesn't do much for me.

Something I'd like to see more of is the domme actually getting pleasured by her male sub, like him eating her out especially or even just having sex with him in a controlling position like cowgirl. Something where she's enjoying herself more on a physical level, and he's dedicating himself to pleasing her rather than the other way around, so like where he has to hold back his orgasm and focus on giving her as many as possible. Sex can still be very much femdom even without stuff like pegging or humiliation, it's just all about how the act is framed.

I also prefer scenes when the domme is still very much in control, but is shown to value the sub, for example by giving him pet names or showing him affection rather than just acting like he's worthless and something she'd happily destroy and discard. Also, some healthier, more willing submission on the part of the men where they agree to it rather than it being forced on them as an almost shameful weakness is something I'd enjoy.

Obviously these are just suggestions. You write what you want to and there's nothing wrong with anyone enjoying the sorts of scenes you've done, it's just not for me personally. I'm very aware that femdom sometimes has the reputation of being only like the types of scenes you write since a lot of the media focuses on that aspect, so i also wanted to just go into a bit more detail about the different ways I personally enjoy female-led sex scenes.

 

[gene.sis]

it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine that there isn't a word that can easily distinguish the two.

Lezdom? (Or did you mean straight female on straight female domination?)

 

[Haoro]

Lezdom? (Or did you mean straight female on straight female domination?)

That does work, but I meant more from the other angle, so a word that strictly means female on male without any female on female. Like if you search for femdom on a lot of sites, you get lezdom as well which isn't what I'm looking for.

 

[spiritwind]

I don't really have the time right now to read through this so I am mostly kind of reacting off Cai's post. But yea its often overlooked but femdom is a pretty broad category as far as what falls into it and it sounds like maybe you could vary things up some. Cai mentioned it but oral as in guys servicing women orally is something that is surprisingly lacking in "normal" smut in general but it also can be a pretty big thing in domination play and I'd encourage more of that, hell on that topic dom blowjobs are a thing.

I don't think theres anything wrong with the dominant partner caring about their partners pleasure (in fact irl its probably a good thing) but it is a good idea to show that the woman is getting something out of it. And if they themselves are just getting off on the humiliation aspect for the man is it their perception of powerplay/role reversal do they have some reason they like it or is it just mean for the sake of it? are they a sadist perhaps some impact play is warranted (spanking or more extreme can be whipping) and the this can be done in different ways as well. Rather than say forcing a partner to orgasm they may be interesting in introducing/forcing/helping them experience new sensations and the like. Also idk how to articulate it but a trap with writing this kind of stuff is basically writing the dom woman as a sexual servant of the guy? Like sure shes spanking him or whatever but if in every scene all she is is a vehicle for the guy getting off well it loses something

Anyway I agree with Cai that either having a path or some scenes focusing on the woman's pleasure would be nice, being attended to getting pleasured getting fucked but in a way that clearly shows shes in control or again showing what she gets out of doing things to the man

 

[spiritwind]

That does work, but I meant more from the other angle, so a word that strictly means female on male without any female on female. Like if you search for femdom on a lot of sites, you get lezdom as well which isn't what I'm looking for.

Ideally lezdom would mean f/f domination and femdom would mean f/m dominaiton but not everyone knows or if they dont care about terminology like that so always people are forced to dig or encourage specific tagging like "straight femdom" or something

 

[Almax]

Hey! I'm someone who enjoys and has written a lot of femdom. I've had a read through all the scenes you posted so far. Good job! Your writing is well-done, and it's always great to see someone trying their hand at writing new things and asking for advice about how to handle it. In my personal opinion female on female doesn't really count as femdom, and it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine that there isn't a word that can easily distinguish the two. Makes it hard looking for female on male stuff sometimes.

Anyway, first thing I'm going to say is that this does depend a lot on personal tastes. I do know there are some femdom fans who are going to love what you write since there are other stories that do similar things, but you're not exactly hitting what I enjoy about it just yet. The scenes you write with the more dominant women, the noblewoman and the witch, it's largely about her trying to make the man cum as quickly as possible and then humiliate him that way as if her forcing him to orgasm is some shameful failing on his part.

It's femdom, but it's not exactly for me, because the focus is still on pleasing the male sub and his orgasm rather than him actively pleasing the domme. Like the noblewoman hardly even lets the men touch her, and just masturbates afterwards in one scene, which is a bit of a turn off for me since it seems like she's just getting off on the humiliation and bullying rather than the sex itself or anything to do with the guy. Plus there's a sense she looks down on the men as pathetic and lower than her and she just wants to bully and abuse them, which again is something some femdom fans are into but doesn't really hit my buttons. Finally, I'm not really into wrestling or sex-fights myself and tend to prefer willing submission, so that side doesn't do much for me.

Something I'd like to see more of is the domme actually getting pleasured by her male sub, like him eating her out especially or even just having sex with him in a controlling position like cowgirl. Something where she's enjoying herself more on a physical level, and he's dedicating himself to pleasing her rather than the other way around, so like where he has to hold back his orgasm and focus on giving her as many as possible. Sex can still be very much femdom even without stuff like pegging or humiliation, it's just all about how the act is framed.

I also prefer scenes when the domme is still very much in control, but is shown to value the sub, for example by giving him pet names or showing him affection rather than just acting like he's worthless and something she'd happily destroy and discard. Also, some healthier, more willing submission on the part of the men where they agree to it rather than it being forced on them as an almost shameful weakness is something I'd enjoy.

Obviously these are just suggestions. You write what you want to and there's nothing wrong with anyone enjoying the sorts of scenes you've done, it's just not for me personally. I'm very aware that femdom sometimes has the reputation of being only like the types of scenes you write since a lot of the media focuses on that aspect, so i also wanted to just go into a bit more detail about the different ways I personally enjoy female-led sex scenes.

Aha! Thank you!

This is what I was afraid of, but it's also really good to hear, because it means my normal style of writing is much closer than I thought and I pretty much just need to swap some things out rather than try my hand at something super now. It's also good to hear that femdom is a super-broad term, where liking femdom isn't all that much more specific than liking sex, because that means the stuff I've already got is still good for having a sort of eclectic mix with bits for everybody -- it's just that I'm missing some bits for people who like a different angle of it, which I can now try to include too. Awesome!

I think it might be a bit tricky to work into the story, since the main character is female and I don't want the story to be a clip show or anything like that, but I do actually already have the perfect idea for a scene a bit down the line that'd be great to try this out on that I was already planning for. Also, a lot of what you've said -- willing submission instead of forced, affection to the sub, giving oral and otherwise a focus on pleasing the dom -- is stuff I've done in male-on-main-character and female-on-main-character scenes already, so it hopefully should come pretty easily! It's much more in my comfort zone to write two happy people than one very happy person and an extra.

Thank you so much for the big response with all of the insights, I've got a nice specific list of things to make sure I do now, and that probably took you quite a bit of time to put together. I actually was planning on trying messaging you about this a few months ago, since you seem to really know your stuff when it comes to this, but I chickened out. So it's really cool to get a response that goes so in depth on the side of it I haven't had a chance to give a go yet!

There's something I want to say about the noblewoman dream scenes which is pretty funny, but I can't because spoilers n stuff and someone might care. But there's things happening where even though the dream is a colder femdom, the reality is a cute gentler sort to protect a male sub.

Thanks again for all of the effort and help, you're awesome for taking the time to do this! Have a fantastic rest of your day!

 

[Haoro]

No problem, happy to help and glad you found my advice so useful!

Honestly I can see exactly why you got that impression of femdom as a much more narrow thing than it actually is, as for some reason that one view of it seems to dominate a lot of the media and discussion around it. Not to rant too much, but just as spiritwind brought up, I see that idea as one that's still very much focused on male desire since the domme is largely a vehicle for pleasing the male sub by fulfilling his kinks without regard for her own pleasure even if what she's doing to him could be seen as dominant. It's not something I personally enjoy for that reason, but I don't have any problem with people who do. So yeah, it sounds like what you're planning going forward is more my speed.

Good luck with your writing! And don't be nervous about messaging me if you do want my impressions on anything else.

 

[Almax]

No problem, happy to help and glad you found my advice so useful!

Honestly I can see exactly why you got that impression of femdom as a much more narrow thing than it actually is, as for some reason that one view of it seems to dominate a lot of the media and discussion around it. Not to rant too much, but just as spiritwind brought up, I see that idea as one that's still very much focused on male desire since the domme is largely a vehicle for pleasing the male sub by fulfilling his kinks without regard for her own pleasure even if what she's doing to him could be seen as dominant. It's not something I personally enjoy for that reason, but I don't have any problem with people who do. So yeah, it sounds like what you're planning going forward is more my speed.

Good luck with your writing! And don't be nervous about messaging me if you do want my impressions on anything else.

I can definitely see how it'd be annoying for two things to have the same name, and your preferred thing is the less popular one. I'm just really glad that I've covered that base now, and that the only base left to cover is basically just doin' what I like to do already but having it be done to not-the-main-character. Thanks so much again!