Marcie and Gina read CHYOA

Aww! I'm not quite sure why i turned into a 13 year old girl tho'. Is it because of the "lovestruck shitshow"?

Since the conclusion is so negative i feel like i should defend myself a little:
The trigger warning were for deaths and were put up on request. (The things you do to please the readers...)
Max was design to be a whiny brat. He's a nobody that got thrown into a world where he doesn't understand anything. I do agree with the "plot contrivance" but that's what makes a story is it not? Especially when your MC is not 'the one'. The pacing and the spelling errors might be because of that " scent of immaturity" since it's the first time i write anything, and in a different language. There is only so much help Google can offer. I'd say there is a big difference between the first chapters i wrote and the ones at the end so... progress?

A lot of "complains" don't bite hard since there is only so much that you can do in a month (inside the story). There will be more werewolf time, unable to transform will be explained and it does have a purpose and of course the government won't stop just because he attacked a base.

Oh, and what do you mean by "The writing was borderline script"?

Gambio said:
Ha, I don't think I can force Marcie and Gina to do anything
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Gina said:
“Fuck if I know. I don't read shit unless I'm forced to.”
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At least the story was readable so... party time! :D
 
salam123 said:
Aww! I'm not quite sure why i turned into a 13 year old girl tho'. Is it because of the "lovestruck shitshow"?

Since the conclusion is so negative i feel like i should defend myself a little:
The trigger warning were for deaths and were put up on request. (The things you do to please the readers...)
Max was design to be a whiny brat. He's a nobody that got thrown into a world where he doesn't understand anything. I do agree with the "plot contrivance" but that's what makes a story is it not? Especially when your MC is not 'the one'. The pacing and the spelling errors might be because of that " scent of immaturity" since it's the first time i write anything, and in a different language. There is only so much help Google can offer. I'd say there is a big difference between the first chapters i wrote and the ones at the end so... progress?

A lot of "complains" don't bite hard since there is only so much that you can do in a month (inside the story). There will be more werewolf time, unable to transform will be explained and it does have a purpose and of course the government won't stop just because he attacked a base.

Oh, and what do you mean by "The writing was borderline script"?





At least the story was readable so... party time! :D
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Ha! It was part of the reason, yes. If it's any consolation thats just Marcie's oppinion.


I get the reason behind trigger warnings, especially on branches on stories that tend to go for a different tone, but I think they belong in the first chapter.


Eh...kinda. Of course the plot has to happen and that means things that are out of the norm have to occur, but it's important that they don't feel out of place. Proper forshadowing and tablesetting should always be done.

To give a specific example, scenarios like Max overhearing a secret conversation should be avoided since it not only relies on the protagonist getting lucky but also the antagonist being a moron.


As for script writing, well the best example is what Marcie and Gina are doing. Dialog with next to no accompanying text. This is script, and something I struggle with myself in my own stories.

And finally, I can't force them to read anything, but Marcie can certainly force Gina ;P


Zeebop said:
I've always wondered how Marcie would react to an older woman trying to seduce her.

[edit] Probably unfathomable promises of violence.
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Pretty much lol. Ironically Gina is older.


Marcie before Hard Candy would have been more suspectible to this. The Marel Path of Hard Candy actually adresses it for a bit, but no idea when I'm satisfied enough with that one.
 
Been really busy lately but hope to get back to do a Masochist Mode review next week...if it isn't a super-long story. Kind of feel like the last one didn't come out very well.
 
Zeebop said:
Been really busy lately but hope to get back to do a Masochist Mode review next week...if it isn't a super-long story. Kind of feel like the last one didn't come out very well.
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Ha! I constantly second guess myself as well. Doing this for an extended period of time is definitely a challenge.


The wrestling story is definitely very short. I'd say an hour tops.
 
I mean, if you're bored, there are plenty of paths on Lois Lane's Night Out you haven't gone down. Especially none of the longer ones.
 
TheLeherengin said:
NO! I don't have any stories to suggest! I can't ruin Gina's happiness!
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Gina will appreciate that ;P

Zeebop said:
I mean, if you're bored, there are plenty of paths on Lois Lane's Night Out you haven't gone down. Especially none of the longer ones.
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Still has a week to go on the three month waiting period ;P

I was contemplating doing follow ups on stories on masochist mode, but I'm not sure that I want to do that on a weekly basis, I probably will switch to a unregular schedule until new submissions come in
 
CaptainAngel77 said:
Onto the main topic of discussion. Mr. Zeebop, sir, are you planning on doing a response?

Just need to know since I plan to have Cora and Cerebia begin start reading Lois Lane's Night Out tomorrow.

Also, congratulations on your story getting into 9th place on Top Sex Stories.
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I honestly blanked on that (life & writing schedule has been hectic), but yes, I'll work up a response. Thanks!
 
Okay, I just didn't wanna mess up the map thingy by adding a chapter to my review instead of after your response which seems to be how you're supposed to do it.
 
CaptainAngel77 said:
Okay, I just didn't wanna mess up the map thingy by adding a chapter to my review instead of after your response which seems to be how you're supposed to do it.
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Okay, done! Sorry I dropped the ball on this one.

Gambio said:
See, I would do a new Lois Lane, but I feel like Zeebop already has too much on his plate lol
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Oh, just go ahead if you want to. Hell, if you find one of the lesbian endings I'll write a chapter of your choice.
 
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