Not So Shameless Plugs

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haileytraynor

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Do you have chapters with 0-2 likes that you’re really really proud of?

Post them in this thread with these things:

NC = No Criticism (you just want to share it)
CC = Consent to Criticism (you’re open to feedback)

Then, also indicate what you like about the chapter, also the genre/general themes of the story (ENF, BDSM, non-consent, incest, etc) just so people can know going forward.

Only share specific chapters AND only share 3-5 chapters at a single time. Chapters must have been published for at least one month (no immediate self promotion)

Chapters must also be at least 4 paragraphs long (to avoid short transitional chapters)

Chapters may only be your own (since you’re consenting or not consenting to criticism)

All criticism that IS given must be constructive and should ideally be something sent as a private message or perhaps in this thread and NOT in the comment section of the story (unless the author says they want it in the comments).
 
So...with Lois Lane's Night Out, there are a lot of chapters. Like thousands. Nobody is going to read every branch, and some branches just for whatever reason stall out because they don't get enough likes (it's 5 likes for one option, 10 likes for a second). So there are a few chapters that just linger in limbo for weeks or months or even years at this point (the story was never supposed to last so long), and some of them are clunker chapters, I grant you, and some of them just...for whatever reason, didn't click with people.

These are all CC, I have no shame.

A Small Cock - I have to admit, in my fiction, there's a tendency to go for "bigger is better." Even when I'm aware of it, the dickcreep is real, and an "above average" 7-inch dick slowly gives way to "thicker than her wrist," yadda yadda. So every now and again I try to throw in some small cock stuff for balance...and the readers will have none of it.

Try To Drunkenly Suck Blaze's Dick and Vomiting Messily Over It - I can kind of understand, because sometimes when I do second chapters I go deliberately weird and gross-out just so that it's different from the normal options, but sometimes it just doesn't click with readers.

Mirror, Mirror - This one I don't know what happened. I just noticed a typo and edited it, so that might do something to bring it to people's attention, but it just fell through the cracks.

I have a couple other chapters sitting at zero likes, but they usually are move-the-plot-along chapters with no sex in them on really obscure branches. These three, though...
 
Thanks for sharing. I went ahead and liked them all. I will say sometimes chapter titles can factor into likes as well. Sometimes it’s necessary to have “yes” or “no” chapter names, but for discoverability and SEO, it’s not ideal. So I would also keep that in mind. Chapter depth can also be strange sometimes. I’ve had chapters that were 200 chapters deep and get like 18-20 likes and then the previous chapters only 0-5. I don’t really understand that but I suppose if someone is intrigued by a chapter, they may not even think of going backwards.
 
Thanks! Yeah, generic-title-choice-decision-making is a real struggle - doesn't exactly draw readers in, and makes it very difficult to find the right chapter when you go back to a branch. Which is part of the reason I started adopting longer and more distinct/descriptive titles.
 
Maybe something that would help is a bookmark counter per chapter. We have one that is for the entire book, but not specific chapters. It’s like on Twitter we have likes, retweets, and comments that are quantified, but on CHYOA we really only have likes and views. Perhaps if there was a counter for the bookmark it would help encourage writers even if likes are low. For example, maybe you see your chapter has 1 like but alternatively you see it has 10 bookmarks. The difference in data is that you see that people actually do like the chapter so much so they reserved it as a chapter. It’s much different than just seeing 0 likes
 
That is cool. It’s good to be able to draw from personal experience it often comes off as more authentic though sometimes it can lead to not a turn-off but more of an off-putting chapter which maybe has people less likely to like. It depends on the tone really. There are some authors that don’t beat around the bush and others that kind of dance around the subjects, both can work but depending on the audience it could be mix reviewed. It also depends if people are following you and what their notifications are set as. Sometimes people might randomly click on your chapter and like it or they miss it entirely. Or they read it but they forget to like it.
 
remysloane said:
This blow job chapter. Zero likes and counting. I am always open to feedback, good or bad.

I consider myself quite good at sucking dick and channeled every bit of that into my writing, and... crickets.
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If I had a recommendation for how to improve it, I would suggest a stronger focus on the pacing. The one-minute-blowjob is a good idea, but it's over in the blink of the eye. Counting seconds offers great possibilities for building anticipation, and a one-minute blowjob could fairly be a whole chapter or scene in its own right, if it's designed as the focus instead of one little event in between a lot else.
 
I don't normally like to bitch about formatting and the like, but the way you go back-and-forth on punctuation styles (sometimes using apostrophes in place of quotation marks, sometimes putting the punctuation inside the quote and sometimes outside, etc.) on that one is really distressing to me for some reason. Aside from that...

We fucked for a while, and I was surprised to find that I thought she was a hell of a lot better than those whores that I overspent on the last time I was in Dodge.
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I feel like you could have expanded on this a bit.
 
thanks - yeah - should have tidied it up a bit before posting. Will do.
 
JakeSnakeCakes said:
CC

https://chyoa.com/chapter/Pink-Lingerie.1100134

This at the time, was the longest sex scene I wrote. I was really proud of it, and thought I had improved over my earlier chapters.
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Some feedback from a quick read-thru: The sex feels a little too rushed. To quote an excerpt from your chapter: "Her tits jiggle with every thrust, as you fuck her and fuck her, until they pop out of her bra. You bend, putting her exposed nipple in your mouth, sucking and licking. She uses her free arm to grab your back. She digs her nails in, as she screams in pleasure. You can't hold it anymore." is quite a good representation of the chapter. Every sentence is a major point of sex action and it moves so fast with very little in the way of descriptions, which is fine, but a reader that is visualizing the sex in their mind will quickly delete whatever and move on because of the pacing.

If you have spent such a long time building up to this scene perhaps draw the sex out a little longer and more vividly by adding some descriptors or sensual words. "You bend, putting her exposed nipple in your mouth, sucking and licking" could be extended into a mini chapter of its own even.

For context, the pacing of your first half of the sex is much faster than the second half, and its not the pacing of the sex, its the pacing of the writing, the first half crams almost thrice the amount of events the second half has. The dialog is a little too on-the-nose, try to characterize it more towards what the characters themselves would say.

For example: "Wait at least 15 minutes. Then you can pull your cock out." is quite a straightforward piece of text that doesn't sound natural in the context of two people who just had furious sex. Its too grammatically correct and statistical unless your character talks like that all the time. Something like "Don't pull out so fast!" would convey the same message while feeling a little more closer to what would be said. Otherwise keep up the work!
 
parkingdiscount said:
Some feedback from a quick read-thru: The sex feels a little too rushed. To quote an excerpt from your chapter: "Her tits jiggle with every thrust, as you fuck her and fuck her, until they pop out of her bra. You bend, putting her exposed nipple in your mouth, sucking and licking. She uses her free arm to grab your back. She digs her nails in, as she screams in pleasure. You can't hold it anymore." is quite a good representation of the chapter. Every sentence is a major point of sex action and it moves so fast with very little in the way of descriptions, which is fine, but a reader that is visualizing the sex in their mind will quickly delete whatever and move on because of the pacing.

If you have spent such a long time building up to this scene perhaps draw the sex out a little longer and more vividly by adding some descriptors or sensual words. "You bend, putting her exposed nipple in your mouth, sucking and licking" could be extended into a mini chapter of its own even.

For context, the pacing of your first half of the sex is much faster than the second half, and its not the pacing of the sex, its the pacing of the writing, the first half crams almost thrice the amount of events the second half has. The dialog is a little too on-the-nose, try to characterize it more towards what the characters themselves would say.

For example: "Wait at least 15 minutes. Then you can pull your cock out." is quite a straightforward piece of text that doesn't sound natural in the context of two people who just had furious sex. Its too grammatically correct and statistical unless your character talks like that all the time. Something like "Don't pull out so fast!" would convey the same message while feeling a little more closer to what would be said. Otherwise keep up the work!
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Thank you. This is really helpful and I'll keep it in mind.
 
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