In the UK it's national poetry day, so just for fun I thought I'd dig out a poem I wrote a while ago. This is all my own work, it was an answer to a quiz question that set my mind going.
The TV quiz QI (Series M Episode 14: Messy, answering the question “what’s the most inappropriate thing beginning with “M” that has been kissed by the Pope”) The QI elves apparently fished this gem from “A Complete History of the Lives and Robberies of the Most Notorious Highwaymen, Footpads, Shoplifts and Cheats of Both Sexes” by Captain Alexander Smith. The below is based on the true (well, supposedly true) story of The Highwayman Captain Dick Dudley who purchased a pubic wig, or Merkin, from a peddler. He met the peddler on his way to Rome, having fled Britain he was on the run from the law. He sold the merkin to the pope for 100 ducats. QI said it was probably true and one of two possible popes who bought the merkin claimed to be St Peters beard.
St Peter’s beard
The Highwayman Captain Dick Dudley was cunning and brutal
The cries of his victims were harrowing but futile
He spent his loot like a rich old earl
On a jug, bottle and a sweet young girl
His crimes were so great troops were sent
To bring him in and make him repent
With his money gone and the law on his tail
It was to Rome that his boat set sail.
On his journey he formed a plan
By chance he’d met an interesting man.
A tinker and seller of strange things
he offered tat disguised as diamond rings
The peddler asked if he had ever seen a merkin
When ‘no’ was the reply the peddler was smirking.
It’s wig of sorts, used by ladies of the night
Although if worn on the head you’d get a fright
These women of ill repute wear them in bed
but at quite the opposite end to the head
Coins were exchanged and the deal was struck
The merkin was Captain Dick’s and with it the luck
He cleaned and brushed the merkin with great care
For it was holy eyes that were going to stare
None would have believed his plan stood a hope
As he bribed and bullied his way to the pope
Even for the Highwayman it was a daring bluff
To convince the pope with this fake muff
‘I have here Saint Peter’s beard’
Upon seeing it the pope cheered
Such a holy relic, what is your price?
100 ducats would be nice
The pope kissed the beard many a time
So pleased with the find, he ordered the bells to chime
Captain Dick left Rome before his deed was detected
He counted his blessings for his plan had gone better than expected!
Anyone else got a poem or limerick????
The TV quiz QI (Series M Episode 14: Messy, answering the question “what’s the most inappropriate thing beginning with “M” that has been kissed by the Pope”) The QI elves apparently fished this gem from “A Complete History of the Lives and Robberies of the Most Notorious Highwaymen, Footpads, Shoplifts and Cheats of Both Sexes” by Captain Alexander Smith. The below is based on the true (well, supposedly true) story of The Highwayman Captain Dick Dudley who purchased a pubic wig, or Merkin, from a peddler. He met the peddler on his way to Rome, having fled Britain he was on the run from the law. He sold the merkin to the pope for 100 ducats. QI said it was probably true and one of two possible popes who bought the merkin claimed to be St Peters beard.
St Peter’s beard
The Highwayman Captain Dick Dudley was cunning and brutal
The cries of his victims were harrowing but futile
He spent his loot like a rich old earl
On a jug, bottle and a sweet young girl
His crimes were so great troops were sent
To bring him in and make him repent
With his money gone and the law on his tail
It was to Rome that his boat set sail.
On his journey he formed a plan
By chance he’d met an interesting man.
A tinker and seller of strange things
he offered tat disguised as diamond rings
The peddler asked if he had ever seen a merkin
When ‘no’ was the reply the peddler was smirking.
It’s wig of sorts, used by ladies of the night
Although if worn on the head you’d get a fright
These women of ill repute wear them in bed
but at quite the opposite end to the head
Coins were exchanged and the deal was struck
The merkin was Captain Dick’s and with it the luck
He cleaned and brushed the merkin with great care
For it was holy eyes that were going to stare
None would have believed his plan stood a hope
As he bribed and bullied his way to the pope
Even for the Highwayman it was a daring bluff
To convince the pope with this fake muff
‘I have here Saint Peter’s beard’
Upon seeing it the pope cheered
Such a holy relic, what is your price?
100 ducats would be nice
The pope kissed the beard many a time
So pleased with the find, he ordered the bells to chime
Captain Dick left Rome before his deed was detected
He counted his blessings for his plan had gone better than expected!
Anyone else got a poem or limerick????
