Really, really, bad super sex stories.

porneia

porneia

Really Experienced
I forgot what forum thread I read it in*, but someone came up with the idea of writing about really terrible (in the comic sense) sexual encounters, as a revolt against the difficultly of writing the perfect orgasmic sex scene every time, which can become quite a chore.

I have been pondering this for a bit, so what do you think about the suggestion below for a new chyoa story?

Title: When Sex Gets Strange!
Subtitle: Tales of superhero sex gone horribly wrong.
Synopsis: You're a famous super(s) who is seeking the advice of the infamous supervillain, now turned sex-therapist, Hugo Strange after a night of epic failure in the bedroom.
POV: 1st Person
Gender: Both
Category: Humor & Satire

The introductory chapter would be Strange speaking to the reader as if they were his patient, in a stereotypical German accent, of course. Example: "Hello, I am Doctor Strange, not the magician with the Reed Richards or Nick Fury hair dye job, well at least the white guy one, not the cool Samuel L. Jackson director, but the former supervillain, now turned sex-therapist. So, please, tell me your story, and do not leave out any of the naughty bits."

Each branch/chapter after that would be a new person, and or couple (Ex: She-Hulk & Juggernaut) which would be written in the first person talking back to Strange. Example: "Hello, I'm Jennifer Walters, during a mutliverse convergence, I slept with this guy next to me with the dickhead helmet."

So, what do you think?

("*" = It was by zeebop in my "Confession" thread.)
 
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Confessions thread, it was my idea originally (although you're more than welcome to go and run with it, because I have no idea when I'll get to it).

For me, the idea was Bad Sex - things going horribly wrong and weird to very horny people. The hook was going to be like the Green Day song: "When masturbation's lost its fun/ You're fucking lonely..." and it was going to be a fairly realistic (although bizarre) take of an incredibly horny person trying and failing to have satisfying sex (hooking up with grandma on Tinder, scoring with an absolutely useless premature ejaculator, attempting to use a snickers bar wrapper as a condom & other sex ed foibles, etc.) But please, do what you want with it.
 
Carol Ferris looked at the purple power ring on her finger. "Love or its absence fuels the power of a Star Sapphire. I'm one of the strongest because somehow Hal Jordan makes me feel both all of the time."

"...so he was your worst sex?"

"What? Oh, no. Fuck Ollie Queen. Actually, don't. Naming himself 'Arrow' was perfect, really. A self-centered prick is even worse when it hits you at high velocity, by surprise, from across the room. And then is useless and just lies there until someone comes by to pick it up."
 
Rubicon said:
Anyway -- if I didn't make it clear? If you put this story up, I will so, so happily put a branch/es up for your review.
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Thank you! I actually wasn't sure about that, I tend to be a little dense sometimes. I love the idea of a comedic story but I wasn't sure if there would be an appeal for it.
 
porneia said:
Thank you! I actually wasn't sure about that, I tend to be a little dense sometimes. I love the idea of a comedic story but I wasn't sure if there would be an appeal for it.
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I can see different people being listed, to tell their stories... and then a disambiguation chapter just called "Johnny Storm."

Which person's talking about Johnny Storm?
  • Crystal
  • Alicia Masters
  • Lyja
  • Crystal wants another turn; has more to say
  • Namorita
  • Frankie Raye
  • Crystal just thought of that time in Rio -- oh my God
  • Jennifer Walters
  • The Midtown High Graduating Senior Cheerleaders (10th year reunion roundtable)
  • Crystal and Quicksilver (joint, Pietro has more to say than Crystal, really.)
 
Rubicon said:
I can see different people being listed, to tell their stories... and then a disambiguation chapter just called "Johnny Storm."

Which person's talking about Johnny Storm?
  • Crystal
  • Alicia Masters
  • Lyja
  • Crystal wants another turn; has more to say
  • Namorita
  • Frankie Raye
  • Crystal just thought of that time in Rio -- oh my God
  • Jennifer Walters
  • The Midtown High Graduating Senior Cheerleaders (10th-year reunion roundtable)
  • Crystal and Quicksilver (joint, Pietro has more to say than Crystal, really.)
Click to expand...

LOL! I'm chuckling a bit at this...

(Also, why does crystal keep coming back?)
 
Two reasons -- one, comedic effect. Two -- Johnny and Crystal were one of the longer term relationships, and it chained directly into "oh, sorry. I love Quicksilver, not you." And Quicksilver? Not a great husband or person, especially back in those days. so the idea that Crystal dumped Johnny just gets funnier over time.
 
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