Sex Humor (anecdotes, jokes, definitions, situations)

majus

majus

CHYOA Guru
A thread for funny sex anecdotes, jokes, definitions, etc.

Example:

Definition of beautiful breasts

I recently watched a sketch, in which a comedian said that on the nudist beach he learned to differentiate the beautiful breasts from the ugly breasts. He said:

“Between beautiful breasts, there is a pendant... between ugly breasts there is a navel.”
 
Don't get dicktracted when I release some sex humor here.

What does a horny toad say?
Rubbit

How many animals can fit into a pair of pantyhose?
two calves, an ass, a beaver, a shitload of hares, and a fish nobody can find.

What is long, hard and has cum in it?
Cucumber, but I like the way you think.

With all these jokes I need a drink of mount & do me!

Men use love for sex. Women use sex for love. I use coupons to get pizza.

If woman are so great at multitasking. How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time.
 
So how about a factual story that I found funny? I have made mention a few times that my wife and I are swingers, and this attracted the attention of a buddy of mine. He was dating this girl that was bi-curious and wanted to tip her more firmly into the bisexual zone to score a threesome. After much convincing on his part, he got her to agree to try sex with one girl. Which girl? Well mine of course. He knew her prowess in bed (Yes we swung with him once...) and knew she could get his chick liking pussy.

We of course agreed and set up a date to come spend the night so there was no rushing her. Unfortunately even after agreeing to this, the girl was nervous and asked me and my buddy to do an alcohol run. We get back and both girls start hitting the drinks heavy. A short time later, two very happy girls declare that they want to play strip twister. Yes you heard that right. Now they are so blitzed that they don't notice me and my buddy pull a fast one on them. We would thump the spinner so they heard the noise but rarely called out what it landed on. Instead we manipulated it so that they were soon a naked tangled mess.
Finally they fell i. A pile and just went wild. My wife maneuvered this girl into a 69 and me and buddy just sit back and watch. Suddenly my wife screams "OUCH!"

I asked what was wrong and my wife screams "SHE BIT MY PUSSY!" I laughed so hard I fell out of the chair.
 
Little red riding hood comes up to her grand mothers house when the big bad wold comes out and says he is going to lift up her little red skirt, pull down her little red panties, and fuck her tight pussy.

Red pulls out a gun and points it at him saying. "No bitch, you're going to eat me like the story says."
 
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