The Invitation

Javalar

Javalar

Really Experienced
I just published a new story called "The Invitation".

The story is set about an extravagant BDSM party to which a young man and his wife are invited. The man hopes to rise through the ranks of power at his office by attending the party. I plan to make both POVs playable, but will focus first on the husband (as I have a female POV in "Happy Maid" already).

The idea is to have the man start as a blank piece of paper, so his tastes and sexual orientation can develop either way during the evening. He can become a dom or a sub, he can enslave his wife or lose interest in his wife at all. The plan is to add points on five different traits, shaping the character: dominance, submission, bondage, sadism and masochism. Different encounters and reactions will add or deduct points, from mid game on, the points will strongly determine how the protagonist reacts or how others are reacting to the protagonist.

The story will rely heavily on short, concise encounters with different people or different places. The rooms of the mansion where the party takes place play the role of hubs where the rader can choose to interact with what's in the room. On entering a new room, the reader will get "action points", so he can always only interact with a limited number of people (or items or events). After his actions points are used up, the game will lead him directly to the next room (or the next event).

This should also make it easy to contribute: New people, new things, new little events.

The story is still closed to private, but I plan to open it to moderate very soon, as soon as I have enough chapters so that the style is clear to everybody. I know I said the same about "Happy Maid" and have still not opened it, but this time I will. Promise. One of the reasons for starting this story is actually my desire to establish and work on a story with different authors.

Tell me how you like it. :)
 
Loving it so far Javalar! It seems like it's going to be every bit as good as "Happy Maid".

If I might offer one suggestion though, perhaps allow the readers to customize the names of the husband and wife? It's just a personal preference, but still I think it would be a good addition.

In any case, I'm looking forward to more!
 
I'm loving your new story, in particular the use of variables and conditional paths. I like a lot the idea of different little paths based around a central "room" you can return to every time, and the action points mechanics.
I usually dislike big stories with a lot of branching which are only a few chapters long each, but with your method, coming back every time to the room chapter, a reader can go further, reading the entire story, but having chosen along the way the paths he/she preferred. It makes also a story really re-readable many time, without becoming boring.
As i wrote already in a comment on the story itself, i think this is the best use of variables and the best "gaming" story i've read so far on Choya, so keep up the amazing work!
I could even stop lurking around and start writing some little contributions for a story like that, given the possibility, as you said, of just adding a short encounter and not having to write a whole story from the branching point to an ending.
 
This is wonderful feedback, thank you so much, the two of you! :)

And what could be a greater compliment than prompting a lurker out of the shadows to contribute! ;) I am really looking forward finding out what people might come up with.

Concerning the customized names: Yes, I was thinking about that. From a writer's perspective, it's just a bit annoying to write stuff like {name} instead of a name itself. That being said, I could also implement it later. Let's see how often we actually use the names. I managed to write the whole Happy Maid story without ever giving a name to the protagonist.
 
With regards to the names, I get that it's annoying putting the names in brackets, I'm not too fond of it myself. Just a personal preference really.

I hadn't noticed that you wrote Happy Maid without giving the wife a name! Well done.
 
I have added two section to the introduction where I explain the scores and variables and also some notes for writers. Which means I will open the story for contribution soon. :) If anybody has any ideas in mind already, feel free to tell me. I am curious what you might come up with.
 
I added the scene at the x-cross and would be more than happy to see if people come up with ideas for the red corridor. I have one or two myself in mind, basically centered around looking at painted sex scenes (which gives you the complete option for basically anything, although it's not "real"), and maybe standing next to somebody to talk about it.

There should also still be a "just watch" scene at the cross, and I was thinking about a sadistic "pinch and twist her nipple" scene, which would probably have some consequences because it's not part of the game plan.
 
Hey there,

i like the concept of the story with the conditions, as well as the writing.

I have only a minor suggestion: It looks like you are not actually checking how many Action points are currently available to the reader, and instead display a generic message no matter the current amount.
Example: https://chyoa.com/chapter/First-room:-The-atrium.265071 - You always show: Please note: You have 2 action points
Example: https://chyoa.com/chapter/The-red-corridor.266065 - You always show: [Note: You have 3 action points.]

I would certainly be easier, if one could just display the value of a variable. In the meantime, you could add something along these lines as a workaround:

Code: 
You currently have {if Action points = 10}10{elseif Action points = 9}9{elseif Action points = 8}8{elseif Action points = 7}7{elseif Action points = 6}6{elseif Action points = 5}5{elseif Action points = 4}4{elseif Action points = 3}3{elseif Action points = 2}2{elseif Action points = 1}1{elseif Action points = 0}0{elseif Action points >10}more than 10{endif} Action points available. {if Action points = 0}When you are out of Action points, your only option is to proceed to the next room{endif}

Greetings
 
I always assumed that people would not read the room description a second time, so the count was just meant as initial count and as I plan to stay in the lower numbers I expected readers being able to count down from 3, but... THIS IS BRILLIANT!

It even allows me to deduct different point for longer actions and still being transparent.
 
I won't have a lot of time the next days. Anybody fancies to contribute chapters to get the story some visibility on the homepage?
 
I finished the second room, "the red corridor", and will move on to the next room, which will also give a bit more insights about the party.

Still so far no contribution. Feel free to add people, things or answers/reactions to the first two rooms, people!
 
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