The Lost World

B

bastian

Virgin
Just published a new story: https://chyoa.com/story/The-Lost-World.28730

It's a take on the original Amazon Women written by augy6666 and even uses a few of the chapters that I wrote for that story, although a lot of modifications and rewrites have been made to account for changes in story lines.

I'm still making some minor edits for consistency, grammar, flow, but I would love some feedback with respect to writing style and whether it's actually a compelling story.
 
You might want to fix your tags on your starting chapter, at the top.

The story itself - really two stories - are fine. They're written well enough, no major spelling or grammar issues that I noticed (a couple small ones - you might want to consider using Grammarly or something just in case), good length and the action moves briskly. If I had a criticism, it might be that the chapters all end with the pre-filled-in "What's Next?" If you actually work out questions, at least at key decision points where the story can branch, it might make it easier to write branches - either for yourself or for anyone else that wants to add on to your story.
 
Thanks for the feedback.

I'm still in the process of editing a lot of the chapters so any grammar/spelling mistakes will be gone shortly. If you see any glaring ones then please feel free to post a comment or send a DM if you're inclined.

I'll get the 'What's Next' chapter endings done this weekend.

Quick question though how do you add tags to a story? I checked when I was creating the story and didn't see anywhere to enter them. Thanks in advance.
 
Below the entry for "Follow Up Question" should be a field that says "Add a tag." You have to type in your own tags, there's no overall list to select from.
 
Okay, so for anyone that's following.

Golden Age of Piracy
I've made a ton of edits for the Golden Age of Piracy story, specifically focusing on grammar/word use/quality of writing. It's probably not 100% perfect but it should close.

I'm going to change Anna from a princess to Governess' Daughter or something. Don't see many princesses in pirate stories.

The Middle Ages
Still need to proof read last few chapters, though I've been spot editing as people bring errors to my attention.

Both
Added prompting questions to all chapters and changed the names of many chapters to be a little catchier.

Tags will be done today.
 
So far, a lot of fun! Course, when you mention the governess' daughter, the first thought that comes to mind is, "How many times must I ask you to call me Anna?" "At least Once More, Miss..."
What can I say, I like the classics. ;P

So far pretty decent and a nice flow. You've had a lot of fun with both stories, and the MC comes across as entirely believable. I'm enjoying the characters, and it's an interesting story, altogether.


Sorry, couldn't resist. But seriously, I am enjoying where you're going, read a bit, dropped a few likes, and thanks for reworking this and making it interesting! Never checked out your paths on the original, and I see that was a mistake in retrospect.
 
I’m back after a relatively long hiatus. I’m trying desperately to finish off the main branch of my Middle Ages storyline.
 
Another year and a half has flown by. Where does the time go!

At any rate, I'm reaching the end of one of the branches of the middle ages storyline. Just a few chapters left. After that I'm going to split my time on the Golden Age of Piracy storyline and an alternate ending that has the protagonist end up with Viola rather than Persephone.

As always, feedback is welcome. Even more than feedback, please let me know if there are any incontinences in my storylines.
 
Lol, took nearly the whole year to finish the middle ages section. Went back and edited/rewrote a ton of it as well.

Would love some thoughts on where to head next with it.
 
Just did a massive rewrite of most chapters (medieval).

Struggling with where to take the story next. Kinda want to do a massive invasion from an external force. Might go back to piracy for a while.
 
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