The problem with insecurity

SilverSpectre006

SilverSpectre006

Experienced
Woof, insecurity is not something you want to have at all. It bites XD
Tell me if you’ve been through this before.

Example:

Me: Perfect! I got an idea what happens next for Character A!

Brain: But that’s not really something worth reading to me, I mean it’s crap. What is this supposed to be character development in an erotica? We have books and novels for that. You trying to be artsy? You’re an amateur.

Me: Well, I have followers and I have all these likes so people must be enjoying what I have to offer right?

Brain: You really rely on other people praising your work to feel good about yourself? Wow.

Me: That’s not the point! Look, I got some new chapters for Character B see? She’s going through some challenges of her own too.

Brain: Right right, hey remember how you decided that instead of a gender swap you would make them two separate characters because it was new? Really paid off, huh? It truly was the cross over no one wanted nor cared for.

Me: You know you really aren’t helping me here, I kinda want some support not this. Why are you doing this?

Brain: I’m just telling you what you’re thinking, don’t blame me. Look at your work. You have all these ideas but don’t have a clue how to write entertaining material. You write because you like to and yet you yearn for more likes and favorites. You’re not the good guy you want to be, you’re selfish. You want to be the guy on top when you know you’ll never come close. So why even bother?

Woof, times like that when I find myself needing to walk alone for a while, grab a drink (I don’t drink alcohol though lol) or just listen to some piano or violin music (the kind that truly relax me, I have weird taste I know).
Any of you guys have a similar situation there? Feel free to share some examples haha, I’m not asking for help I’m asking just for discussion and talk cuz I find insecurity so annoying but hard to be rid of at times haha XD
 
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Reason I usually write in the morning...
Right now been having a slight dry patch because the kids are home from spring break, and dealing with all of that shit as well as writing becomes impossible. Add in my SO staying over, and the chances of my actually being able to write drop to zero.

Yes, my brain does all that stuff too. Hence why I just write. If I let my doubts rule me, I NEVER write. I just remember that I WILL write today, and to hell with the rest of it. Readers will come or go, but this is the story I WANT to tell.
 
Somebody once said: If you as an author have self doubts about your work, or fear that somebody might not like what you write, go to an online bookstore/book recommendation website of your choice, search for one of the most acclaimed books of all time (you know, Goethe or Shakespeare or Poe, or one of you contemporary favourites.) and then read the 1-star-reviews.

And realize that there will ALWAYS be people who dislike this or that.
 
A lot of people seem to like your work though silverspectre.

I've also been looking at spindizzy's stuff during working hours.

I'm starting to think there really is a higher summit after climbing a mountain so the anxiety never goes away.

I do have anxiety about the lack of people liking my work, i feel like a good story can go for months but still have 10 likes, i even have one comment through one of my works; then i found out i wrote it asking for comments... talk about pathetic.

but i do enjoy people bookmarking my story... it keeps me going, one person even bookmarked chapter after chapter so i feel theres going to be less insecurity there more involvement there is.
 
Kaede said:
A lot of people seem to like your work though silverspectre.

I've also been looking at spindizzy's stuff during working hours.

I'm starting to think there really is a higher summit after climbing a mountain so the anxiety never goes away.

I do have anxiety about the lack of people liking my work, i feel like a good story can go for months but still have 10 likes, i even have one comment through one of my works; then i found out i wrote it asking for comments... talk about pathetic.

but i do enjoy people bookmarking my story... it keeps me going, one person even bookmarked chapter after chapter so i feel theres going to be less insecurity there more involvement there is.
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People do like my work and I’m eternally thankful for that, it’s just my mind starts drifting off to negative thoughts a lot XD like I can’t help but compare how one story adds one chapter after two weeks of absence and gains over 20 likes within the day it was published while my chapters struggle to reach 5. It’s a slippery slope and I know I shouldn’t think like that, it’s a work in progress I’ve had for a while now ahaha
 
Javalar said:
Somebody once said: If you as an author have self doubts about your work, or fear that somebody might not like what you write, go to an online bookstore/book recommendation website of your choice, search for one of the most acclaimed books of all time (you know, Goethe or Shakespeare or Poe, or one of you contemporary favourites.) and then read the 1-star-reviews.

And realize that there will ALWAYS be people who dislike this or that.
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This. This was probably something I needed to hear, thank you. I’ll try and remind myself of this daily haha
 
brevdravis said:
Reason I usually write in the morning...
Right now been having a slight dry patch because the kids are home from spring break, and dealing with all of that shit as well as writing becomes impossible. Add in my SO staying over, and the chances of my actually being able to write drop to zero.

Yes, my brain does all that stuff too. Hence why I just write. If I let my doubts rule me, I NEVER write. I just remember that I WILL write today, and to hell with the rest of it. Readers will come or go, but this is the story I WANT to tell.
Click to expand...
I’d clap my hands for what you just said, sounds like you know how to overcome your insecurities haha. Trouble is, sometimes I just don’t know if my story is what people want. I’m not sure, the story I have doesn’t exactly carry a plot on it, it could end at any point really. Hmm...
 
It just feels weird when a user press like, like, like on stories then bookmarks on you.

I don't see what the message is.
I'm going on a bunch of variations but I can't see what technique works and what doesn't
 
Kaede said:
It just feels weird when a user press like, like, like on stories then bookmarks on you.

I don't see what the message is.
I'm going on a bunch of variations but I can't see what technique works and what doesn't
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To my understanding I believe it means they are going to be busy or they are interested in your work so they bookmark you to come back to you later. It’s an educational guess though.
 
I really know how you feel. I don't even know why I started writing the other day, but I sit and type and delete and retype and worry about every little thing. Finish it all up and go why am I even writing this. Worry a chapter is to long, to short, plot not developing fast enough, not writing any erotic parts yet.

The brain really is a painful thing. I'm finally working through some depression issues and as stressful as the whole writing process is, it really can take you to a different world.

If you want to write, write. If people don't like it so what? If you like to write, do it. If it a story takes a turn you didn't expect but enjoy where it's going explore. Chyoa stories are not a fixed path, can always back track down a path of it doesn't play out in a way you want to write about right now and return later. And as crazy as it is someone will probably enjoy reading it even if you look at it and think man this sucks.

Embrace the likes, people are showing they have an interest and want more of your writing. Don't obsess over it every chapter of story isn't a masterpiece but it's a part of your collective experience.

Insecurity is tough, always at the back of your mind. Sorry for the big of a rant, was a bit cathartic writing it all out for my own worries.
 
Abadwriter said:
Embrace the likes, people are showing they have an interest and want more of your writing...
Insecurity is tough, always at the back of your mind. Sorry for the big of a rant, was a bit cathartic writing it all out for my own worries.
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I don’t mind the rant at all mate, in fact I welcome it. I love making discussions and getting to know people better haha, just haven’t made the right topic for it yet. But your words do hold weight in them and I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes (like today) I just find me doubting myself and lost in the emotions but it’s just a daily journey I try to survive along with everyone else.

Emotions are a beautiful thing and I will forever struggle in life attempting to capture such beauty in words. They carry the worst of memories but also the best of them, and insecurity is the opposite of confidence, a yin and yang. We need one side too appreciate the other.

Overall I really do connect with what your experience is, I believe what you’re saying is don’t let it control you and cloud your view of things. It’s true, my story does have its fans and I’ll always wonder why but I’m forever grateful for them haha :)

Plus I’m working on a second story that requires more focus since the chapters are a lot longer hahaha

But thanks for your words Abadwriter :)
 
Kinda late to this, but hi. I understand being concerned nobody will like your contributions or receiving bad reviews. Personally I always console myself with the thought that this is a hobby. Not everyone is going to like everyone else's hobby or how they go about it. The people who actually take time out of their day to say your stuff is terrible are in a definite minority. Furthermore, the people who read and review your writing are mostly going to be people who went looking for what you were writing and generally at worst will offer constructive criticism. Another thing is something I think was mentioned before. A great way to get over that anxiety is to just start writing and let the words flow. When writing I'm usually too focused on describing the scene and keeping the story on some kind of track to worry if it'll be a blockbuster, trash, or just 'meh'. Ultimately I'm having fun doing something I like and letting my private devil out to play. The fact others often enjoy it is pure bonus.
 
Withness said:
Kinda late to this, but hi. I understand being concerned nobody will like your contributions or receiving bad reviews. Personally I always console myself with the thought that this is a hobby. Not everyone is going to like everyone else's hobby or how they go about it. The people who actually take time out of their day to say your stuff is terrible are in a definite minority. Furthermore, the people who read and review your writing are mostly going to be people who went looking for what you were writing and generally at worst will offer constructive criticism. Another thing is something I think was mentioned before. A great way to get over that anxiety is to just start writing and let the words flow. When writing I'm usually too focused on describing the scene and keeping the story on some kind of track to worry if it'll be a blockbuster, trash, or just 'meh'. Ultimately I'm having fun doing something I like and letting my private devil out to play. The fact others often enjoy it is pure bonus.
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Better late then never haha.

Thanks for the advice, when I first made the post I was in a mixed state. My story had plenty of attention but I began to get competitive, it's a bad habit I'm trying to shake off Haha. When it comes to hobbies, I start getting competitive quick and yea that's not a healthy thing to do. Had to drop my first story and take a break before writing a second one, this time it was a story I was fresh towards and had plenty to add to it. Still do, only issue is it's a slow pace when it comes to likes and views but maybe my story isn't for everyone Haha.

You could say I followed your advice though, I would appreciate some likes and comments on my stories but in the end I like writing them so the rest is extra if I come across them. But yes indeed, when it comes to hobbies like these if you aren't enjoying them then you are doing something wrong or it is not for you.
 
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