The Virgin Heroine

I have a question about something I'm thinking of doing: Sabine, Xallia and Glenda get teleported by something (possibly a wisp) from Blauwalt Forest to the outskirts of a village or a town (which could bring them closer to Gerlangen, or further away from it). The problem is that so far the only village that has been explored even a little is Launsdorf, and a couple more were mentioned when explaining about the possible roads Sabine could take. So I was wondering if you have any ideas about other towns and villages to be visited along the way?

Or maybe I should teleport them in a completely different location, such as to the north of Gerlangen (so they have to travel south instead of west), or to the west (so now they have to travel east). Any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions?
 
It seems like you have a pretty good grasp on what you should do if you don't want to use Launsdorf as a location. I am going to try to keep some threads moving introduce the mining town of Slurry and maybe introduce Gerlangen so those two can become available settings, but I have no problem with you making up another town if you don't want to wait for me. Looking forward to whatever you come up with.
 
Well, I decided to go with the "teleported someplace else" idea. I also have another question: Anything in particular I should keep in mind when writing about elves? I have an idea about a thread involving two groups of elves: The first one consists of elves like Glenda, the second group consists of what may or may not be Deep Elves. Each group accuses the other of being criminals (and it just so happens that their accusations will not be mutually exclusive, so both groups might be telling the truth).
 
loved the thread written by FallenSaint with Glenda, Sabine, and Xallia and now Anya. I wrote a couple posts continuing his latest post that I hope people enjoy reading. I proofread it a few times, I keep missing things but the only red marks are because of names.

Such as the demon Lord Thoros. I remember I wanted to type that name but I ended up talking myself out of it.
 
say hematoma. I have a question about the panteon in your story. Are they all named after flowers like the burning rose? Cause I was toying around with an idea of having the main character meet a necromancer or a vampire, who then tells her about a different goddess, like "the night lotus" or "the evening lilly" for example.
 
I've finally got a bit of time so I will try and continue my story arc. Hematoma, I wanted to see if my long-term plan was going to be in conflict with yours, as I wanted to get Sabine to Gerlangen eventually and thought you probably had some ideas about that.
 
Also, Archfiend - I'd like to try and weave Indra into one path of my story arc with Ramos somehow. How would you feel about that?
 
I left you feedback in the thread where you asked the same question, but I'll copy/paste it here in case this is more convenient:

"Sure, I've got a bunch of ideas floating around :)

"As far as borrowing her, go right ahead! I don't think it's lazy to incorporate someone else's character if you do it justice :)

"Keep in mind that even though Indra is technically an ally, and Sabine might even think of her as a friend in my thread, she's ultimately out for herself. Thoros' base of operations is far too close to her home for comfort, so she's helping Sabine to the best of her ability in order to accomplish her own ends. Now, in later chapters of my thread, obviously she's become a lot more loyal, even though her true intentions haven't come out yet, but keep that in mind in case you want to use Indra - she has her own agenda, and she's playing her cards very close to her chest.

"That said, there may be other ways to deal with Sabine's daemon fetus than meeting Indra. The simplest way, and one I'd be interested to see, is that she simply has to deal with the consequences. It sounds from my thread like the imp that mastered her will be reborn as her child, but maybe it's not quite as cut-and-dry as that. Maybe when she and/or Ramos realize what's happening, it becomes a race against time to get to the High Abbey. Or maybe they run afoul of some other creature that does have the ability to purge Sabine's womb... for the purpose of planting its own offspring inside. Out of the frying pan, so to speak."
​
I might have created the NPC, but she's not "mine", and I'm not married to her, so do whatever you like! :)
 
Yeah sorry for spamming the question in multiple locations - as far as I know you don't receive notifications for replies to comments, so I wasn't sure how best to start the dialogue.

I've got some ideas stewing about the trajectory to come. I want to try and sketch out a list of events for this arc from this point, as I've been just going with the flow so far and having a rough outline should keep me focused.

I really like this story guys. Great start Hematoma, but also brilliant contributions from so many writers. Excellent collaboration! It's also nice that it feels like it's got some momentum - we might actually finish it someday!
 
Yeah, this may not be the most *ahem* marketable way to practice my writing, but I've got some other projects I've been working on (slowly) so at least this way I can keep my fingers moving and the ideas flowing. I've been pretty committed to adding something new at least once every couple of days, as long as I'm not getting too far in my thread compared to everyone else (for logistical reasons).

So... finishing someday? Who knows, but it's a nice thought! lol :)

As far as sketching out a basic outline of events, here's the plotline I'm currently working with:

Sabine and Indra are navigating the depths of the Blauwalt Forest to avoid likely daemon-infested main roads. Meanwhile, Sabine struggles to understand what she's become. Indra has her own agenda, still unknown, but it is currently overshadowed by her enthrallment to Sabine.

First challenge they encounter results in Indra being snatched. This is where I'm currently at. Sabine ultimately has to decide whether or not to abandon Indra, and with her, whatever shreds of humanity she still clings to. I'm assuming she chooses to rescue her, but I'm going to leave open the possibility for her to take the darker route where she gives Indra up for lost.

Regardless of the results of this first challenge, Sabine will next arrive at a frontier settlement, secluded from the rest of the world, and possibly overlooked by Thoros' minions. She'll have to confront her succubus nature head-on as she's forced to conceal her identity, but is also tempted with the prospect of feeding off males for the first time (in this arc) - keep in mind my Sabine has still had only very limited contact with men.

Whatever happens there, the third challenge is the birth of her daemon child. I intend for this to happen when she is near to exiting the woods. This final choice will ultimately determine if she gives up or retains her humanity, and will have an effect on her relationship with Indra.

Following all of that, she'll then be on her final leg of the journey, possibly with a witch and her offspring in tow. Maybe there will be another settlement she needs to pass through, or perhaps a daemon blockade, before she actually arrives at the High Abbey.

That's my very basic sequence of events, anyway. Feel free to make suggestions, requests, collaborate, etc. :)
 
If we're sharing intended storylines, allow me to share a few as well :)

In the story arc where Sabine meets a doppelganger, I intend to let travel to gerlangen with the doppelganger as her friend. But since the doppelganger wants to propegate her species, she'll be actively searching for women she meets in her travels to impregnate. These could be fellow travelers they meet, or people they meet at an inn, or even some fellow sisters at the high abbey. For the moment, this story arc is about to head to Gerlangen itself and since i have no idea what Hematoma intends gerlangen to be, i am hesitant to continue. I'll wait untill hematoma posts a description of Gerlangen and then i'll continue.

In the arc where Sabine gangs up with a slimegirl against some pirates, there's a conflict of interests. One option i'm exploring is to simply use the pirates to get to Gerlangen faster. Again, i am waiting for a description of Gerlangen before continuing those threads.
Another option is for Sabine to support the slimegirl and take down the pirates.
The last one is where Sabine throws in her lot with the pirates and becomes a buccaneer herself.

Then there is a new arc i've been toying with . It's about Sabine meeting a vampire. But i'm not going to tell any more about that one. It would be too much of a spoiler if i did ;)
 
Vampire Sabine! :D

Also, I hate to shatter anyone's own mental image of our plucky heroine, but I do kind of want to share what I see when I picture her, more or less... so...

Yct2Y.jpg

Obviously, YMMV. Enjoy!
 
Some ideas came to mind when I was writing the bad ending (one of) for my Ettercap event.

It occurs to me that daemoness Sabine in my thread might return to the realm of daemons when she dies, which I imagine would be a location ripe for adventure in its own regard. I've got a few ideas about how that could go: she would be desperate to find a way home, and mind search high and low for some sort of portal (that may not even exist), might be willing to make deals with other daemons or enter into service with them to find a way back, might run into her former sisters dragged to hell by Thoros' minions, might even be recognized and enslaved along with them, or might be whisked back to the moral world by chance by a sorcerer attempting to summon a daemonic servant.

I'm curious what people's thoughts would be about that sort of development. It's getting awfully far from the original theme of the story, and maybe it's just unnecessary - sometimes the dead should stay that way! But if enough people (or the right people) think the idea has merit, I might come back to it. It's NOT where my focus would be at the moment, so there's plenty of time to let the idea stew, either way.
 
A young human woman becomes a succubus and finds herself in hell, then tries to go back to the world of mortals. This sounds an awful lot like the synopsis of a seperate story. Which is usually a good indication that it should be.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's an interesting premise and definately worth exploring. But it should probably be done as a story in its own right, not as a subplot.

Unless ... the main characters stay in the underworld is of short term. She wakes up in hell, has 1 encounter there, and then returns to the basic plot. Due to the way chyoa is set up, you can even start with her waking up in hell and split off into 5 different paths, each being a different encounter you want to explore, each ending with her getting back to the mortal world.
 
I mostly agree.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think it would be better off as a spin-off tale. That's not to say that I'm planning to start it anytime soon, I don't want to distract from the main story.
 
Wonderful work, everyone.

Just posted my first thread on this story. Thought I'd put my reasoning behind my story line.

I wanted to start a more direct combat story line, something different from the other lines. Not that she is going to become this one woman daemon slaying badass. I figure she is a rookie, has training but no experience. So this becomes something that can lead to Sabine meeting (and possibly losing to) foes of greater numbers, and even Thoros himself.

The Silent Watch was something I came up with as a reason for Sabine being 'the youngest paladin' as stated in the intro page. Though most of the tales Sabine has heard about them is usually slight (or more) exaggerations, or one sided information. I want them to be able to fight the daemons better than regular paladins, but still be able to fall. (Just ignore that tiny spoiler, please.)

As for the War Mother, I recall somewhere in the comments about becoming a succubi (which we got), but I wanted something that wouldn't require someone to become pregnant and overcoming their master. Not that that is a bad thing, just wanted something quicker. As well, this manner would also cause the victim to become a loyal servant of Thoros. (Kinda was inspired by a comic on another site. Called 'Devotion'.
 
Next one's up now.

It's a little funny, I make the members of the Silent Watch out to be badasses, and their first physical appearance in the story has them falling easily. The tale about the barrel of venom is mostly true though, just that the member in the tale merely fought until the daemons were slain. When (male) reinforcements arrived; well, let's just say the soldiers returned with shit-eating grins on their faces and a barkeeper gave birth 9 months later. Also, the members are hidden to mortals and low-power daemons. They just don't really know that fact.

The 'pets' are pretty much just a mass of tentacles with arms and legs. I think I just totally made them up off the top of my head.

I wanted the Sword of Saint Magdalena to be both powerful, yet not perfect. It's going to be a key point coming up. I actually had the idea about it being more than what Sabine knew about before it was posted in the story.

Thoros is mostly an unknown in the story so far. We have him fighting in one thread, yet the focus is mainly on sucking imp cock. The rest of the time, he is in a state of rest. So we don't really have any idea of his abilities that make him the Daemon Lord. So I gave a hint of his absurdly power. Otherwise, a huge army of paladins could just bum-rush him. I want him to become somewhat of a hopeless foe, and yet restrict him at the same time. Hence, the seal bit and the shadow of him. (And yes, that is a reference to OoT and Phantom Ganon. The one boss that gave me trouble besides Ganondorf.) Just for writers' sake, the shadow isn't really as strong as Sabine thinks it is. It mainly just has Thoros' aura of lust, about half of his power of controllong mortal flesh, and a small boost above the strength of average daemons. More powers may come.

The treasure thing is another reason Thoros will chase Sabine, and is not really about a sense of triumph, but more about blue balls.

Ok, this just popped into my head. Who actually gave birth to Ganondorf? I know the witches are both said to be his mother, so does it mean their fused form did? Have to check that out.
 
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The idea of an elite force is a good one, but like you said, having four of these badasses get their introduction in the 'defeated' stage kindof negates their badassery. I think it's a good example of ludonarative dissonance.
Imagine Kratos from the 'God of war' series destroying everything in his path, including buildings, getting stuck behind a locked door untill he finds a key cause the game won't allow progress otherwise. Kratos is portrayed as strong enough to break that door, why not do that instead.
Your silent watch feels kinda similar to this. First we get information that they can do so many awsome things, and the first we actually see of them is them having failed to do all that badassery.
If i may make a suggestion, have Sabine get saved or meet with a member of the silent watch that isn't under deamonic influence. That way she can show off her skills, explain why the others were so easilly dispatched or even give some lore, like how they were first created, what their primary objectives are ... explain them in a slower pace. (Feel free to use Gabrielle if you want, I already put her in as a paladin, but I've done bitter few with her)
Incidentally, why give an artifact like saint magdalena's sword to someone who is a ceremony short from being a paladin, and not to a fully fledged member of the silent watch? Should that increase the successrate of the quest? Maybe have her get stabbed by one of those corrupting spears. That should deal with that issue.

Be careful not to make Thoros too powerful. If he really is that unbelievebly powerful, why does he still have need of an army, he should be able to do everything himself.

As for the sword of Saint Magdalena, I remember Hematome say she had an idea for that but never went into it. I myself have an interesting idea for it as well, but since i'm not aware what Hematoma's idea for it is, i am hesitant to add it. Though my idea would make Thoros consider the sword as far more valuable then just a pretty treasure.
It would help if I knew what 'secrets' I could explore, like the value of the holy sword, Ivona's disapearance or which other gods exist in this story. (Hematoma never got back to me whether a death goddess by the name of 'winter lotus' was ok to put in)
 
Okay, so I just finished reading over your most recent thread and I think just a few small tweaks would help to balance out your narrative quite a bit.

In reference to the badassery of your elite paladins being so easily defeated, just add a line or two about slain daemon corpses littering the floor of the main hall. If you want these new daemons of yours to be a cut above, then you can describe the other corpses as lesser daemons. Makes perfect sense to me that you'd have a small cadre of your finest warriors defending the main entrance to buy enough time for the younger or older sisters to escape, and it makes for a great image as well - the four of them fighting side-by-side, almost turning the tide of the battle themselves until Thoros and his abominations arrive.

I think the "barrel of daemon venom" is kind of unbelievable considering just a kiss is usually enough to scramble a woman's brains with lust.

As for Thoros' power, or maybe the power of "his shadow"... perhaps he requires eye-contact, or maybe he doesn't need to lock eyes but he can only control someone directly under his gaze? So he is almost unbeatable in single combat, but get more than one person and fight him from different angles. Or maybe his power isn't unbeatable, but he catches most women off-guard and by then it's too late, and for Sabine, she's already had to fight back against daemonic lust.

All just food for thought. I really am enjoying what you're doing and I hope to see more soon! :)
 
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