Time for a Rebound

[mrwitchita]

Hello,

I'm new and have started my first story. I'm using variables and conditional loops quite rigorously. For branching options to return to the story, as well as variables to control events.

I would love criticisms and suggestions.

For 'debugging' I've left the variable view able if you hit play game.

Thank you

 

[HaremStarter]

It would if you would put a link to your story in the thread.

 

[mrwitchita]

Right, right!
https://chyoa.com/story/Time-for-a-Rebound.12135
Thanks Harem

 

[Nemo of Utopia]

Word choices are hella awkward, but it's a solid foundation, got me hard. Work on your style and grammar and you've got something.