You, You And Even More You

I grew up with the original "Choose Your Own Adventure" books, the ones which were actually made of paper and you had to turn to a specific page after making a choice. Cave of Time, Who Killed Harlowe Thrombey, Space and Beyond... I ate it up when I was a kid. They were exclusively written in second person, so that's what I became accustomed to in this format. (Besides, it's right there in the genre description: Choose YOUR Own Adventure).

Like anything else, I think second person can be done if it's handled right. One important thing is to make the protagonist someone who the reader is likely to want to be - make him (or her) a smart, witty, capable character with admirable qualities, but also something of an Everyman who just about anyone can relate to. It's easier for the reader to enjoy the story if you write something like this:

You offer Tricia a hand and pull her up to join you on the summit, and this time you're sure it's not just your imagination - she IS holding onto you a little longer than necessary before letting go, and the look in her eyes tells you that she's glad you're starting to catch on. Could it be that she's planning something more than just admiring the sunrise with you?

Few readers would be upset over being in that situation and behaving in the manner described. On the other hand, something like this is less likely to be appreciated:

You kick the puppy off the sidewalk and hoist the "Trump Is My President!" sign a little higher on your shoulder, pleased to see that there are a lot fewer ugly chicks in the crowd today; you're really sick and tired of seeing ugly people. Speaking of which, about three paces ahead of you is that stupid whore you fucked up against the dumpster behind the bar last night; you'd really like to give it to her in the ass next time!

It's also important, I think, to give the reader choices at the right moments - even when the choice would seem to be obvious, like when one is about to have sex. Few readers would choose an option NOT to proceed with sex when it comes up in the story, but I think it's good to have the choice there anyway, so the reader can feel like they're making the call.

The advantage of 2P when it's done well is that it literally makes the reader a part of the story. It can be a lot more engaging to read about "you" having a hot three-way with a couple of pretty college roommates than to read about some guy named Bob doing it.
 
Back to the initial question:

Turning around, your buttocks instinctively tighten.
Your hands dart off.
The left goes down.
Covers your crotch.
The right goes up.
Grabs the left breast and hides the other with the forearm.
Click to expand...

Would that be acceptable or simply ungrammatical?
 
Xenolan said:
Like anything else, I think second person can be done if it's handled right. One important thing is to make the protagonist someone who the reader is likely to want to be - make him (or her) a smart, witty, capable character with admirable qualities, but also something of an Everyman who just about anyone can relate to.

It's also important, I think, to give the reader choices at the right moments - even when the choice would seem to be obvious, like when one is about to have sex. Few readers would choose an option NOT to proceed with sex when it comes up in the story, but I think it's good to have the choice there anyway, so the reader can feel like they're making the call.
Click to expand...

I'm not shy about personalizing the attitudes (and sometimes anxieties and prejudices) of a second-person protagonist, say, in my threads in Slut World. (Maybe I have a hard time getting a good handle on an Everyman point of view!) But your advice on creating meaningful choice points in the character's storyline is good, and one I could work on better developing.

-Z.
 
gene.sis said:
In my eyes, this wouldn't fit the situation. The reader should get 4 choices to decide how embarrassing it would be to them to get caught naked. So it should mainly convey the quick action.
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If that is the case then maybe something like.

"You realise you are about to be discovered you..."

Then break in to multiple chapters. I use those kinds of hanging sentences at the end of chapters all the time with the first line of the next chapter filling in the rest of it.

gene.sis said:
Turning around, your buttocks instinctively tighten.
Your hands dart off.
The left goes down.
Covers your crotch.
The right goes up.
Grabs the left breast and hides the other with the forearm.
Click to expand...

For me, if that is within a chapter, it doesn't really flow. In my head I am picturing a person methodically covering themselves not someone unexpectedly trying to cover up in a hurry.
 
For me, if that is within a chapter, it doesn't really flow. In my head I am picturing a person methodically covering themselves not someone unexpectedly trying to cover up in a hurry.[/QUOTE]

I thought about something like this once. Writing according to the tone of the story at the time. Foreplay for example would be long drawn out sentences while sex scenes would be faster and shorter. Especially near climax. Catch is making it not sound like Yoda having sex he is. Yes.
 
I think writing according to the scene and tone isn't too insane. I try to to that, at times, subtly. Using a lot of ellipses. Cut off thoughts at strategic times.

Have I mentioned that I have a peculiar stylistic fetish with ellipses and sudden paragraph breaks?

I do.
 
Xenolan said:
Like anything else, I think second person can be done if it's handled right. One important thing is to make the protagonist someone who the reader is likely to want to be - make him (or her) a smart, witty, capable character with admirable qualities, but also something of an Everyman who just about anyone can relate to. It's easier for the reader to enjoy the story if you write something like this:
Click to expand...

I think making the character too "nice" kinda runs the risk of landing in the valley of the Mary/Marty Sue.

I tend to try and keep the character as a person unto themselves, really the reader is just deciding what they will do out of choices that that character would possible take. So a character that is 100% straight would never consider suddenly having sex with someone of the same sex. At least not without some other prompting.

There is a audience for taking on the role of a completely hateful character, hell the entire non-con fetish kind of requires it when written from the perspective of the person forcing them self on someone else. Hell there has been demand for writing a thread of 10 to 1 that is about a "sexually aggressive" guy.
 
lizisbest said:
I think making the character too "nice" kinda runs the risk of landing in the valley of the Mary/Marty Sue.

I tend to try and keep the character as a person unto themselves, really the reader is just deciding what they will do out of choices that that character would possible take.
Click to expand...

The "Mary Sue" effect isn't an entirely bad thing here; after all, the protagonist in a 2P story isn't just a self-insert for the writer, but for the reader as well. In fanfiction the Mary Sues are annoying because they overshadow the characters we already know and take over the story, but in a 2P story that's already kind of built-in. Also, the CHYOA format actually gives one a method for avoiding the perfect, always-right protagonist; all one has to do is include some WRONG options in the story which lead to bad consequences.

I think of the POV character along the same lines as the protagonist in a first-person shooter video game. Very few of us would actually be capable of performing the kinds of feats that take place in games like Halo and Call of Duty; most people are not in that kind of peak physical condition, with training to use all those weapons and the ability to keep hitting targets and dodging bullets after hours of combat. We don't care, we just play the game. Similarly, the POV characters in my stories tend to be inherently more skilled, more physically impressive, and a hell of a lot luckier than your average person; they're also usually portrayed as the "nice guy who wins." But I don't think it's a problem, because it's all about fantasy fulfillment and entertainment anyway.
 
I like the 'You' in Blowjob Universe, personally.

It's fun reading, and was fun writing, about a stupid, paranoid, ugly, irredeemable loser. And if I allowed myself to be immersed, it was fun being that guy.

My point being that I personally don't think 'You' have to be likeable and relatable and sexy. Or of the same gender or species or...

Some people get hung up on second person. Being made out as if its 'you' doing this or that.

I wonder if it might be easier for a portion of those people if the main character isn't at all like them - if the main character is so far afield that there is little chance if them ever projecting what they would do on the character, so they can't/don't get hung up on why the 'you' in the story is not, in fact, doing or saying or having options for the 'you' that is reading.
 
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