The Afterparty : a misunderstood story?

SeriousBrainDamage

SeriousBrainDamage

Really Really Experienced
I added quite some chapters to this story, so i feel i gained the rights to discuss it a bit.

The first time i read the introduction it was clear to me that, knowingly or unknowingly the author's oriented it towards the relationship between the MC and his Crush, and consequently towards a light netorare story.

Is it just me?
 
Your threads were quite good, SeriousBrainDamage. However, I disagree with you on that, I think Cloontang1 didn't orient the story in any way, he just gave us the tools (characters) with a few predefined aspects (crush, supposed slut, best friend, douchebag, etc) and left to us, the contributors, how to use those tools.

I see it like a game with different difficulties:
Easy - write a story with the MC getting the crush to fall for him, or even easier, she's already in love with him and just has to admit it.
Medium - write a story with the MC falling for his best friend instead of the crush, and facing the consequences of that action, such as being rejected or finding out she already likes him, for instance.
Hard - write a story with the MC falling for the supposed slut; this is where you can go nuts with the possibilities, such as the MC finding out he likes the slut side of hers, or even discovering that the slut reputation is just that, a reputation, and the girl is actually really interesting. This is also the kind of story which most affects the other characters as well, with the possibility of having the male best friend getting angry and trying to get revenge (remembering that his crush on the slut was added later, it's not on the opening thread), or pushing the crush or the best friend towards the douchebag. I also see the supposed slut as the girl with most potential for fun sex scenes, like getting rough, being kinky or even initiating threeways.
 
The medium story sounds nice, especially with the best friend also having feelings for the MC. The Hard story also sounds great, with the crush going to the douchebag and the female best friend going to the male best friend, or Sarah initiating a threesome with the MC and Nicole, or a threesome with Sarah, John and Matt, or a foursome with Sarah, Nicole, John and Matt.
 
You seem to see it like a dating game.
Even if you want to read it as dating/harem game the slut would be easy. She's a slut!
And the Crush or the Friend would be the hardest.

But i just can't see it that way, Duskford. I would be cool with it as long as you stated from the start that the MC likes all the three girls.
But he has a crush.
And there is the thing of the Douche.
Why putting a charater like that? You know it's purpose, come on...


Imho if you want a more "relaxed" plot you have to raise quickly the temperature and start an orgy.
The MC gets caught in it, and overlooks what the Crush does with the others. All have their fun. There are no douche, no best friend, no crush. The roles, melt in the heat.

At the end of the game you can match the couple based on sexual the affinities that emerged.
Maybe the MC finds that naughty slut is what he really wants.
Or falls in love with his friend, now the he sees her as a woman.

With this i don't mean that the MC can wind up only with the Crush. I mean that every story ending with him and another girl needs a "cuck" (i hate the term) moment.
In that moment he will look around, an maybe find love where he didn't expect.
 
I didn't express myself well, I didn't mean it to sound like a dating game. I meant it from a writer point of view. It's way easier to write a straightforward story where the MC gets together with the crush or even the best friend than one with the supposed slut if you really want to go deep with her character and why she's like that or playing the "false reputation" angle. Although, this is me giving a personality, quirks and nuances to the characters, since I've always seen the crush as a very uninteresting and one-dimensional character; the supposed slut, on the other hand, I've always seen her as the most interesting character, you can work a lot of angles with her and she's usually the one who makes things happen as well. You don't need a cuck moment for him to look elsewhere, when I wrote for this story, I always made him lose interest on the crush early when he noticed how much more interesting the best friend or the slut could be. The douche only is a problem if the author wants him to be, the main girl can always be immune to his rude flirting.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, though. The original author was very vague on the opening thread, I feel you can take the story everywhere you want provided you stay true to what you/other author already wrote on the same chain of threads. Anyways, that's why I created At the Cabin shortly after I began writing for The Afterparty, I didn't want to keep readers and authors guessing the characters' personalities and having them being inconsistent from thread to thread.
 
Last edited:
duskford said:
I wouldn't worry too much about it, though. The original author was very vague on the opening thread, I feel you can take the story everywhere you want provided you stay true to what you/other author already wrote on the same chain of threads. Anyways, that's why I created At the Cabin shortly after I began writing for The Afterparty, I didn't want to keep readers and authors guessing the characters' personalities and having them being inconsistent from thread to thread.
Click to expand...

That's for sure ;)

I agree with the supposed slut to be a nice character to explore. If you want write something with a bit of depth, you would want to scratch that label off and see what's under it. But i feel the same with the crush. From the start i tried to give her something more.
A wild side.
A dark side, not just good for those plot lines where she falls prey of the douche.
But it's tricky to do so, because the story uses the MC point of view. And he is clearly blinded by his feelings.

And so her behaviour seems to come out of nowhere.
I don't know if i explained myself there :confused:
 
SeriousBrainDamage said:
That's for sure ;)

I agree with the supposed slut to be a nice character to explore. If you want write something with a bit of depth, you would want to scratch that label off and see what's under it. But i feel the same with the crush. From the start i tried to give her something more.
A wild side.
A dark side, not just good for those plot lines where she falls prey of the douche.
But it's tricky to do so, because the story uses the MC point of view. And he is clearly blinded by his feelings.

And so her behaviour seems to come out of nowhere.
I don't know if i explained myself there :confused:
Click to expand...

Yeah, he sees her as the goddess who can do no wrong, so he feels shocked if she reveals a wild/dark side, because the image he made of her in his head doesn't relate to the real her, if that's the path pursued by the author. I get a bit pissed when authors get flamed for doing this, as if the opening thread stated the crush is a virginal, innocent girl and that's how she's supposed to be portrayed for all eternity.
 
Personally i would like to see a story where the John ends up with Nicole and in which Nicole is more proactive. I previous threads i got the impression that Nicole didn't really get to developed to much, in detriment of Miranda and Sarah, and Nicole has generally been portrayed as shy or a pushover. It would be great to see her more confident, secure and proactive and deciding that she will try to get the John's attention and succeeding and the two of them ending up together. It would be interesting to see Nicole as somewhat of a closed nympho and/or "slut" in the sense that after she loses her virginity - maybe to John - and she ends up with John, they start to have kinky and wild sex. Just a thought.

The version in which the MC (John) ends up with Sarah is also great because it would be great to find out that Sarah's reputation of being a slut is just a false reputation, or like duskford said, she could be confident and initiate threeways between her, John and another character and be more into rough and kinky stuff. But she would need to be developed beyond her slut reputation.

Personally i would like to see the story where John ends up with Nicole first.
 
duskford said:
Yeah, he sees her as the goddess who can do no wrong, so he feels shocked if she reveals a wild/dark side, because the image he made of her in his head doesn't relate to the real her, if that's the path pursued by the author. I get a bit pissed when authors get flamed for doing this, as if the opening thread stated the crush is a virginal, innocent girl and that's how she's supposed to be portrayed for all eternity.
Click to expand...

Yeah, i noticed that.
All character, have by now, acquired a number of traits which are the sum of all the different threads and plotlines. Even if those traits don't appear in their initial description.
If the author veers form that, the readers seem to remain surprised.

I must confess that i had planned a line where the douche get explored as well ( no pun intended).

Arminius said:
Personally i would like to see a story where the John ends up with Nicole and in which Nicole is more proactive. I previous threads i got the impression that Nicole didn't really get to developed to much, in detriment of Miranda and Sarah, and Nicole has generally been portrayed as shy or a pushover. It would be great to see her more confident, secure and proactive and deciding that she will try to get the John's attention and succeeding and the two of them ending up together. It would be interesting to see Nicole as somewhat of a closed nympho and/or "slut" in the sense that after she loses her virginity - maybe to John - and she ends up with John, they start to have kinky and wild sex. Just a thought.
Click to expand...

Yeah, i agree. The friend always ends up as the innocent/naive. But i think it's a needed role, someone has to fulfill it. To be honest i find the friend the less interesting character, so she ends up as comic relief or simply a fluffer.
I would gladly write a line where she's more the center of the story, if i had the time to do it, though. :rolleyes:
 
Just wanted to jump in here and say I have really enjoyed your work on this story SBD. I enjoy this story the most when there is tension between the main character and someone else over the crush (either the jerk or the best friend) regardless of who she ends up with.

My storyline that I added was done because someone asked me to write a story where he gets the girl, so I did. though I did enjoy writing it
 
henrytemp said:
Just wanted to jump in here and say I have really enjoyed your work on this story SBD. I enjoy this story the most when there is tension between the main character and someone else over the crush (either the jerk or the best friend) regardless of who she ends up with.

My storyline that I added was done because someone asked me to write a story where he gets the girl, so I did. though I did enjoy writing it
Click to expand...

Thank you.
I must say that before making an account here, i used to read more.
I'm sure to have read and liked some of your stuff. Plenty of duskford too.
Now i come by just to publish :oops:.
But i've read your last one. Reenacting the closet scene with the MC was a really interesting idea.

Even if the story bulids tension between the MC and his rival, it's only fair that MC wins sometimes ;)
 
duskford said:
Regarding the best friend (Nicole), I usually find it funny when the MC starts noticing her by witnessing her do stuff with the other two guys and decides to go after her. Getting his wish or not, it's fun either way.
Click to expand...

True. Up until then he only sees her as a bestfriend/sister, but when she has to do stuff with the other guys he sees her as being an attractive girl and wonders why he never tried to do anything with her.
 
DarkFriday1408 said:
True. Up until then he only sees her as a bestfriend/sister, but when she has to do stuff with the other guys he sees her as being an attractive girl and wonders why he never tried to do anything with her.
Click to expand...

duskford said:
Regarding the best friend (Nicole), I usually find it funny when the MC starts noticing her by witnessing her do stuff with the other two guys and decides to go after her. Getting his wish or not, it's fun either way.
Click to expand...


And that's when the suspension of disbelief kicks in.
Obviously all three girls are supposed to be really attractive, so it's only a matter of time before the MC starts to lust after all of them. Even his best friend, wich he never looked in that way.
Why?
I mean she's attractive, they get along well...
That's why the friend remains last in my preferences. All considered, something doesn't work out between the MC and her, if they didn't already do something before.
They should have a past story or something for it to work out, imho.

Taking that the story is narrated form MC prospective i find more logic that the friend is the one having the hots for MC.

I think in reality it would be a bit more complex, anyway.
I can't relate to personal experience specifically, but i think even brother/sisters growing together have a moment when "those thoughts" courses through their brains.
Given that they should be at least attractive.
So saying that you never saw you beautiful best friend as an actual girl is a bit difficult to belive.

I'll proably insert some references like that when talking about her. Something like that even before he found himself watching her ass now and then.
 
Last edited:
Yeah, I guess it became that way for Nicole because of a supposed need to have a "taboo girl" among the three girls. Since there aren't any couples or siblings, the childhood friend gets that label.

But it's fun too when it's mentioned that the MC already had "those thoughts" about her once or twice. I don't remember now if it was you, SeriousBrainDamage, who recently wrote a thread where Nicole had to deepthroat Tom and MC recalled some incidents where she teased him with hot dogs, I thought it was a fun background fact.

Of course, in the opening thread, the original author mentions that the MC finds Nicole attractive but never made a move because of his crush on Miranda and 'cause he's afraid of a potential move messing up their friendship.
 
Last edited:
duskford said:
Yeah, I guess it became that way for Nicole because of a supposed need to have a "taboo girl" among the three girls. Since there aren't any couples or siblings, the childhood friend gets that label.
.
Click to expand...
Yeah, that's what i meant. In fact i liked your idea to consolidate her role making her his sister in that restat.

duskford said:
But it's fun too when it's mentioned that the MC already had "those thoughts" about her once or twice. I don't remember now if it was you, SeriousBrainDamage, who recently wrote a thread where Nicole had to deepthroat Tom and MC recalled some incidents where she teased him with hot dogs, I thought it was a fun background fact.
.
Click to expand...

Yeah it was me ;)
In general i like to make references to past events. I find it a good way to develop character without getting too predictable.

duskford said:
Of course, in the opening thread, the original author mentions that the MC finds Nicole attractive but never made a move because of his crush on Miranda and 'cause he's afraid of a potential move messing up their friendship.
Click to expand...

I must admit, humbly, that i did forget about that :oops:
Quite some time as passed since the last time i read the introduction. I would have probably done better to lay out an introduction chapter like you did, to avoid leaving behind some inconsistet details.
 
Hey, I just wanted to say, that I really enjoy all of your chapters in The Afterparty, and I didn't want it to sound like I really hated the last chapter, in which Miranda gets, well, raped.
It wasn't bad written, and I got the intention of a bad ending. It was just shocking, because I didn't expect that, but I still think that it's important to that there are chapters like this, because not every chapter has to go the easiest way. Speaking for myself, I have to say, that I like the chapters where the jerk gets one of the girls, especially the crush or the best friend, but thats just because I think that the slut character is too easy to predict, I mean she's the slut and acts like one, so it's pretty clear what she will do if the jerk tries to get her. I just hope that you will keep adding chapters to this story, because they are really good stuff and very enjoyable :)
 
Sorry, got delayed by technical issues.

The first thing I want to let you know is that I am really sad by how the last chapter has been received. Even the previous one actually, as they are tied.
But non totally surprised.

https://chyoa.com/chapter/without-results.274773

(ed. I started to write at 4 thumbs down. Now i'm actually surprised :eek: )


The second one is, let me be very clear on this, is that i have the utmost respect for your right to dislike them.


So please, keep in mind these while i try to explain my point of view without being a cocky asshole.


I know it will be hard.
This will probably be a bit of a rant.
Useless as far i'm concerned.


@xgkf


You talk, as others did, about context and character.
But, I beg you pardon, you don't know either of those.
Because I write them.
This is not just an arrogant statement.
It's a matter of fact.


I'm actually pretty surprised by negative comments every time the story takes unforseen (to readers obviously) turns.


Sorry if I take my time, to actually try to not write the most obvious things, from time to time.


May i ask you if you work for the police? Have a degree in criminal psychology?
You really think you would spot a murderer, a rapist, a suicide bomber if you met one? If it was your friend? Your brother?


I know it will probably sounds rethoric, but if we could see the darkness dwelling inside the minds and hearts of men, the world would be probably better, and surely simpler place.


I don't want to flame you.


I see that the problem here lies within my view of MC.


Erroneously, i see him as a narrator more than a protagonist.
I don't immedesimate in him, nor i want you to.
He is just the point of view.
And a partial one.
He's not all seeing. He doesn't act always like you would like to.
He knows nothing.
Just like you.(no offense there)


More specifically:


-The MC remains in shock. I felt it like a believable reaction.
But I admit it gave me the possibility to show the act until it's late conclusion.
Without this artifice, the whole chapter would have been pointless, negating you the climax.

(ed. I came up with another solution, but just now. I could have made the MC go upstairs and bust in, just to spectate the epilogue. I feel that rewriting the chapter with that difference would be pointless, though.)

-The douche here, acts like a common normal person and he too finds it out of his own character at first.

(I thought about stressing the irony there, but i felt it would have been out of place.)

He does it's part in the rescue mainly because here he is more just an idiot, rather than the alpha male of other branches.


But, as it happens in reality, even if your tell yourself that if something like that happens ( i.e. a girl raped in front of you) , you would be ready to beat the shit out of the rapist, things go differently.
He just hasn't the the lucid, desperate determination of the bad guy on the run.
That's what usually happens when "good people " try to do the right thing and stop a criminal.



@asxdar



I think that usual readers of this story can find it out of place.

I don't completely understand why, since i remember a chapter where the girl friend gets abused and "spitroasted" if memory doesn't fail me.
And in another one i recall her being raped by the douche.
What's different here is that i didn't put the accent on the MC feelings. Drifting away from a cuck fantasy.


Anyway I suppose that those readers out there that would find this chapter actually palatable, probably won't bother to read this story.
But I'm thankful for not considering it before.
As i find the chapter, out of false modesty, well written and i'm pretty satisfied with it at the moment.
So no hate there.
Not for you.
And not for me, I hope.



@hanhan

I will probably write something like that. Here though, as i layed out the scene, there was no room for that. But there are other options i have i mind.;)


@Sfx

so hard to reply to you without flaming...
I write what I feel to, i'm not here to please you. If you like it too, than that's even better.


I may have forgotten something while waiting for my connection to work, but that's pretty much it.

Enjoy your reading.
 
Last edited:
SBD, you wrote a truly bad ending. Not a bad ending for the MC that people who enjoy cuckold/humiliation could enjoy, but a bad ending really only those into severe non-consent could enjoy. People can take that how they will, and really, personally not a scene I enjoyed (but not a scene i would want to enjoy, so whatever) But, you wrote it well. and moreso, the epilogue was very well written to explain how it all happened. I don't remember if you dropped clues in prior chapters that could lead to this, but if you didn't i suggest you go back and plant some seeds so this isn't completely shocking. (makes for better writing)

I don't have to love every scene you write, but I appreciate your contributions, so please don't let the neg feedback get you down.
 
henrytemp said:
SBD, you wrote a truly bad ending. Not a bad ending for the MC that people who enjoy cuckold/humiliation could enjoy, but a bad ending really only those into severe non-consent could enjoy. People can take that how they will, and really, personally not a scene I enjoyed (but not a scene i would want to enjoy, so whatever) But, you wrote it well. and moreso, the epilogue was very well written to explain how it all happened. I don't remember if you dropped clues in prior chapters that could lead to this, but if you didn't i suggest you go back and plant some seeds so this isn't completely shocking. (makes for better writing)

I don't have to love every scene you write, but I appreciate your contributions, so please don't let the neg feedback get you down.
Click to expand...

Thank you for taking the time to write this down.

I'm not completely satified with the epilogue chapter, but i felt it was needed.
Even if i knew it would have brought only more negative feedback.

I don't want to sound childish, but i will take some days off probably.
I don't think i'll stop writing, but right now i'm not in the mood.

Moreover, at the moment i don't feel objective enough to read and analyze the feedback i recived correctly.
I didn't drop clues for this, i'll think about that.

Happy Halloween.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top