At the Cabin

Discussion in 'Story Feedback' started by johnhoftb, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. Patzo

    Patzo Really Experienced

    Definitely. I don't mean to take away from anyone else's writing. My thought was that your main threads, the orgy threads, and the erotophilia have probably been discussed here on the forums in the greatest detail.

    For now, let's say that Shawn picked someone he suspected would feel pressured to pick dare, and he wasn't disappointed. And that's spot on, except Dr. Jefferson will have actually appeared in the flesh! ;)
     
    Duskford likes this.
  2. Patzo

    Patzo Really Experienced

    Forgive the double-post, but it's done. Next orgy thread is posted. It's a more blatantly, shamelessly sexual dare than we've done so far. I hope it doesn't read as too much of a stretch.
     
    Duskford likes this.
  3. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    It was great, maybe it did came across as shocking to the other characters, but we know what goes on in Chloe's head, so for us it isn't a stretch.

    Also regarding the orgy threads, I was thinking, should we make a post here with an inventory of what everyone's wearing and what was removed so we don't lose ourselves when writing the submissions? I'm going to write one anyway for that purpose, but if you guys want, I can post it here and update whenever a character lose a piece of clothing.
     
    Patzo and Zingiber like this.
  4. Patzo

    Patzo Really Experienced

    Appreciated, duskford. I was hoping the reader could see how she was able to broach her inhibitions even while the other characters were freaking out. I went back and forth on how much big sister-ing Taylor should do, but in the end it got in the way.

    Yes please! A clothing continuity post would be a big help.
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2015
    Duskford likes this.
  5. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Alright, I've put together a list. I'll update this post whenever a character loses a piece of clothing during the truth or dare game.


    Zack: dark blue shirt, jeans, boxers, socks, shoes.

    Gavin: shirt, jeans, boxers, socks, shoes.

    Brandon: shirt, jeans, boxers, socks, shoes.

    Kurt: shirt, jeans, boxers, socks, shoes.

    Peter: shirt, jeans, boxers, socks, shoes.

    Dustin: shirt, jeans, boxers, socks, shoes.

    Shawn: shirt, jeans, boxers, socks, shoes.

    Heather: white dress, black lace panties, pair of black stilettos heels.

    Victoria: green sleeveless blouse, tight jeans (removed), dark green bra, dark green panties, green stiletto heels.

    Chloe: red short-sleeved blouse (removed), black knee-length skirt, black lace bra, black lace panties, black heels.

    Ashley: strapless navy blue dress, dark blue panties, blue heels.

    Taylor: black shirt, jeans, black lace bra, black lace panties, black heels.

    Hannah: red shirt, jean shorts, red bra, red panties, red tennis shoes.

    Lisa: lavender blouse, black skirt, purple bra, purple panties, pair of flats.

    Kendra: cream-colored dress, white lace bra, white lace panties, brown high-heeled boots.

    Jennifer: beige shirt, brown tie (removed), brown pants, black sports bra, brown panties, black boots.
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2015
    Patzo and Yarkoz like this.
  6. johnhoftb

    johnhoftb Experienced

    duskford's thread on everyone's clothes reminded me of something I've been thinking of. I really do think Chloe likes wearing thongs. Not in everyday situations, but mainly for sports and special occasions. I could easily see Megan "convincing" Chloe to try out wearing a thong to help with movement on the field and Chloe deciding to wear them more often.

    On Chloe's dark side, I think Chloe has few sets of lingerie hidden in her closet which she wears when no one is looking. Maybe purchased with some spare allowance or money gained from side jobs?

    Another thing, how busty is Holly and the Chloe and Holly's mom?

    Finally, something that has been bugging me since it was revealed Madison was not just created for the AU, what exactly is she doing and why didn't she come along with? And why isn't she a twin just like in the AU?
     
    Yarkoz, Patzo and Duskford like this.
  7. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    You're probably right about Chloe on that matter, johnhoftb. When playing, she definitely wears it, and giving her "dark side", she probably does enjoy to wear something a little "naughtier" just to feel that way.

    Chloe took after her mom in that department, something that annoys Holly because she has smaller breasts. She does have a curvier butt, though.

    As for Madison, she was originally created for the main timeline, but she'll be eighteen a few weeks after the trip, so her parents didn't allow her to join her brother and friends (and since we wouldn't be able to include her in sex scenes, it was pointless to add her just for the sake of being there). With that you can guess Brandon and Madison are just another type of twins, given they were born with just eleven months between them. For the AU I've made them regular twins just so that Madison could be in the story and appear in sex scenes.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2015
    Yarkoz likes this.
  8. Yarkoz

    Yarkoz Really Really Experienced

    Update here: I'll post my orgy contribution tomorrow after school. Busy Tuesdays are busy.
     
    Duskford and Zingiber like this.
  9. Cretan_Bull14

    Cretan_Bull14 Really Experienced

    Hey all. I'm about 60% finished with my hot tub scene and about 75% on my Zack/Heather thread. Been working on them for a week now, but just can't seem to finish them the way each deserves. So to take my mind off of those threads, I started another AU for the orgy. I've got Taylor and Zack sharing a dance. It won't be a brother/sister thing, but it will be pretty intense.
     
    Patzo, Duskford, Yarkoz and 1 other person like this.
  10. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    I know the feeling, sometimes a scene keeps me occupied for a week or even more. Your new AU is great as well, will it be a Zack/Hannah story or that's just what's happening now?
     
  11. Yarkoz

    Yarkoz Really Really Experienced

    Man, the orgy thread has more turning points than the Marvel/DC universes. I love it!

    I do have plenty of things to reply to here, but it is done -- http://chyoa.com/story/at-the-cabin/thread/jennifer-again-at-hannah-s-encouragement -- I keep looking at it, thinking it should be amended somehow, but I don't know exactly what, so here's some thoughts.

    I know we've said that she probably plays hard, and couching that into the dual model of sexual response Patzo mentioned some time ago, I figured that Jennifer actually has some control over her brakes. When she works, that's it, regardless of whether her accelerator is running or not. When she lets her hair down though, she takes her foot off the pedal and lets the engine run. This fits into my belief that she's more stoic and therefore has more of an understanding of her sexuality, and she's had more time to experience things anyway. Her story is a modified version of my outlined storyline in "Tales of Silver Lake," and that she's fine with it, even though initially it was very weird having a threesome with her ex-boyfriend and his wife. That was a pretty strong brake, but she discovered it tapped her accelerator too. Generally though, I wanted to have Jennifer loosen a bit more like her now discarded tie, or really to have her not hitting her brakes every so often (the fantasy with Kurt she regretted, her ambivalent reaction to Chloe's session with Shawn). I like to think she's now more included in the gang than thinking she needs to be a parental figure.

    Still though, thoughts?
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2015
    Patzo and Duskford like this.
  12. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    LOL, it certainly has! Probably because this is one the points where the story allows for lots of different branches and paths. Every pairing can start with just a dance scene and get developed from there.

    About Jennifer, that's how I see her as well, the stoic woman who knows the time to have fun. I think the initial issue for her at the party is that all the other players are kids in her eyes, and that makes her think she has to stop them from going too much crazy. However, like you've said, she'll probably feel more at ease now that she spent some time with them.
     
    Yarkoz and Patzo like this.
  13. Patzo

    Patzo Really Experienced

    It is an ideal setup for anyone who wants to jump in and have their favorite characters just go at it, but since the entire Marvel universe is getting a reboot in the fall anyway, I'm not sure what the big deal with Battleworld was in the first place? Oh, we're talking about the orgy threads! My mistake.

    (Oh my God, you guys. An athletic dark-haired rich smartass teenage girl frustrated with her male counterpart? Oh my God.)

    Yarkoz, your explanation makes sense to me. Where stress has the greatest effect on Chloe's brakes, work does the trick for Jennifer. She's passionate about her job and wants to do it well and can't afford to spend the day on her back. Once the uniform does come off... I think you made a good point, between the story about Emmanuel and the tie, that Jennifer's experience is commensurate with her age: she's not used to "children" being so blatant about sex, but now she's over it, and it's their turn to be surprised as she starts playing along.

    Although, in fairness, I imagine Jennifer wasn't the only one grossed out by Chloe and Shawn going at it. As much of a step forward as it was for Chloe, it must've been awkward for everyone who had to watch them slobber on each other.
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2015
    Zingiber, Duskford and Yarkoz like this.
  14. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Wow, I wasn't aware that Zack and Taylor had a relative on the Marvel universe, an Avenger no less!

    Spot on Patzo, like I've said when I commented on that thread, maybe it came across as shocking to the other characters. And we've had two of those so far, despite Chloe's near nakedness, the one with Brandon and Victoria probably was even more awkward due to the other attachments both of them carry.
     
    Yarkoz and Patzo like this.
  15. Yarkoz

    Yarkoz Really Really Experienced

    I... like to think that actually Zack or Taylor in a parallel universe, because... damn. Damn son!

    Precisely, and the more I delve into the book, the more that makes sense. Though you can't control your set level of excitation or inhibition when it comes to sex, you can definitely alter what starts or stops the engine. And that's Jennifer, acutely aware of her sexuality. Interestingly enough, so is Hannah, though she's more brash and callous. She still needs to refines those traits, but that'll come with experience and wisdom. Jennifer could teach her quite a bit in a way.

    Point taken on both accounts. The game apparently reveals a lot about everyone, whether they initially knew that about themselves (Chloe) or not (Victoria).
     
    Duskford likes this.
  16. Patzo

    Patzo Really Experienced

    Shit, I wasn't even thinking about the name! Personality-wise, Kate strikes me more like Heather in her smartassness, but hey! Comicbooks love those big reveals with long-lost family members. Also, Kate's talking a big game right there. It'd be more honest to say, "Sometimes I fight crime, mostly I just hang out with an Avenger."

    (One more for Yarkoz, since her signature jumpsuit looks especially snug here.)

    I think Hannah's also got the most sensitive excitor system, seeing as she pretty much never turns off. She just can't help herself. Jennifer can get herself in the zone and work herself up for a sexy situation. And that's a rare thought indeed, Hannah having to be taught how to behave in bed. By an older woman no less...

    That's gonna come up in the thread I'm working on. People are practically volunteering each other's secrets at this point.
     
    Duskford, Yarkoz and Zingiber like this.
  17. Yarkoz

    Yarkoz Really Really Experienced

    Ha! Duskford shares a hive mind with someone at Marvel Comics! Hey, it's all good. I have a fetish for strong, independent women who forge their own path in life. I... I think I'm a feminist for all the wrong reasons sometimes :(

    Yep, yep all the wrong reasons!

    Now that's something indeed, I don't know why my mind didn't think of that initially. Maybe Hannah can soften the blow for Jennifer at first, but then Jennifer gets tired of Hannah being too impish for her tastes and shows her how to slow down... :D

    And that I can't wait to see!
     
    Patzo and Duskford like this.
  18. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Reached a personal milestone on my main thread today. The sex scene between Zack and Hannah on the pool table was amongst the first ones I had imagined when creating the story. I think I'm satisfied with it, my description of sex scenes isn't too great, so I've decided to give a bigger focus on their feelings about what was happening. I hope everyone likes it.
     
  19. Cretan_Bull14

    Cretan_Bull14 Really Experienced

    I love everybody's responses to the threads I posted yesterday. I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction. Some of the comments you all made are pure gold. Thanks all!
     
    Duskford, Patzo and Yarkoz like this.
  20. Patzo

    Patzo Really Experienced

    Gonna be honest with you, Cretan_Bull. Whatever I was expecting, Heather Raptors jumping Hannah was not it. Everyone shouting and scratching and HOLD ME BACK BRO-ing was hilariously fun and much better than what I'd been expecting. Heather getting thrown in the shower like a bad cat was a definite highlight. Kudos!

    ...I may or may not have run with duskford's idea and written up a bracket for the First Annual Silver Lake Ultimate Surrender Championship, aka The Thunderbone.
     
    Duskford and Yarkoz like this.