Describe your story in the worst possible way!

K5Rakitan

K5Rakitan

Virgin
I've seen threads like this on other platforms, so I thought I'd have some fun with it over here. Your goal is to tell people how awful your story is and dissuade them from reading it.

Rule number 1: Only say bad things about your own story.
Rule number 2: See rule number one.

I'll start!

Kaiba's Prostitute is pure wish fulfillment garbage written by some bimbo with a brother fetish. The protagonist is a slut who jumps into bed with a deranged billionaire who propositions her only because he's frustrated that his brother wouldn't let him fire anybody when he rampaged through the office of their side venture.

https://chyoa.com/story/Kaiba's-Prostitute.24034
 
K5Rakitan said:
Kaiba's Prostitute is pure wish fulfillment garbage written by some bimbo with a brother fetish. The protagonist is a slut who jumps into bed with a deranged billionaire who propositions her only because he's frustrated that his brother wouldn't let him fire anybody when he rampaged through the office of their side venture.

https://chyoa.com/story/Kaiba's-Prostitute.24034
Click to expand...
Sounds good enough to me.

The Lord's Companion is a bland and pretentious sack of cliche crap. Some prudish elven bitch goes and lives with the Lord of Humans, who's such a cowardly simp, he doesn't even bend her over and fuck her straight away. All of the characters are total dumbasses who use over the top fancy language and can't even take a short trip without majorly fucking everything up.
 
I have no idea why brevdravis or anyone else, wanted to make this story into a CHYOA, and close examination of the game itself is no help. "A Special Hell" is one of the most pathetic, pretentious, preachy, cloying experiences I've had playing a Choose Your Own Adventure. To call it pornographic would be inaccurate; it has an ambition to be pornographic, but fails horrendously.

The Game stars Brent, who is a Terrible Character. Here he is stuck in a story that no character, however boring, however generic should be punished with. He plays a happily married man, who for no reason whatsoever, decides to obsess over a clearly unavailable woman, and rapes her.

This idea is deeply flawed. Lesbians do not sleep with guys and certainly not on the evidence provided here, where the great seduction technique seems to be talking about bad movies. The lesbian characters Charlotte and Helen have provided Brent with what looks like a million dollar fantasy, set in a picturesque Big Sur Location. And, yes, I know that is supposed to be a fantasy, but the Firefly jokes are only the first of several truly awful episodes in this game.

Brent goes on honeymoon, where the wife is Kaila, proving without the slightest shadow of a doubt that she should never, ever appear again in public with any material even vaguely inspired by James Cameron. The women are of course secret goddessess, and since Brent is such an all-star overachiever, offers pour in from would-be impregnation victims all over the story resulting in a wish fulfillment fantasy that is completely pathetic.

What is the point of the scenes with these victimized women? (The raped women range from all over the Greek Pantheon and look positively Embarrassed to be here.) They are all seen as broad, desperate comic caricatures. They are not funny. They are not touching. There is no truth in them. They don't even work as parodies. There is an idiocy here that seems almost intentional, as if the game creator plotted to leave anything of interest or entertainment value out of these episodes.

All through the story, Brevdravis' obsession with mythology keeps showing up. New gal? Well this gal looks familiar. And so she is. All of the manifestations are played by Eris, Goddess of Chaos, who is not funny, or helpful, in any of them.

I hated this story. Hated hated hated hated hated this story. Hated it. Hated every stupid pathetic boring click and appeal for money that it provided. Hated the ego that was so full of himself that he thought anybody would enjoy this. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would actually be fooled by this and wouldn't see the plot a Million miles away.

I hold it as an item of faith that brevdravis is a acceptable writer; among his credits are "Quiet Streets" "Book Of Magic" "Neighbors Next Door" "Choices We Make" I list those titles so you know what you should go read instead.

"A Special Hell" is a bad story - one of the worst games ever made. But it is not by a bad writer, and must represent some sort of lapse from which Brevdravis will recover - possibly sooner than I will.

Edit: Forgot the theme song:
 
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This is also fun. I'll take a shot!

Lust for the Golden Witch follows the role of an original character who inserts himself into a deeply intricate murder mystery laced with intrigue and romance for the purpose of fucking each of the female characters. As H.I. Player, you'll die again and again in joke endings that are amusing only to the author and his brother, in pursuit of sex scenes that skew strongly towards some kind of spanking fetish. There is a scene where Ange has sex with Ghoda. Avoid at all costs!

Kami Kurabe follows you, a lazy god, and an angry priestess who hates you before ever meeting you. Enjoy your first battle, against a character described as "fat and smelly" who can be fucked in a later optional scene, then move on to a variety of opponents whom your stats may not have prepared you for, resulting in defeat after humiliating defeat, so much so that you just end up taking the all defeat route. If you instead wish to achieve victory, revel in your rich reward of sexual scenes where your priestess doesn't quite let you inside her. Updated at a brisk pace of once a month after you've well forgotten about what's happening.

Nuns vs. Knights! Step into a world of characters generated by a mixture of fantasy fetishes and the author going, "hmmm, if I jumble these letters together I get a name that doesn't exist yet." Follow the stories of amazingly always-willing and never violated girls as they stumble between the unlikely sexual scenarios presented all over town, encountering knife wielding thieves no less than three times and somehow never ending up injured by them. It's a story that will have you questioning your own faith in god, as well as mispelling it "Geod" on a regular basis!
 
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https://chyoa.com/story/Adventurer's-Perils.21854
I will take my part too. Not too hard because I already know lot of errors in that story.
Adventurer's Perils is a story with weak sex scenes, tragic gramar and English vocabulary what making your eyes bleeding from all mistakes and side steps. Characters are classic DnD party of girls and one guy, with lame harem and any bad ending for heroiness. Writen by few writers in the same time, make it hard to understand for someone who read more than three erotic books in his life time.
In that story, you will see goblins, pixels, sceletons and trolls, for girls waiting ewents like naked in public, bondage in cave, gang Bang and much more shit for horny teenagers.
 
In Lois Lane's Night Out, the Daily Planet's Greatest Reporter can't keep her legs closed or mouth off of any cunt, cock, or vaguely phallic object that the increasingly demented author can introduce. Better hope quantity is a quality of its own, folks, because this story isn't ending any time soon and the writer is running out of adjectives and indulging in increasingly more bizarre fetishes. What started out as a rather vanilla tale of futanari demons knocking stupid reporters up now includes incest, possession, several chapters devoted entirely to piss drinking, impossible insertions, kryptonite transformations, and several rather graphic piercing scenes. Plus, whenver the writer gets bored, they seem to throw in another lesbian.
 
This thread is fun, Love the ways we can come up with amazing stories and then 1 Line them in the most sexual way imaginable.
My latest story: Never Bested, Always the Best is a 1st Person POV power trip where you are Goro form Mortal Kombat beating and then subjugating the lovely ladies of the franchise over the course of the timeline. It's pure solo glorification of yourself as the character, being the best at fighting and fucking, possibly at the same time. Everything is meant o fall before your 13+ superhuman cock and four arms.
 
Oh, this is fun. I would like to have my turn. Whore of the dragon is the masturbatory dumpster of some edgy foreign weirdo who played too many D&D and warhammer toys. I think he is Mexican of something. The protagonist is a bitch, the antagonist is a bitch, and almost everyone and everything is a bitch and an asshole. I guess is a power fantasy, I think it tries to, but oh my god he is into some weird shit. I guess you would like it if you think that growing a cock is a valid substitute for character development. 0/10. 40 chapters deep and still no actual dragons.
 
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[[Eh, okay, seems amusing, I'll take a pot-shot at myself.]]

CHYOA.COM Daily Herald: "When News Breaks, We Give You The Pieces."
Author: "Gabby Gums"
Editor: "Susie Samatar"

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND THOUGHT "INSIDE THE GAME" WAS WORTHY OF "STORY OF THE WEEK"?

I've read this story cover to cover multiple times, and all I can say is; "The Fuck?"

Nemo of Utopia, that pathetically self-important and undeservedly opinionated sad-sack who catapulted himself to as close to the top of the "notable author's" section as he could get via deliberate questing after every possible award that he could wrap his grubby little claws around when the new award system was rolled out, (even going so far as to BUY his way into first place by subbing to the patreon within hours of its being launched to grab the 'generous' tag, an act that was nothing of the kind), has created a pathetic pile of bilious horse shit that would not be fit to wipe your ass with for fear of contracting VD in his latest-and-greatest story, "Inside the Game". While he's been up to his typical practices of altering the location in which his story displays in search rankings by modding the title with unnecessary and superfluous ASCII characters that type of chicanery is child's play compared to some of the other crap this pathetic waste of skin pulls on a regular basis and is FAR from the limits of this festering infected waste dump of a story's sins.

Let us begin at the beginning, or rather, DON'T. The first 3-5 chapters of any branch of this story will contain nothing of substance, and assuredly none of the hot and licentious action for which our good site is known and frequented, merely the author's deliberately cryptic musings on the subject of, good gods, video game genres! If you have the misfortune to be stupid and emotionally damaged enough to keep going I regret to inform you that it does, actually, manage to get somewhat better, but that is possibly a misstatement on my part, because you should prepare for disappointment. Of the 10-12 published storylines that received any significant development at all, only four or so have at all memorable sex-scenes, one of which is the main story, a 75 chapter deep slog of badly mangling a single turn of the game Civilization 2 into a cheap and uninteresting sex-fest about polyamory and the daily life affairs of a petty dictator without even a tinpot to piss in who supposedly will, in theory, manage to advance the Aztecs to a world-spanning super-power, if he ever manages to get over the impulse to fuck his royal council like its some kind of bloody checklist. The characters are vapid, the pacing indifferent, the description; Ok, I do have to admit that there are small moments of truly amusing or arousing descriptive text to be found, but they drown in a sea of floridly overwrought purple prose and long-winded digressions about the world and its people that just, to be honest, are irrelevant to the plot.

That one-and-only storyline which has more than 26 chapters of depth as of this writing plunges long and straight with hardly any side branches into the depths of obscurity on matters so picayune and mundane that I cannot even begin to express how truly mind-numbing it was to read, and the rest of the story is little better. With this 'Slice of Life' attitude that makes what should have been exciting and interesting video-game based content painfully embarrassing to try to keep going with when, in truth, this should have been a tour-de-force of callbacks to epic videogames both old and new, the story stumbles artlessly in a disjointed, (but, I'll grant, heartfelt); attempt to fulfill on its initial promise that never really seems to quite materialize on the transporter platform when beamed onto the page from the imagination of the writer.

AND YET: against all odds and sanity, this hot-mess-wreck of a story somehow managed to win Story of the Week? I guess Stalin was right about one thing: "Quantity has a Quality all its own"...
 
https://chyoa.com/story/The-Bimbo-Virus.21681 is just another bimbo virus story because the author is a uncreative twat.

https://chyoa.com/story/Real-Waifus-Bang-You-CYOA.25075 Made by the same author is also a uncreative mess that stars another redheaded futa inserted into the RWBY world and oh look they attend Beacon. Not to mention that the very concept is based on an already made CYOA. Don't even get me started that the story is supposed to be public yet the introduction already begins the MC story.
 
The Infernal Machine is an incestuous cesspool of amateurish literary wankery masquerading as erotica. The title is a metatextual reference to one of many (too many) pretentious and unnecessary adaptations of a greek myth infamous for its moronic cardboard cut-out characters and use within an (arguably) outdated doctrine of psychology. Its base premise is a vain attempt to subvert an egregiously over-used trope on this platform by reversing the inherent power dynamic. But rather than truly explore the consequence of this hypothetical switch, the author immediately swerves and drags their narrative away from realism in order to justify a rapid succession of painfully unremarkable sex scenes whose only singularity lies in the aforementioned cheap and wasted gimmick which is the root of this "story".

The setting is a messy, transparent and clumsy workhop of half-formed ideas, with lore built from the perverted skeletal ruins of almost completely forgotten (perhaps rightly so) pionneer space-opera novels and BBC radio serials from the 1950s and earlier. The specific geographical location that the narrative occupies is itself subject of a pathetic song and dance as the author keeps trying to find more and more convoluted ways to never openly mention it by name, while directly naming all the other locations that any mind however feeble could use to deduce the 'big' secret.

The characters are pale reflections and cartoonish caricatures of the author's own disjointed personality, revealing for all to see their near total lack of contact with other humans but those most unavoidably close.

If you know what's good for you, "Sauve qui peut!" Run like the Devil be tailing you from this verbal vomit-stream of wildly inconsistent and to-the-core clueless drivel.
 
Do lines like

"Ben barfed all over my feet."


“See? The only reason you wouldn't wet your willy is because we are in fact related!"

and

"It took around five seconds until I heard the very distinct mating cry of an Aptenodytes patagonicus emanate from the next room"

sexually stimulate you?


Then please go see a therapist
 
I like this idea, reminds me of this synopsis:

354.jpg


One of these days I'll actually publish something so I can genuinely participate in this thread of self deprecation.
 
Edit: It was when I was halfway done did I realize that this isn't really me describing my stories, but my inner critic being allowed to be more vocal. Apologies.

Self-deprecation? That' my specialty!

Red Alert 3:

This is what you consider your proudest work, Ryan? Your introuction can be bested by a ten year old, and not only that, but the most amount of paragraphs there are in the intro is only five!

And if the intro itself was bad, how about the chapters? My goodness, your chapters are clearly the worst ones here. You had people cheering you on, giving you compliments the moment you first started, and you've left them disappointed with simple unexciting stories of fucking the hot secretary or the hot sniper lady while everything else is left to the viewer. Jiminy man, can't you pull your own weight? Why do you have to be a social parasite like always?

Everyone Once in Paris:

Getting free advertisement, are we Ryan? Your story failed in HF and now you want to bring it in CHYOA? Oh, but that's not even the best part. All you have to do is to copy paste the whole story bit-by-bit and separate them into chapters, and you can't even do that!

It's not the whole world's fault that you have a crush on this one video game character but yours and yours alone. That's the truth and nothing but.

The Burning of Prosperia:

Unoriginal concept, borderline plagiarism from the name, and you haven't even finished one single arc. For someone who's been excited and planned the costumes/immersion beforehand, you've left this story to rot like a dumpster baby. It's not 1939 anymore dumbass! Pull your own weight and take care of that kid.

Travel Back in Time and accidentally fuck your mother:

You can't just take what NextGenGamer did and make a title out like that. Not only did you make an unoriginal title, but you also made an unoriginal story!

Marty McFly gets fucked by his own mother, didn't you steal that from somewhere in the forums? And look at the amount of paragraphs there are in the chapters. How did you even get this amount of likes on you? How did you even get people to comment on your story?

Time and time again, you've let everyone down. The readers, your family, your friends and this isn't an exception - Hell, it's an example come to think of it.
 
The author promises By All Means is a dark revenge story, but so far it is more like a Mary Sue harem story. It’s impossible to know yet when the “dark” or “revenge” is going to happen because the side characters take up the most chapters, the author is afraid to do the bad things to his characters, and he takes months to update, shaking the confidence of the story’s fans.
 
Such an interesting thread. Haven't been an author for long but here goes:

Merfolk Diaries is an overambitious and pretentious floating turd the author shat out for relaxation purposes. The narrative is inconsistent and most of the chapters are a mix of fiction and "fun" facts plagiarised from the internet about fish none of the readers are EVER going to read.

What's more, The author's clearly not putting much effort in their writing, every new chapter is rife with spelling mistakes and incomprehensible spellchecker typos which are strategically placed to turn the readers off.

To even get started on the story line the reader has to get through a battery of chapters to inevitably establish the MC as a horny mermaid who can't even be bent over cause their fish-bits don't have that many holes!

This story will ever deserve its current following for the author is just randomly casting out plots in the unpublished section about shit they know nothing about.
 
https://chyoa.com/story/The-Life-of-Simone-Stewart.32381

The story starts very slow and the author seems in desperate need of a grammar course. The story just wanders around a bit with the author attempting to sound warm and witty but coming across as pretentious.

Perhaps she should hurry to the sex scenes because that's probably the only thing that can save this blather!

The last sentence is what I imagine most of the readers are thinking every time they finish a new chapter :p
 
Yumi's Destruction is probably created by someone with horrendous fetishes. The author tries to build up the story by creating a loving relationship between two sisters that end up being a cringe duo. The sex scenes are visually repulsive. Whoever wrote the story, she is definitely not going to heaven and deserves to be treated like the garbage she is just like her characters.
 
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