The Captive Prince

Haoro

Haoro

Really Really Experienced
Hi everyone! Just wanted to make a post asking for feedback on my story https://chyoa.com/story/The-Captive-Prince.27292. I'm very happy with the reception so far and how people had enjoyed my writing but any other thoughts are welcome! I'd especially like to hear how people feel about the different routes. If there's one they prefer or one they feel isn't quite up to scratch.

The other thing I wanted to ask is about how readers would feel about me adding another couple of pathways. It would mean slowing down progress slightly on the routes I already have but would create more variety. I've come up with a few ideas and I'd love to hear if people think they're a good/bad idea to include. Here's a list:

Gaius Valerian (maledom pathway) - this character has popped up mentioned as a kind of antagonist in several of the routes but he's not really going to show up in person otherwise. The story so far has been focused on femdom, so I was wondering if readers were interested in one where he's the new of owner of Marcus. It would feature bondage and maledom, where Gaius is this strong, manly guy who totally dominates the poor, girly Marcus.

Hespera the Arachne (monstergirl pathway) - Another idea I had where a predatory monstergirl kidnaps Marcus to use him as her breeding partner. This would feature several other species of monstergirls, like wolfgirls and snakegirls, and would include oviposition and futa.

Jana the Slaver (bondage route) - This would be a route where Marcus is dragged away and taken by a group of ruthless slavers to their training camp. It would feature him being trained to be a pleasure slave in a kind of school-like environment with others where he'll make friends and rivals and have to adapt to his new life. Eventually he will be auctioned off. Will feature lots of training and bondage.

Any thoughts welcome! Thanks!
 
So far the story's branches have all been enjoyable.

As for the three options you listed, male/male is not my thing, so I'll pass on Gaius. Jana the Slaver seems like ti might be interesting. And I am neutral on the monstergirl thing - it depends on how it is written and which monster girls are used.
 
I'd passed over this story a few times because I didn't think I'd be interested in domination of a sissy boy. Well, turns out I was wrong, because I'm loving this story! Looking forward to reading more later.

Personally, I like the idea of becoming a breeding partner for monster girls the best, but it's up to you. :p
 
male/male and futa are not my cup of tea. But i like the idea of Jana the Slaver (bondage route). Preferably with training including fucking, as the petplay branch seems to go more towards oral training ;). Anyway great work!
 
I'd like the Male/Trap Route. There's a difference between Traps and Sissy's I think, Traps are cute from the beginning and could make any piece of apparel into weapon of mass cuteness and more feminine than most girls. Sissys are more of a feminisation of a random Schmuck and the end result sometimes doesn't look very appealing.
 
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Finally got around to checking this out! Sorry I took so long to do so. Great job on the characters, great descriptions, and I'm really feeling the tension in a lot of the scenes. Kudos! Not usually my thing, but the writing is excellent and clearly a lot of thought and time has gone into this. It's always a joy to see somebody who enjoys their work as much as you clearly do, so... Thanks for being awesome and keep doing what yer doing! Heh... only thought that came to mind for me was that it might be fun to have a counter path where the prince gets to "Our Mrs. Reynolds" one of their abductors... If you've already done it... never mind. :P
 
brevdravis said:
it might be fun to have a counter path where the prince gets to "Our Mrs. Reynolds" one of their abductors... If you've already done it... never mind. :p
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Thanks brevdravis! Really appreciate the feedback. Not quite sure what this part means though. Is it a reference to something?
 
juggernorth said:
Thanks brevdravis! Really appreciate the feedback. Not quite sure what this part means though. Is it a reference to something?
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Sorry, yeah, it was a reference to a famous Firefly Episode where the crew takes on a "Helpless" woman. Everybody wants to be the person who DOESN'T take advantage of her, and as a result she runs rampant, seducing the captain, knocking out the pilot after an unsuccessful seduction, rewiring the ship to send it on a collision course, attempting to seduce the ships resident hottie, and almost succeeding, and then stealing one of the ships shuttles and escaping.

Fun little twist episode, and the helpless gal was played by Christina Hendricks
Aaaand yes, if you watch the video, you know where I get some of MY story ideas from
 
Yes, of course! In fact, I'm already planning to add another path soon that's based on a suggestion from one of my readers.
 
This might be a little rambling so please bear with me. The general idea of it would be a succubus that visits Marcus every night expecting to use him as a source of high quality food on account of his royal blood and virginity. Initially she would be fairly uncaring as she just rapes him to get what she wants and Marcus would be pretty terrified of her at first too. As Marcus inevitably warms up to her she starts grows fond of him in turn, potentially even eventually turning him into an incubus himself and then teaching him how to seduce men/women to secure his own food. It could definitely incorporate pegging/futa transformation to milk Marcus dry, but I think it would definitely have potential for edging and chastity as well as a way for her to increase the quality of his cum. All of this could take place within the castle giving us a sort of pre-invasion look at life in the kingdom for Marcus and his family. In particular i think the way Annabelle treats Marcus might be a driving force in getting the succubus to try and get him out of there/ transform him. Obviously don't feel bad if this isn't something you'd want to write you've already got so many other amazing story lines going on, but I just figured I could at least put the idea out there.
 
Gwixl said:
This might be a little rambling so please bear with me. The general idea of it would be a succubus that visits Marcus every night expecting to use him as a source of high quality food on account of his royal blood and virginity. Initially she would be fairly uncaring as she just rapes him to get what she wants and Marcus would be pretty terrified of her at first too. As Marcus inevitably warms up to her she starts grows fond of him in turn, potentially even eventually turning him into an incubus himself and then teaching him how to seduce men/women to secure his own food. It could definitely incorporate pegging/futa transformation to milk Marcus dry, but I think it would definitely have potential for edging and chastity as well as a way for her to increase the quality of his cum. All of this could take place within the castle giving us a sort of pre-invasion look at life in the kingdom for Marcus and his family. In particular i think the way Annabelle treats Marcus might be a driving force in getting the succubus to try and get him out of there/ transform him. Obviously don't feel bad if this isn't something you'd want to write you've already got so many other amazing story lines going on, but I just figured I could at least put the idea out there.
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This does sound interesting. I really like the concept of Marcus being terrified of this succubus, knowing she's coming to visit him again every night, but with no way to stop it or tell anyone what's going on. I think I'd probably have her curse him so he couldn't speak about her or something to add to his fear and isolation. And of course her harvesting his cum, edging and denying him, then milking him dry however she can is just something I'd very much enjoy writing. I also think there's a lot of potential in your idea of taking a closer look at Marcus' family life had things continued normally without an invasion. I've tried to imply in various different routes how strong an impact his Mother's overprotectiveness has had on his meek, submissive personality and it might be nice to demonstrate that more directly by showing just how she treats him in normal life as opposed to just having him think about it.

I've had a think about how to slot it in because it would be different to the other routes, and I could write the initial invasion in the introduction as a nightmare the succubus uses to first visit Marcus. So she could appear in the doorway like the other routes, and do her thing, then he wakes up and everything's just normal and he's left confused and terrified, but thinking it was just a bad dream. Then the next day he goes to sleep and it happens again.

Thanks a lot for the ideas! Your plot sounds like something I'd like already, with Marcus slowly winning over the succubus somehow and her staying longer in his dreams and starting to just enjoy being with him. I'll think more about just what I can do with the idea, but yeah, I'd be interested in adding this as a thread at some point.
 
juggernorth said:
I also think there's a lot of potential in your idea of taking a closer look at Marcus' family life had things continued normally without an invasion. I've tried to imply in various different routes how strong an impact his Mother's overprotectiveness has had on his meek, submissive personality and it might be nice to demonstrate that more directly by showing just how she treats him in normal life as opposed to just having him think about it.
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I've been trying to read all of your routes and this is something I havenoticed, little bits of background sprinkled in them and there is a consistency in certain things on the different routes and I have to say its something I really appreciate and love. Not just with his mother but the background of the kingdom as well, like in Huntress route we see the countryside of the kingdom is not doing very well hearkening to the revolution route or the king having doubts about his brother coming to the rescue, and as it turns out in the maid route he's scheming against the main characters father. It's nice bit of effort and just letting you know it has not gone unnoticed.
 
spiritwind said:
I've been trying to read all of your routes and this is something I havenoticed, little bits of background sprinkled in them and there is a consistency in certain things on the different routes and I have to say its something I really appreciate and love. Not just with his mother but the background of the kingdom as well, like in Huntress route we see the countryside of the kingdom is not doing very well hearkening to the revolution route or the king having doubts about his brother coming to the rescue, and as it turns out in the maid route he's scheming against the main characters father. It's nice bit of effort and just letting you know it has not gone unnoticed.
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I've definitely appreciated them too.

juggernorth said:
This does sound interesting. I really like the concept of Marcus being terrified of this succubus, knowing she's coming to visit him again every night, but with no way to stop it or tell anyone what's going on. I think I'd probably have her curse him so he couldn't speak about her or something to add to his fear and isolation. And of course her harvesting his cum, edging and denying him, then milking him dry however she can is just something I'd very much enjoy writing. I also think there's a lot of potential in your idea of taking a closer look at Marcus' family life had things continued normally without an invasion. I've tried to imply in various different routes how strong an impact his Mother's overprotectiveness has had on his meek, submissive personality and it might be nice to demonstrate that more directly by showing just how she treats him in normal life as opposed to just having him think about it.

I've had a think about how to slot it in because it would be different to the other routes, and I could write the initial invasion in the introduction as a nightmare the succubus uses to first visit Marcus. So she could appear in the doorway like the other routes, and do her thing, then he wakes up and everything's just normal and he's left confused and terrified, but thinking it was just a bad dream. Then the next day he goes to sleep and it happens again.

Thanks a lot for the ideas! Your plot sounds like something I'd like already, with Marcus slowly winning over the succubus somehow and her staying longer in his dreams and starting to just enjoy being with him. I'll think more about just what I can do with the idea, but yeah, I'd be interested in adding this as a thread at some point.
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Thanks even in just these couple of paragraphs I feel like you've already done a better job of articulating some of my ideas. I'm definitely looking forward to reading more of your work.
 
Also in regards to the Gaius maledom path, I was a bit surprised there was no dedicated M/M path ordinarily I'd chalk that up to the author not wanting to write gay stuff though a decent amount of it is in a few branches so clearly you are not opposed to writing it. Personally I don't care I like M/M I like femdom and a bit less but I like futa as well,it's all good to me so long as there's a guy on the bottom :p. I will say in my experience I'd expect m/m to not be as popular with your readers or rather have a smaller viewer base but I'd be down with it and there is a dearth of it on this site so maybe it'd get a following. Though I am getting my fix of it in the revolution path so if you are not up for it it's all good. You already have an impressive number of routes going.
 
spiritwind said:
Also in regards to the Gaius maledom path, I was a bit surprised there was no dedicated M/M path ordinarily I'd chalk that up to the author not wanting to write gay stuff though a decent amount of it is in a few branches so clearly you are not opposed to writing it. Personally I don't care I like M/M I like femdom and a bit less but I like futa as well,it's all good to me so long as there's a guy on the bottom :p. I will say in my experience I'd expect m/m to not be as popular with your readers or rather have a smaller viewer base but I'd be down with it and there is a dearth of it on this site so maybe it'd get a following. Though I am getting my fix of it in the revolution path so if you are not up for it it's all good. You already have an impressive number of routes going.
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Yeah I am planning to add that one eventually as well. Funny enough, as you can probably see from Jack in the Revolutionary route, I do actually like writing M/M as more gentle and romantic, whereas my female and futa characters have more free reign to be kind or mean. Gaius is going to be something of an exception since he's not exactly planned as a nice guy and has a lot of resentment for Marcus who he sees as weak and pathetic. I know the route's probably going to be less popular among people on this site, but I'd definitely like to see what I can do with it. I write for myself first, and I find comments from readers much more important than likes or bookmarks anyway.

I agree I have a lot of routes on my plate already and they're all nowhere near the end yet! It's just that this story is one hundred percent my favorite thing I've ever written and I really like how Marcus has developed as a character from my original ideas, so I keep coming up with new things I'd like to do to him and the setting. Like I'll be sitting in my car and suddenly I'll think, ah that's something else I can have happen to him on this route and I'll want to toss it in somewhere.
 
spiritwind said:
I've been trying to read all of your routes and this is something I havenoticed, little bits of background sprinkled in them and there is a consistency in certain things on the different routes and I have to say its something I really appreciate and love. Not just with his mother but the background of the kingdom as well, like in Huntress route we see the countryside of the kingdom is not doing very well hearkening to the revolution route or the king having doubts about his brother coming to the rescue, and as it turns out in the maid route he's scheming against the main characters father. It's nice bit of effort and just letting you know it has not gone unnoticed.
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That is a great point and one I hadn’t fully appreciated. I only read a few of the paths but it’s definitely true that the persistent details of setting and character really adds to the full effect.

This is one of my favourite stories lately and the quality is fantastic juggernorth. I love the fact it deals with genres I don’t usually read so it’s refreshing to me, and you’ve crafted a brilliant but subtly gender bent society which is great.
The quantity is incredible, and I’m incredibly impressed with your output across several stories.
 
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