Before I asked her out I thought saying someone was asexual was a joke about them self reproducing. I just hadn’t heard the word used differently until then with enough context. When she said she didn’t want to sex... I was surprised. I tried to make it work anyways but it didn’t last long before we broke up. She broke up with me and I don’t remember her exact reason but I think it came from us secretly doubting our relationship plus her talking with her friend. I learned a few things from the experience and I do have some fond memories from that time so it wasn’t all in vain. Maybe it could have worked out if done differently but I have come to terms with the fact that I can’t try dating her again and can only apply what I have learned to the next person I try to date.
If I knew and liked someone that is asexual right now I would probably try dating them because a relationship provides more than just sex. I would probably suggest a short term relationship until we have reason to split up and maybe we don’t and work through it. It wouldn’t be easy for me to brake up but it would help me currently so I think it would be worth it.
I would also have to work on saying the things I don’t want to as in my last relationship it was hard to talk about. Unless the person I am with is really blunt I will have to get over the nervous part of me that doesn’t want to talk about sex or ask the questions that need to be asked. Like how was she asexual? Was it physical? Mental? Both? I never asked but was curious.
Being asexual also doesn't mean "doesn't want sex", it just means "doesn't
need sex". Basically nobody knows what it means, and it's hard to come by a proper description, so if you're wanting to know then here it is:
Asexual people are physically capable of having sex, and also still feel all the same physical stuff (feels nice) and everything. They can have sex, they will enjoy sex, all'a that. They just don't have that mental
need for sex. Not that people who aren't asexual shrivel up and die without it or anything, but the desire is still there. It's hard to explain because we understand stuff with our brains and we're talking about a difference in the way that brains work here, but I came up with a good analogy when I last talked about this like 6 months ago.
Imagine that you were on a planet where eating food wasn't necessary for survival, like how having sex isn't necessary for survival. However, most people on that planet still got hungry -- they can push aside those feelings, or train themselves to be monks and never partake in food, but the temptation and desire is still there. On this world, asexuals would be like the people who don't get hungry. Their mouths are fully functional, food still tastes great, but if they were in a spot where no food was around then they'd not be sweating about it.
An asexual person is okay in a relationship where there's no sex, assuming they love the other fella, just like most people are okay in relationships where your partner doesn't like watching movies. The reaction is like an "aw, okay, that's a great way to enjoy each other's company and hang out, but there are still plenty of other ways!". They'd also be fully cool if their partner wanted sex like, 11 times a day -- if an asexual person has some sort of aversion to sex, it's like a tall person having brown eyes; unrelated and coming from other factors that anybody could have.
To clear it up a teense more, you're not necessarily asexual just because you'd be okay with spending your life with a romantic partner who never wanted sex. It's more about being like "yeah no worries" about it -- for a lot of people, even if they loved the person enough to stay with them, it would still be a decision that they'd have to make. They'd have a sit down with their mates and go "yeah man, I love her so much, but it's gonna be tough. I hope we can stay together through this.". An asexual person would be like "rad wanna hug".
Sorry if I went a bit long, I know I often talk too much about stuff I find interesting, and the way that different people's brains can work is really really interesting to me because it's a completely different worldview and stuff. It was really interesting to me finding out that when your sixteen year old mate sees a woman twice his age in a movie from twenty years ago that he really does think "I'd like to have sex with her", because for most of my life I thought it was all just pretend to look cool (up until I FINALLY heard someone give a proper description about what asexual means and went "righto there I am"). Having a mate who pauses the Tom Holland shirtless scene in Spider-Man Homecoming to take a picture after finding out most of the world thinks differently to me was such a weird thing. I always thought asexual just meant that someone can't fall in love, and it's really cool to me trying to understand the other dudes' thoughts.
Odds are, the girl you're talking about wasn't fully read up on the word's meaning either, unless her being asexual was just an independent fact from her not wanting to have sex (which does happen at about the same rate it does in everyone else). Hope that was all leaning more towards interesting to read than eye-straining to read, have an awesome rest of your night!
