Asian Persuasion

daciasdesire

daciasdesire

Really Experienced
Introducing my new story: Asian Persuasion

Back when I used to write a lot, I had two titles for stories that I always wanted to do. This is the first one them. Thankfully no one had used it or my other secret one too.

The basic premise of the story is a bouncer working in a nightclub with a bad case of Yellow Fever. Its in the Interracial category as there's more than a little bit of Asian fetish involved. Its based on some of my times working in the nightclubs scenes (no I am not any one of the characters lol)

I've started to fill out one of the four main first branches which is focused on Min, a gorgeous Vietnamese girl. It includes my first attempt at adding pictures. I think I've written a quite hot sex scene too which I'm adding chapter by chapter

I hope you would all give it a chance. Any feedback is appreciated. Contributors more than welcome!

Thanks

Dacia
 
Yellow Fever's not my particular kink, but it seems like a good start along the main path - or at least, I'm curious what your plans are for developing the story beyond "Dude meets Asian, gets laid." Writing itself is fine; the weakest part is probably the dialogue (not that you need to fill it with dirty talk or anything), the exchanges feel a bit perfunctory, and the texts in particular I think should probably be on their own rather than part of a paragraph. Be easier to read that way.
 
Zeebop said:
Yellow Fever's not my particular kink, but it seems like a good start along the main path - or at least, I'm curious what your plans are for developing the story beyond "Dude meets Asian, gets laid." Writing itself is fine; the weakest part is probably the dialogue (not that you need to fill it with dirty talk or anything), the exchanges feel a bit perfunctory, and the texts in particular I think should probably be on their own rather than part of a paragraph. Be easier to read that way.
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Thanks for the feedback Zeebop. I've taken what you said on board and edited it out so that the texts are separate from the paragraphs. Hopefully easier to read.
I've hopefully made the dialogue a bit better in my latest thread, rather than just perfunctionary. I've also started to introduce to introduce a plot line that's more than just "see Asian, bang Asian".

Hope you like it a little better. Thanks!
 
Does anyone know how to have a thread be an end of a branch with no threads able to come after it? I want to finish an off branch with a dead end
 
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People normally replace the "What's next?" with THE END or [END] or something like that to indicate that this is supposed to be an ending. As far as I can see, other writers respect that.
 
I've never seen anyone ignore a "the end" or similar either, though I have seen the occasional instance where people have gone back a chapter and written a similar chapter but which opens up the option to continue somehow...
 
I’ll go with “The End” at the end of the chapter when I get around to writting it. If someone wants to ignore that I can always reject the thread.
 
I'm continually blown away by how well this story is going. Its not everyone's cup of tea with a focus on sex rather than story at times.
Over 200 likes
31,000 views
120 Favorites and 24 Bookmarks

19 Chapters at its deepest point on the Min story line and 30 in total (Despite Chyoa saying its 26)
lamancha has taken the Piya story line and is starting to run with it too :-)
 
Time for a little update.

So my story has been going so incredibly well I am absolutely blown away.

Its received over 750 likes (Over 100 yesterday alone)
More than 110,000 views
200+ Favourites and 70 odd bookmarks.
It's also just a scratch of 50 chapters deep too!

I can't thank enough the writers that have joined in: Lamancha, Brevdravis and Nemo of Utopia.
Thank you so so much!
 
You're more than welcome. I fully intend to continue my thread, just has been a rough couple of days in RL.
(And Judo has been kicking my ass...) :)
 
brevdravis said:
You're more than welcome. I fully intend to continue my thread, just has been a rough couple of days in RL.
(And Judo has been kicking my ass...) :)
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Me too. I have heaps more to write for your story too. Possibly will be after my holiday though now.

Ooh what belt are you? I’m orange!
 
Still a white one. And yes, I use bleach, so it's actually white. :)
Loving it, but starting when you're older means you have to slow down a bit.
 
So proud of my little story in receiving its first 1,000 likes!!

Thank you to all the reader, contributors and likers!!
 
With the Piya and Yui branch of the story coming close to 100 chapters in length, I went through and added up the whole thing to Grammarly to get a total word count so far.

87,105!

With a total reading time of 5 hours 48 minutes!

Anyone got a spare six hours? Lol
 
Sorry I've been absent, but my inspiration has gone in different directions. I hope to get back to it at some point in the future, because I really enjoy this story and want to continue.
 
brevdravis said:
Sorry I've been absent, but my inspiration has gone in different directions. I hope to get back to it at some point in the future, because I really enjoy this story and want to continue.
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Never a problem Brev. I really need to finish the chapters I was writing in your story too!
 
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