At the Cabin

Discussion in 'Story Feedback' started by johnhoftb, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    The way I'll do it in the story, Kurt is a good guy who let a tragedy consume him and turn him into what we were seeing. The remorse he felt over Chloe and Gavin reached through the fog around him and got to his lost humanity for a while, but the deciding factor was Heather's disappointment. He wants to be good for her, not romantically speaking, but because she represents his childhood, he remembers them playing as kids and that makes him want to be that nice guy again. I guess, in a way, she's his anchor. He wouldn't turn on Zack, because Zack was the only one willing to give him a chance to prove himself.
     
  2. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    So, on my last thread I've brought Taylor and Hannah back to the story in a bigger role, along with their friends. Anyone who wants to use them in their threads is welcome to do so.

    On another note, a Happy New Year for everybody!
     
  3. henrytemp

    henrytemp Really Experienced CHYOA Backer

    Hi. As I decided to add to this story I wanted to poke my head in here and introduce myself. I've never attempted to write erotica before, though I have written plays/stories quite a bit. I've also been reading literotica and later this site for 10+ years. This story is one of the best I've ever read. Much credit goes to Duskford for creating it and bringing alive a story that is interesting and compelling. I also have read Vain's take and he has created some incredibly hot scenes. I decided to jump in because I had my own take on a few characters that I saw was never going to happen in those two threads.

    My take on this world is that each person in the cabin has their eyes set on someone else in the cabin, who in turn is thinking about a 3rd person. So Chloe wants Zach, Zach wants Victoria, Victoria is still pining over Dustin. Gavin wants Heather, Heather wants Brandon. The exception is of course Kurt who would fuck anyone, and Brandon-Ashley who want each other but have other forces trying to pull them apart.

    So I'm going for a slow build until it suddenly all breaks loose. My side story with Susan came out of my brainstorm. I was looking at other characters and how they could interact with the main characters and I got stuck on her. Instant MILF fantasy. My first thought was to have her deflower Gavin, based on duskford's thread of him being at the house. I finally settled on this storyline.

    I have no clue how it will all play out but have a really good ending based on who Zack lost his virginity to in the closet. When I finally get to my ending I think you all will enjoy the twist.
     
  4. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Hey henrytemp, welcome! Your threads have been really good and it's certainly an interesting approach you'll give the characters, looking forward to read how it'll work out in the end.
     
  5. Patzo

    Patzo Really Experienced

    I figure I might as well introduce myself as well. I'm a sometime writer-for-pleasure who's dipping his toes into erotica as well, and what got me here was not just the amount of thought going into each writer's contributions, but also duskford's encouragement towards anyone who wants to explore a new direction to the story. Much respect to him for sharing the characters he created with us.

    As for my threads, I'm getting a little ambitious. I'm still working out the long arc, but next up is an Ashley/Kurt/Victoria threesome and a flashback to a conversation between Heather/Kurt on the drive to the cabin, with the Victoria/Brandon scene I mentioned in a comment thread as another flashback down the line. I'm just not sure how well a nonlinear timeline works in a choose-your-own format. Any thoughts or recommendations?

    Also, for what it's worth, Kurt has sort of usurped Zack as the protagonist in my threads. I know everyone hates him, but he's great for my needs because he makes every decision while he's horny and keeps getting burned for it.
     
  6. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Welcome to the thread and thanks, Patzo. Well, I like to encourage the other writers to contribute because I like my characters so much that I feel that they deserve more than one or two storylines going on, it has been really fun and interesting to read everyone's take so far, sometimes I end up reading great things that I couldn't even have imagined before.

    With your threads, you're certainly going a way no one did before, I can tell it'll be truly good and I'm lookig forward to it. Kurt is not always hated, I for example, turned him into a good guy, but I suppose the way he is at the beginning fills that need for a jerk who only wants to corrupt the girls and frustrate the other guys.

    On another note, I'll use this post to say another thing or two. I was discussing with Vain on the comments' section of one of his threads the possibility of making alternate threads with more crazy stuff going on with the characters. I thought about writing one that would turn true that running joke about there being something in the air around lake pushing the characters to do more naughty and crazy things. What do you guys think? Or, do you have another idea for a crazy thread?
     
  7. Yarkoz

    Yarkoz Really Really Experienced

    I think it's best to have an idea of past conversations or interactions between characters that unfold into their present actions that you want to focus on. If you have a good idea about what's happened in the past, then you can flip back to it when it becomes relevant. Different stories can lead to the same chain of events too, like for example here, whether it was Zack or Gavin who instilled her self-esteem and body image issues into her, or who Zack had sex with at Ashley's party. When the appropriate branching point comes around, i.e. the story you might be working on, then you can insert that alternate interaction into the past and capitulate your current story. That's my view, and it's a bit complicated and definitely influenced by a lifetime of reading far too much science fiction, but if it helps, I'm glad to offer it. Your stories are spectacular by the way. Echoing duskford, they are a pleasure to read :D

    I too have an idea for Kurt, in which he softens a bit and gets rewarded for doing so -- like you, him being horny I think gets him into far more trouble than otherwise.

    I had a similar idea! I initially had an idea of a chemical explosion on the highway nearby the town that released a bizarre aphrodisiac into the air, but I'm not sure. I prefer the idea of some natural phenomenon myself -- maybe a rare perfect storm of pheromones and chemical signaling between plants an animals in the forest that has reached some kind of peak when they just happen to be there. Either ways, thoughts and suggestions are welcome!
     
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  8. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    I like your idea of a chemical explosion, Yarkoz, it'd be the most logical route to take. Although, I had thought as well of using a more supernatural approach and do it like it was the work of some spirit or entity in the woods. Another strange idea I had was to have them get to the cabin and find out that there has been something wrong with one of the bedrooms, like an insect infestation or some problem with the walls or the roof, an issue that would force them to share just three bedrooms amongst them, making things more crowded at night.
     
    Yarkoz likes this.
  9. Yarkoz

    Yarkoz Really Really Experienced

    I love the idea of something supernatural going on -- a vague force that's pushing them into having sex in crazy ways to satisfy itself perhaps? The idea that something has ruined part of the cabin is good too, and three to a room would definitely be interesting -- I can see Heather trying to tease Zack and Gavin into something torrid pretty quickly ;)
     
  10. henrytemp

    henrytemp Really Experienced CHYOA Backer

    Hey again. 1st of all I was way drunk when I first posted on here so I apologize for my over-giddiness. truth is I have some crazy ideas for how the story will develop and they may end up being corny or enjoyable, I hope the latter.

    Also, got hit with a nasty flu this week. It completely took me out of my writing zone. When even sitting in front of the computer let alone reading/wrting erotica makes you feel queasy, it's not ideal. (I'm not even caught up on what y'all have posted) Hope to be back at it soon.
     
  11. Vain

    Vain Experienced

    Looking forwards to see more of your threads, Henrytemp. Hope you get better soon. ; ) (Strangely enough I'm usually having a lot of inspiration for writing when I'm ill... but I'm rarely proud of the results when I try and look back at what I've managed to scribble together...)

    Regarding the supernatural / chemical explosion that Duskford and Yarkoz are planning, I've been thinking along the same lines for a while now as well. Will try and make my new set of threads focus on that part, which will eventually explain why I'm forcing the sexual build-up much faster than my previous attempt. We'll see what I come up with once I get there, but there's a high risk I'll shamelessly keep copying other people's threads and ideas - perhaps up to and including the use of suspicious bear costumes. : )
     
  12. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    It's a good thing bear costumes have a number of uses, I'm picturing one of the girls arranging for strippers wearing one of those to come to the cabin. On another note, I thought of more possibilities for an alternate story, maybe it'd be cool to change the lineup of the people coming to the cabin on the beginning, perhaps adding Lisa or one of the older sisters from the start, maybe bump up one year on the age of Brandon's little sister and make them twins, so she could appear on the story as well. Anyway, just a few possibilities.
     
    Zingiber likes this.
  13. Vain

    Vain Experienced

    Don't think you need to change the initial lineup, as the whole story pretty much revolves around those eight you've already introduced. There's a few threads already with the other characters being added much quicker though, so I guess it's possible to make a 'last moment change of plans' kind of thread, where for example Hannah and Taylor decides to show up and want to stay over the very first night - with their call coming in just when the others are about to decide on who's sharing a room with who...

    Just a few possibilities though, like you said. ; )
     
  14. Yarkoz

    Yarkoz Really Really Experienced

    Indeed, feel better, henrytemp.

    By the way duskford, have you give any thought to how Heather and Kurt's parents are related? Barring any divorces and their mothers not changing their names after marriage, I assume they're either brother and sister, or sister and sister, giving their different last names. I ask this because I'm curious what the main family name is, either Johnson, Ravers, or something else (meaning that both of their mothers are sisters). I have an idea for a later thread involving the two on my new paths.

    Heh, the way I see it is that these are really different paths with similar backgrounds. In my original threads, I still think Jensen is doing nefarious things from duskford's story, Ashley could very well be bisexual like you've suggested but being with Brandon has limited her experiences, and Zack gave Chloe body image problems as told by johnhoftb. These are events that take place in roughly the same stage, so plundering each other's contributions is, I think, needed to a degree.

    At least that's how I justify it anyway :D
     
  15. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Yarkoz, Heather and Kurt's mothers are sisters. Ravers is the surname of Heather's father, while Johnson is the surname of Kurt's dad. I don't remember very well, but I think I've stated in a thread about their mothers being sisters, if not, forgive me for the oversight, lol. The cabin belongs to Heather's father's family, having been passed to him by his parents.
     
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  16. Yarkoz

    Yarkoz Really Really Experienced

    You probably did, I just forgot, lol -- thanks duskford. Did you have an idea for their mothers' family name? If not, I can create one. I have a weird fixation on consistency I suppose.
     
  17. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    I remember thinking about their mothers' family name being Stevens, but I've never set it in stone, so feel free to create one if you want, I guess.
     
  18. Zingiber

    Zingiber Really Really Experienced

    Well, the gang's all here in the alternate story beginning! Twelve, including two big sisters.

    https://chyoa.com/story/at-the-cabin/thread/alt-a-different-beginning

    Madison Cole -- Brandon's twin sister. Petite build. Long black hair and brown eyes. Reputation for being snappish.
    Brandon Cole -- football player, funny guy, Ashley's boyfriend. Short brown hair, brown eyes. Keeps an eye on Madison.
    Ashley Woodsen -- petite blue-eyed blonde, medium-sized breasts, cheerleader, Brandon's girlfriend, best friends with Victoria.
    Hannah Woodsen -- Ashley's big sister, Taylor's best friend. Tall blonde, large breasts, ex-cheerleader, 21. Zack's secret crush in his early teens.
    Taylor Bishop -- Zack's big sister, Hannah's best friend, college premed, blue-eyed brunette, taller than Zack (see heights in Duskford's follow-up)
    Zack Bishop -- close friend of Gavin and Chloe, buddies with Brandon, brown hair, blue eyes.
    Lisa Rivera -- Long wavy black hair, dark brown eyes. Zack's former girlfriend, had an angry break-up with him partly involving Victoria.
    Gavin Westher -- longtime close friend of Zack and Chloe. Brown hair and eyes, skinny build. Shy talking to girls. Habitually on his mobile electronic device.
    Chloe McRose -- longtime close friend of Gavin and Zack. Soccer player at school. Long red hair, blue eyes, large breasts. Shy about showing her body.
    Victoria Walker -- green-eyed blonde with wavy hair, nice curves, academic star, best friends with Ashley, Zack's current crush.
    Heather Ravers -- cheerleader, blue-eyed brunette, larger breasts, fun and fun-loving, most dating and sexual experience. It's her family's cabin.
    Kurt Johnson -- Heather's slightly older cousin present against her wishes, maybe carrying a grudge from an early heartbreak.

    Four bedrooms and two bathrooms is going to make this an interesting proposition.

    I can imagine Kurt arguing that they could put all the fellows in the master bedroom and designate the guys' bathroom and the girls' bathroom. Zack will counterpropose putting Brandon and Ashley in the non-master bedroom and having the rest of the guys on the living-room couches. Chloe wants to room with Zack and Gavin, maybe plus Taylor, since she trusts them.

    I can imagine Taylor and Hannah going for morning jogs along the lake together.
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2015
    Duskford likes this.
  19. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Thanks for posting this overview up for everyone, Zingiber!

    Yeah, the next thread went more or less like you've said, Heather suggesting about Ashley and Brandon being in the same room and Zack having his idea about the couches shot down. In the end, I felt that leaving all on fate's hands in a draw would be a more interesting idea, preventing everyone from automatically rooming with the ones they're most comfortable with.

    Adding a little info about the height of the characters, Taylor isn't the tallest overall, I imagine it goes along these lines, from the tallest to the shortest: Kurt, Brandon, Gavin, Taylor, Zack, Hannah, Victoria, Heather, Lisa, Chloe, Ashley and Madison.

    About eventual themes, I don't know yet, this branch is mostly unplanned at the moment, I only have a few scenes in my head that I want to fit in at some point.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2015
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  20. Duskford

    Duskford CHYOA Guru

    Decided on a theme for my alternate, some time ago I suggested to Vain on one of his threads to make Kurt take in Gavin as an unwilling apprentice, that got me thinking that a fun story could be written from that premise. What I did was to expand a little on the idea and having Kurt make Zack and Gavin see that they're at the cabin to have fun and that includes trying to get into the girls' pants. With Zack already on board with the idea and Gavin reluctant at first, I think it can indeed develop into a funny story.