yeah not Bianca, she's in a different world than Alex in my mind. at some point may have them cross paths (in a private scene) which may open up an idea, but at this point I have nothing
College Leadership Retreat
- Thread starter henrytemp
- Start date
okay I need some feedback on some scenes I have coming up. A big one I have coming up night 2 is Makayla going over her research with Dr. Pittman. The point of this scene is for something to happen that upsets Makayla so much that she desperately needs her boyfriend, but he is out hiking, so she drinks instead. This leads to an interaction with Erik that makes her feel so guilty that when Alex returns the next morning (he had been caught in a storm) that they break up.
The challenge: I've tried to portray Pittman as a cocky man who knows students crush on him, but he's not a lecherous predator trying to fuck every student. He loves his wife and yes he has suppressed feelings for Bianca. But he's not out looking to seduce Makayla.
A couple ways I've thought of playing this out-
-while helping Makayla he gets caught up in the memory of Bianca and ends up kissing her or nearly kissing her
-he's just a natural flirt and he unintentionally gets to Makayla who feels guilty about thinking about another guy, again
But I'm really not sure, and it's a pivotal scene to their break-up and eventual reconciliation
The challenge: I've tried to portray Pittman as a cocky man who knows students crush on him, but he's not a lecherous predator trying to fuck every student. He loves his wife and yes he has suppressed feelings for Bianca. But he's not out looking to seduce Makayla.
A couple ways I've thought of playing this out-
-while helping Makayla he gets caught up in the memory of Bianca and ends up kissing her or nearly kissing her
-he's just a natural flirt and he unintentionally gets to Makayla who feels guilty about thinking about another guy, again
But I'm really not sure, and it's a pivotal scene to their break-up and eventual reconciliation
the other scene, or activity really, is I'm sending some people on a town-run to pick up something for an activity. I want it to be something that still falls in the team building catagory, but allows for some awkward/romantic situations. I've thought of maybe something with costumes? but I don't know where to go from there. any feedback appreciated
Duskford
CHYOA Guru
The second option sounds better, in my opinion. That way it can be unintentional on Pittman's part and without the weigh of him doing something to her because of Bianca.
Maybe you can have a costume party where some mistakes and random hook-ups happen because of the costumes.
I'm not sure if I'll finish tonight, probably tomorrow night, but a who bunch of scenes going to be posted the next two days.
With the dinner scene I wanted to say something that hopefully is not too much of a spoiler. The Gina/Note storyline was something I came up with after I started because I had nothing for her. As you read realize, who sent the note is actually less important than how her reaction/questioning/investigation leads to other awkward situations. That's the point of that storyline. Who sent it will be revealed, but the fun is all the guys and maybe girls who think she is hitting on them and react. So entirely possible she gets it in her head X sent the note, sleeps with him and it wasn't him.. or her
With the dinner scene I wanted to say something that hopefully is not too much of a spoiler. The Gina/Note storyline was something I came up with after I started because I had nothing for her. As you read realize, who sent the note is actually less important than how her reaction/questioning/investigation leads to other awkward situations. That's the point of that storyline. Who sent it will be revealed, but the fun is all the guys and maybe girls who think she is hitting on them and react. So entirely possible she gets it in her head X sent the note, sleeps with him and it wasn't him.. or her
I started the next scene between Alex and Gaby last night and will finish it tonight. After that will be a scene at the party cabin, then a scene back at the college between two new characters, then the rest of monday night will be spent with Alex and Gaby at the cabin where they've gotten stuck for the night.
So the last scene I posted is very different from what I usually do. I have always considered Ranger Raz to be a very open character, he could be a womanizer, gay, bad guy, whatever, though I originally created him to be a fling for Bianca before she finally hooked up with Brian.
I also had some darker thoughts for him. In my main story he is the one that owns the cabin. But if he was not-a-nice-guy, I saw the possibility of him showing up and manipulating Alex/Gaby in some way. (Or i've considered a thread where it is Alex/Makayla that end up there)
Anyway, as I wrote the original scene, I realized the bottled water provided an opportunity to set up that possibility. So, I went ahead and just altered the original scene to set it up. I probably won't continue it myself though.
I also had some darker thoughts for him. In my main story he is the one that owns the cabin. But if he was not-a-nice-guy, I saw the possibility of him showing up and manipulating Alex/Gaby in some way. (Or i've considered a thread where it is Alex/Makayla that end up there)
Anyway, as I wrote the original scene, I realized the bottled water provided an opportunity to set up that possibility. So, I went ahead and just altered the original scene to set it up. I probably won't continue it myself though.
was definitely considering this too
An aside, this falls into the "plot hole" area I've been fighting myself on, with this story.
1. No college would allow the party cabin to ever happen
2. in the story Alex/Gaby not returning isn't discovered until morning, in a real situation there would be check in/out procedures and it would have been known that night.
3. if there is no cell reception, would be difficult for a remote camera system
not a criticism of the idea, just wanted to point out that I've skirted certain plotholes. but that's because having interesting stories is more important
Duskford
CHYOA Guru
Yeah, without the reception, the idea doesn't work. Gave that suggestion because it was a plot I was going to use in At the Cabin long ago (the cameras).
Okay been thinking about tuesday and how I could kind of shake everything up. Most of the morning will be spent on finding Alex & Gaby, then after Alex returns he has a fight with Makayla and they break up. The backstory is that originally they were going to give everyone Wednesday morning off, when the other group was arriving, but after all the stress, they decide to give them tuesday afternoon off.
So I was thinking about some different pairings that could.
Brian & Erik- head over to a lake where other campers are, looking for women (in Erik's case) with Brian playing wingman
Gaby & Sayen- They also head to the lake to check out the boys, but with Sayen having an ulterior motive of keeping an eye on Erik
Axe & Makayla- With Makayla having just alienated Alex & Gaby, Alex asks Axe to stick with her, b/c if all her friends abandon her that will push her to Erik
Here's where it's a little trickier:
Alex & Gina- when the note doesn't appear until after Alex returns, and knowing he and Makayla broke up, she suspects he is behind it and asks him to go with her to the trading post to pick up some things...
Alex & Bianca- Bianca wanting to stay away from Pitt, offers to spend time with Alex, they console each other on their breakups and possibly plant some seeds for their scene on wednesday night
Bianca & Pitt- they are forced to have to work together on a project of some kind, tensions increase
Bianca & Gina/Alex & Pitt- really don't have any ideas for these possible pairings
Gina & Pitt- if I go with Alex/Bianca I probably won't do much with these two other than maybe her confiding in him about the notes
Thoughts/Suggestions?
So I was thinking about some different pairings that could.
Brian & Erik- head over to a lake where other campers are, looking for women (in Erik's case) with Brian playing wingman
Gaby & Sayen- They also head to the lake to check out the boys, but with Sayen having an ulterior motive of keeping an eye on Erik
Axe & Makayla- With Makayla having just alienated Alex & Gaby, Alex asks Axe to stick with her, b/c if all her friends abandon her that will push her to Erik
Here's where it's a little trickier:
Alex & Gina- when the note doesn't appear until after Alex returns, and knowing he and Makayla broke up, she suspects he is behind it and asks him to go with her to the trading post to pick up some things...
Alex & Bianca- Bianca wanting to stay away from Pitt, offers to spend time with Alex, they console each other on their breakups and possibly plant some seeds for their scene on wednesday night
Bianca & Pitt- they are forced to have to work together on a project of some kind, tensions increase
Bianca & Gina/Alex & Pitt- really don't have any ideas for these possible pairings
Gina & Pitt- if I go with Alex/Bianca I probably won't do much with these two other than maybe her confiding in him about the notes
Thoughts/Suggestions?
Duskford
CHYOA Guru
Nice ideas to, like you said, shake things up a bit. The first three sound like fun scenes, although I didn't imagine Sayen was still hung up on Erik to the point of wanting to keep an eye on him. About the trickier scenes, either the Alex & Gina and the Alex & Bianca have a lot of potential, especially the latter, I'd say go for it. A scene with Bianca & Gina also sounds intriguing, maybe they can have some fun together to release some tension, Bianca can surely use it, and Gina is already on edge because of the note.
thanks for the feedback.
I liked the idea of Alex and Gina initially but the more I think on it, after all the attention I gave him the night before, I think I want to pull him into the background for a bit and let others have some fun. Some simple scenes with Bianca setting up for the big one the following day seems the best route.
Sayen isn't hooked on Eric, she's pissed that he was framing her as a slut/cheater to get to Makayla, so she wants to thwart his plans
that last chapter i posted was designed to set up two future scenes, one of which will happen during the current day and one I'm not sure when/if it will happen
1. While Gaby is out prowling for boys she runs into Raz and he remarks that she was "The lady that spent the night in his bed" and they go from there
2. Makayla goes to him to thank him for all he had done and in the course of the convo she revealed she broke up with him, Raz tells her that he has no clue what happened but he knows they spent the night in separate rooms
the 2nd scene wold likely take place on Thursday or early Friday after the Erik-Makayla story has played out. I don't know yet if it will involve romance between Makayla and Raz or just him helping guide her back to Alex, or maybe a little of both.
Originally I created Raz to be a quick fling for Bianca, not sure if I will have a scene between them or not. Another idea I've had but not sure if it will fit into main story or an alt story is him inviting the group pver for a cook-out. That could provide an opportunity for the staff to drink and party with the students.
Also my plan is for a big party friday night to tie up all the stories. But planning to do an alternate storyline, maybe thursday night where they play spin the bottle. at that point everyone will be single, and I'll do it truly randomly like Duskford did in At The Cabin
1. While Gaby is out prowling for boys she runs into Raz and he remarks that she was "The lady that spent the night in his bed" and they go from there
2. Makayla goes to him to thank him for all he had done and in the course of the convo she revealed she broke up with him, Raz tells her that he has no clue what happened but he knows they spent the night in separate rooms
the 2nd scene wold likely take place on Thursday or early Friday after the Erik-Makayla story has played out. I don't know yet if it will involve romance between Makayla and Raz or just him helping guide her back to Alex, or maybe a little of both.
Originally I created Raz to be a quick fling for Bianca, not sure if I will have a scene between them or not. Another idea I've had but not sure if it will fit into main story or an alt story is him inviting the group pver for a cook-out. That could provide an opportunity for the staff to drink and party with the students.
Also my plan is for a big party friday night to tie up all the stories. But planning to do an alternate storyline, maybe thursday night where they play spin the bottle. at that point everyone will be single, and I'll do it truly randomly like Duskford did in At The Cabin
Duskford
CHYOA Guru
Raz with either Makayla or Gaby sounds like a hot scene to be developed. The random spin the bottle has a lot of potential as well.
I'm going to be creating a new female ranger character. Not sure details yet but - hot as hell, and mean as hell, at least the first time we see her.
Also working on two female characters to interact with Brian and Erik at the lake. The next few chapters may come slowly as I figure things out. But Tuesday afternoon so far:
1. Gina goes to Pitt for advice about the notes she's received
2. Gaby and Sayen decide to go to the lake too
3. Alex and Bianca console each other on recent breakups, introduced to female ranger
4. Brian and Erik meet two women, Erik scores, Brian gets some advice on his situation from the other
5. Axe tries to console Makayla, but ends up angering her, so they go their separate ways
6. Gaby runs into Raz and they hook-up
7. Sayen and Axe reunite and do some more sleuthing together.
8. Makayla likely spends some time with Pitt, not sure on this yet though
all that before dinner (long afternoon)
Not sure what happens after that, but big scene planned between Erik and Makayla. Was originally going to do this scene Monday night, but decided it would be better if it happened after the breakup and the added bonus of Makayla having her own room.
*note to self* go back and edit some chapters to establish the day of the week
Also working on two female characters to interact with Brian and Erik at the lake. The next few chapters may come slowly as I figure things out. But Tuesday afternoon so far:
1. Gina goes to Pitt for advice about the notes she's received
2. Gaby and Sayen decide to go to the lake too
3. Alex and Bianca console each other on recent breakups, introduced to female ranger
4. Brian and Erik meet two women, Erik scores, Brian gets some advice on his situation from the other
5. Axe tries to console Makayla, but ends up angering her, so they go their separate ways
6. Gaby runs into Raz and they hook-up
7. Sayen and Axe reunite and do some more sleuthing together.
8. Makayla likely spends some time with Pitt, not sure on this yet though
all that before dinner (long afternoon)
Not sure what happens after that, but big scene planned between Erik and Makayla. Was originally going to do this scene Monday night, but decided it would be better if it happened after the breakup and the added bonus of Makayla having her own room.
*note to self* go back and edit some chapters to establish the day of the week
Duskford
CHYOA Guru
Looking forward to all of those, especially the scenes between Alex/Bianca, Raz/Gaby and Erik/Makayla.
Hoping to get back to writing tonight or tomorrow. Been kind of stuck on the new characters. I think the girl that hooks up with Erik will likely look similar to Makayla. Since he's already achieved his goal of driving a wedge between her and Alex (which more than getting laid, as really the goal) I want to use the encounter to push him back toward trying to seduce Makayle. I see Erik as more of a man-whore than a so called "virgin-slayer" so he is used to targeting bimbos, not working hard to get laid.
The new ranger is tougher. I want her to be different than rangers in another story... My plan is to debut her as being a total bitch to Alex, then adding layers to her character later.
The new ranger is tougher. I want her to be different than rangers in another story... My plan is to debut her as being a total bitch to Alex, then adding layers to her character later.