I just published an epic CHYOA erotica for Kindle

hematoma

hematoma

Really Experienced
I was hesitant to post promoting my kindle stuff on here, but I figure after 10+ years some of you might be interested in this particular piece of work. Friedman gave me the go ahead to make a post.

You might remember me from such CHYOA stories as the Virgin Heroine, a Sexy Day in Suburbia, and The Shining Stone. For a couple years I have been writing erotica for Kindle under a pseudonym and today I published a massive story that I have been writing since late 2013.



Princess to Pleasure Slave Adventure: Dungeon of the Monster Breeder lets you take on the role of a princess captured and thrown into a monster-filled dungeon by a perverted wizard. You have to rescue your sisters and escape from the dungeon. It is almost a role playing game, with each monster encounter giving you the options to ATTACK, use MAGIC, PARLEY with your foe, WAIT for an opening, or SURRENDER. You can get away with some fooling around with the monsters, but the twist is that if any of the monsters manages to impregnate you then the magic of the dungeon will turn you into their slave. It is over 270,000 words and features 58 different endings, most of them bad but a few of them good.

The monsters included in the story are orcs, goblins, a succubus, a carnivorous plant girl, a lamia, a manticore, werewolves, sex-crazy beetles, a roper, an ogre, a gnome tinkerer in a giant suit of armor, a ravenous slime and more! Fans of my stories will recognize some of my ideas, but everything is original writing. No copying and pasting from CHYOA.

Check it out if it sounds interesting! It's free if you have Kindle Unlimited! I respect your opinions and I would love to know what my fellow chyoa writers think of the story.
 
Thank you! It was sort of a labor of (perverse) love because chyoa books never really take off on Amazon. But hopefully it finds its audience!
 
This is huge! Congrats! I'd love to take some of my stories in this direction. Thanks for the inspiration. Does the kindle have a story structure that accommodates CYOA?
 
Torg said:
This is huge! Congrats! I'd love to take some of my stories in this direction. Thanks for the inspiration. Does the kindle have a story structure that accommodates CYOA?
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Thanks! It's not perfect, but it works. I used Twine to map it all out and Word to build the story using bookmarks and internal links. KDP converts it from Word automatically and that works fairly well. In the future I hope to do one using Friedman's new CHYOA. I've got several more ideas, including a Spy Thriller, a fun party in New Orleans sort of adventure, and a lesbian modern day story.
 
Write up a how-to article. The tools you use, mapping, etc. It'd be a great resource.
 
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Seems I'm a bit late to this thread. However, I must say, this is an excellent read, and a very well done CHYOA book.

The writing is excellent, at once amazingly descriptive and yet never overly verbose. Some of the encounters have cameoed in other writings too (That infernal door with a dick from The Shining Stone!), which makes a nice touch for those of us who have read your other works. All in all, I spent a few hours going through it over and over, trying different things, and still haven't made it to some of the endings.

Excellently done, hematoma. 10/10!
 
jealco said:
Seems I'm a bit late to this thread. However, I must say, this is an excellent read, and a very well done CHYOA book.

The writing is excellent, at once amazingly descriptive and yet never overly verbose. Some of the encounters have cameoed in other writings too (That infernal door with a dick from The Shining Stone!), which makes a nice touch for those of us who have read your other works. All in all, I spent a few hours going through it over and over, trying different things, and still haven't made it to some of the endings.

Excellently done, hematoma. 10/10!
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Thank you! I love to hear reviews, especially good ones :P There are tons of endings and some of them are actually happy but those tend to be very difficult to get. I'd love to know how you "played" it. Did you go straight through and start over from the beginning repeatedly or did you take shortcuts frequently with the index of encounters?
 
I did a mixture of both. I really liked the Succubus good ending. Goblin and Olaf were interesting as well.

There are a lot of endings I still haven't found yet, but I'll get to them soon. Love the story and hope to see more like it. Last published CHYOA I found by another author sucked. All the endings pretty much were the same. You could fall to three or four different factions, and it didn't matter who it was that bested you, it turned out the same. And the sex scenes were poorly thought out and way too short. Yours was sooooo much better!
 
A mixture of both, really. It's definitely much, much more entertaining to go from the beginning, though. The main reason I even began dabbling in the index was a mix of curiosity and time. I was well past my bedtime, especially since I had work the next day, but just couldn't put it down.
 
jealco said:
A mixture of both, really. It's definitely much, much more entertaining to go from the beginning, though. The main reason I even began dabbling in the index was a mix of curiosity and time. I was well past my bedtime, especially since I had work the next day, but just couldn't put it down.
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Dude, I did the exact same thing....
 
Thanks so much for the feedback! It's good to know how people read the book and what works. My other huge CHYOA was a year or so ago titled Escape the Monster Breeding Grounds. It was big, but less polished. Adding the encounter index was one of the big changes, as well as having some companions. Hooo boy adding companions is a lot of work on a book like that, but the next time I try a big fantasy adventure like that I'm going to try even more elaborate choices with the companions.

If I can pick your brains a little more, what did you think of the use of the ATTACK/PARLEY/WAIT/etc template? I wanted it to feel like an RPG. Did you like that system or would you have preferred a more traditional Q&A CHYOA system?
 
I freshly downloaded it, and I look forward to playing around! Already, I can say I love the start. It is very rare to see a good, clear, interactive adventure ebook.
 
hematoma said:
Thanks so much for the feedback! It's good to know how people read the book and what works. My other huge CHYOA was a year or so ago titled Escape the Monster Breeding Grounds. It was big, but less polished. Adding the encounter index was one of the big changes, as well as having some companions. Hooo boy adding companions is a lot of work on a book like that, but the next time I try a big fantasy adventure like that I'm going to try even more elaborate choices with the companions.

If I can pick your brains a little more, what did you think of the use of the ATTACK/PARLEY/WAIT/etc template? I wanted it to feel like an RPG. Did you like that system or would you have preferred a more traditional Q&A CHYOA system?
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It feels solid. I think the biggest bit that makes it work so well is the descriptions of the encounter, immediately prior to making a decision. They're done so well that you can usually feel what will work with a particular foe, but it never feels like it's flat-out saying, "You can't fight this orc. Magic is a great idea, though." There's this sense that it would be a bad idea to fight it, and that maybe it's dim intellect will make it susceptible to magic, but not that it's impossible to fight it, or that magic is guaranteed to work. That perpetual hint of uncertainty in every decision you make is what makes the story so gripping. The replayability comes from every decision having weight and consequence, whether you make it out safely, or something goes south. That what seems like an end may not actually be an end was a pleasant surprise, one which makes that uncertainty even more gripping, since you never TRULY know what the next page brings. The writing style really made the format work. To be completely honest, it felt like it flowed far better than a traditional Q&A CHYOA, since you aren't bound to end every sequence with a question.

Not regarding the question, but something small I noticed:

All that being said, there's a couple of odds and ends that feel like they're missing, though they're purely a function of format. Most notable is the lack of a proper inventory system, something which CHYOA books definitely don't lend themselves to. I think the best way to circumvent that is a slightly more thorough description of what the character has at the beginning of the tale, and subtle hints throughout the story based on environmental conditions, etc. I knew from the get-go that Kirsten had been left with a loincloth and sword, it never was clear whether or not she'd been left with, say, gloves or shoes.

The reason I mention this is twofold. One, while, for some people, nude means birthday suit only, for others shoes, stockings, gloves, etc., may not be important to nudity, only that the naughty bits are exposed. It helps define your character's situation a bit more, giving the reader a little more clarity as to just what they do possess. The other reason is immersion. Since the reader cannot actually touch the environment, small indicators of how the character is feeling the environment can go a long ways towards making the reader feel as though they are, in fact, the character in the story. Something as simple as "cool stone underfoot" subtly implies a lack of footwear, without actually stating it. It brings the reader that much closer to the character, without adding needless bulk to the writing. Plus, those small things also become things you can use either in the character's favor, or against them, depending on the environment and situation.
 
Good advice. I definitely tried to keep her costume very simple, just so each scene I didn't have to write my way through the monster ripping off five different garments. But I could have done like you suggested and brought attention to her extreme lack of clothing as she moved through the dungeon.
 
hematoma said:
Good advice. I definitely tried to keep her costume very simple, just so each scene I didn't have to write my way through the monster ripping off five different garments. But I could have done like you suggested and brought attention to her extreme lack of clothing as she moved through the dungeon.
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It would have been rather clunky, and honestly would have detracted far more from the story than it added, to have some elaborate get-up. Besides, in a story about the (potential) debasement of a princess, it seems rather fitting to see her reduced from the trappings of royalty to less than an average peasant.
 
Congrats, very interesting setup. How could you manage the different branches? It's something like "if you want to attack go to page x" and so on?
Unfortunately I'm not particularly interested in monsters stories, otherwise I'd have probably gone for it :) (an extended and completed "sexy day in suburbia", for example)
 
I am working on a couple more CHYOA books right now, including one based on Sexy Day in Suburbia (no cut and paste, it's completely new writing) and another one that will act as a sequel to The Dungeon of the Monster Breeder. This sequel will cast the reader as a princess turned wizard's apprentice who is sent on an important quest. At the beginning of the story she has just come of age and matured enough to bond with her familiar. The reader gets to choose the familiar and in that way helps define subtle changes in her alignment during the course of the story. The familiars will provide four different story paths with different twists and turns here and there.

There are four familiars to choose from. I have two familiars locked in that I am going to use and two that I am probably going to use. I wanted to get everyone's opinions or simply thoughts on what monster companion you would like to see in this new book.

Definitely using
An imp (mischief)
A succubus (more of a slutty, evil character)

Could change
Fairy (good, pro-nature)
Satyr (neutral, debauched)

All four are fairly human characters. The fairy is sort of a Tinkerbell type girl, but she can grow to human size (or even bigger!) for brief... encounters. The Satyr will be this drunk who wants to convince you, as the princess, to take a break and fuck all the time. These four characters don't determine any of the outcomes in the book, you don't have to be evil just because you picked the succubus, but it will color all the interaction between you and your familiar.

Any monster you would prefer to see over the fairy or the satyr?

During the quest portion of the story, the book will use a system almost identical to the one I used in Dungeon of the Monster Breeder. Any monsters you would like to see? The story won't be so confined by a dungeon and, not to give away too much, at some points you will have to convince monsters to join your side to fight against a greater evil.

Would love to get some feedback on this stuff. Sorry I haven't been around as much on the forums here. I've been trying to write on this stuff.
 
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