|My First story|

E

Ero Guy

Virgin
Hi there. I have just started my first story a while ago and looking for feedback. I am currently debating whether I should add a page with a description of the MC. The way I have done it so far is slowly introducing information about the MC slowly through various scenes. Not sure if this is a good or bad idea.

Link to story:
https://chyoa.com/story/The-School-Band.18707

Regards
Ero Guy

P.S. This is just somethin I do for fun on the side
 
Personally I generally don't describe characters much, mostly because it's hard to design them, so I don't think you need one. You should probably make a document for your self, or just an unpublished chapter where you can keep track of anything you've put in, so you don't add in that he has blue eyes after saying his eyes are green somewhere else.

Weird idea, if you had different paths in the story give him a different physical appearance.
 
Have a description of his key attributes as well as for other characters in the story. This not only applies physical but emotional attributes as well so when they speak in dialog they are consistant throughout the story.

At first glance this looks like a first time story: random sex with horny sister with no lead up, mc has a 12 inch cock that is mentioned to be 12 inches multiple times, simultaneous orgasms which rarely happens in real life.

There's a lot of room for improvement here, which is a nice thing to consider when taking up a hobby like this.

To add some tips, maybe have the sister comment about the difficulty she has sucking him, or a flashback story about how his girlfriends were always amazed by the size of his dick which, based on if he acts humble or brags about it, tells much more about his character than the fact of how big he is.

I could give more advice but i think that should be enough for now. If you want more advice, or someone to review your work send me a message.
 
I prefer the approach of slowly introducing characters. I might even stop reading if there is a block of text which describes the characters in all details.

Having and developing character sheets for writing purposes is pretty useful, no matter if you work alone or with collaborators. could be an extra chapter which is separated from the main branch.


229 said:
Weird idea, if you had different paths in the story give him a different physical appearance.
Click to expand...
Well, a lot of authors do something slightly different all the kind.
Having two chapters "Call your friend" and "Do nothing" of which one leads to bright sunshine while the other one lets a cloudburst happen is unlogical.
Though that depends on how you want to tell a Choose Your Own Adventure story.
For me, it is kind of okay if the reader isn't addressed "personally".
 
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