The Virgin Heroine

hematoma

hematoma

Really Experienced
http://chyoa.com/story/the-virgin-heroine/cover

Just posted it yesterday. It is set to private, but only while I am establishing things with the first part, which is sort of like a prologue for her adventure. Once she leaves the abbey she is at, I will open things up to anyone who wants to contribute.

(Updated: now open to the public)
 
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Looks like fun! This could give me a reason to find an English text for La Roman de la Rose, a chivalric allegorical tale about, well, the first author discusses ideal courtly love, but the author who finished it (Jean de Meun) is aiming more in the direction of plucking a virginal rose. In case some knight tries to sweet-talk the heroine.
 
I went ahead and opened it up to public posting since somebody left a comment saying they had written something and I don't want people feeling left out.
 
I've been following the story since it was first posted. It looks promising.

I'm looking forward to further developments with Ivona, since that branch of the story is underdeveloped so far.
 
Will be adding more to the lesbian encounter between Sabine and Ivona tonight. Glad you're enjoying it! Once Sabine leaves the abbey, I'll sketch out the sign posts of the world and then people can have her go and do whatever they want in the general pursuit of her goal.
 
I loved the scenes with Ivona! Great job on them!

One question: What does the Goddess look like? Not much has been said about her so far.
 
I picture the Burning Rose as a beautiful, full-breasted woman of early middle age. She has flowing red hair and blue eyes surrounded by fire that paints her body with warmth. She is usually very serene and represents restraint in the face of desire, but she can also become furious, in which case her expression becomes terrible and her fires are dangerous. I haven't really fleshed out the pantheon of gods in this setting, but I imagine her as a vital lesser god, perhaps related to a fertility goddess. The irony of her power is that for most people who celebrate the goddess, they must forsake the Burning Rose to create a family, which makes her paladins and faithful worshippers all the more precious to her.
 
Loving this story. Well written and a fun setting! Had to add it to my list of favorites, and I can hardly wait to see more of the story unfold!
 
So far I love the story. One minor issue I noticed is that since both starting paths eventually join it's hard to reference previous events. For example, if someone fingers Sabine's ass and she remembers how Ivona did the same - that makes sense only if she actually let Ivona do it. If she instead met the imp it would seem like she remembers something that never happened. I guess it would be best not to mention anything that happened during the prologue, but in some cases it would be weird for Sabine to act like a particular event never took place.
 
moonblack said:
So far I love the story. One minor issue I noticed is that since both starting paths eventually join it's hard to reference previous events. For example, if someone fingers Sabine's ass and she remembers how Ivona did the same - that makes sense only if she actually let Ivona do it. If she instead met the imp it would seem like she remembers something that never happened. I guess it would be best not to mention anything that happened during the prologue, but in some cases it would be weird for Sabine to act like a particular event never took place.
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Yeah, thought that too and that's the tricky part when dealing with linked threads :)
The only way to totally avoid it is to not use linked threads at all and do a lot of copy\paste, but I think that what Hematoma and most authors do is to provide unique paths (aka with no linked threads) only when it's really worth it (major events, for example in this case the heroine losing her virginity)
OR you can always add "questions" at the end of a thread like "as [heroine] previously [event], then..." and provide little different paths like this, but can become messy.
Interesting matter, anyway
 
That is definitely the trade off of having the narrative loop back around. The alternative is that you have a bunch of paths that individually die out rather than tying back into the larger narrative. I think this issue is somewhat resolved with the three branches of her wider journey. Those three branches will never overlap until the very end (and I'm actually considering having different endings to the overall story so they might not overlap even there) so throughout the branch you are free to reference what events are inescapable from earlier in the branch. But if you have an optional event, you just have to be careful about how it is "remembered" later in the story.
 
I would add, there is nothing preventing someone from taking her journey in their own direction and including memorable events. Reaper has done this in short bursts with some of her daemon encounters, usually hitting a bad ending and tying things up that way. But there is nothing to say you couldn't take events you want her to remember, say she gets her hand cut off and then chart her a new course through the events other people have depicted where her hand is severed. Obviously that is a huge amount of work, but if you love the story or you just have a really great idea, it could be worth it. You could have her become pregnant by a demon and then continue the whole story and have her redeem herself at the end, delivering the sword and surviving despite losing all her powers.

Just a thought.
 
Hematoma thx for fixing my thread :)
I still have my text and it has been pretty useful to check where I tend to make mistakes (damn if clauses :D)
 
This is a well-written, and rather interesting story. I may add some contributions in the next few days, as I have time to do so. Kudos to all the authors involved in it.
 
Really enjoying this story so far. Please keep it up. So far everything has been her basically being captured and defeated, but it would be interesting to see her actually get seduced. No magic, no force, just her will crumbling with a man who outmaneuvers her. How would that change her? How would her journey change? Could she even go on? Or would she be willing to set aside her duty and settle down to start a family?
 
Funny you should mention that, it's sort of the longer thread I'm going to try to put together with Russ from the tavern, and one of the branches will be similar with the watchman. Though that will not be a happy romance because he's a bad man.
 
Interesting, I can't wait to see that. Keep it up I'll keep following the story. Lol though I wouldn't mind seeing her have a happy romance as well. Not a perfect ending for her, but still a good one.
 
Great story Hematoma. Brilliant set up and now loads of possibilities for the onward journey. I LOVE your fantasy writing style. Trying to emulate it as best I can but it's certainly lacking.

FallenSaint said:
Interesting, I can't wait to see that. Keep it up I'll keep following the story. Lol though I wouldn't mind seeing her have a happy romance as well. Not a perfect ending for her, but still a good one.
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There... may be such an outcome to a path that I've been working on!
 
Lol then I will be watching closely to see what happens. I enjoy this story so far so I hope everyone writing on it will keep up the great work.
 
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