College Leadership Retreat

H

henrytemp

Really Experienced
CHYOA Backer
College Leadership Retreat

This is a thread to discuss my new story. It was obviously inspired by At the Cabin as well as School Vacation in Rome and The Afterparty. I was originally going to put it in "Tales of Silver Lake" but decided to make it it's own thread.

A couple of character notes- Alex, Makayla and Axe are all virgins. Snana is more ambiguous. She dumped Erik for pressuring her, but unclear if that was because she is a virgin or because of a bad past experience.

The only "slut" in the group (excluding the freshman orientation crew not yet introduced) is Erik. While the Gaby character may have cheated, she's more just someone who does what she wants. I'll introduce the backstory to her cheating and reveal more on her personality later.

Anyway, appreciate any feedback and look forward to others contributing.
 
Last edited:
Story is very good so far. The characters who interested me the most after reading the posted threads were Bianca and Makayla, I'm guessing the most interesting plots will probably revolve around those two.
 
duskford said:
Story is very good so far. The characters who interested me the most after reading the posted threads were Bianca and Makayla, I'm guessing the most interesting plots will probably revolve around those two.
Click to expand...

Yeah. Bianca's story for me- she likes Brian, a lot. but respects his relationship too much to break it up. She's also the unnamed object of Dr. Pittman's greatest temptation. A situation she shut down. But i left that open for other writers or to change my mind.

Makayla and Alex, these two love each other, but maybe too naive for their own good. My idea is to have each face temptation from multiple parties before either working it out or giving in
 
A lot more action to come night one, Gina will have a scene with her fiance, albeit a long distance one. Sayen and Erik will have a scene and the fallout from that will lead to other stuff happening.

Long term thinking about a Cyrano de Bergerac storyline between Sayen, Alex and Axe.
 
henrytemp said:
A lot more action to come night one, Gina will have a scene with her fiance, albeit a long distance one. Sayen and Erik will have a scene and the fallout from that will lead to other stuff happening.

Long term thinking about a Cyrano de Bergerac storyline between Sayen, Alex and Axe.
Click to expand...

It's been quite a while since I read Cyrano. Would it be something like one of the boys trying to seduce Sayen for the other and ending up having sex with her instead?
 
duskford said:
It's been quite a while since I read Cyrano. Would it be something like one of the boys trying to seduce Sayen for the other and ending up having sex with her instead?
Click to expand...
more or less. the scene I've been thinking about is Axe writing a poem and asking Alex to read it to her, Sayen mistakenly thinks Alex wrote it and kisses him, Axe sees, they have a fight. And go from there.

Playing into it will be how things play out between Alex and Makayla. My intention right now is for them to have sex and end the week together, but there may be a fight/temporary break-up.
 
On Gaby and Erik: I kind of wrote myself into a hole, that the only couple together at the beginning is the couple least likely to jump in the sack the fist night. So I really thought long and hard about a scene between the two, but Gaby just kept telling me no. As Duskford said in the comments they are a little too much alike. I can see a couple scenarios of them getting together-
1. Both just need to blow off steam, if each got hot enough and that was the option I could see it happening
2. A game of one-upmanship. I originally ended this scene with Erik saying "Round 1 to you" to tease at that sort of thing (I may put it back in)
3. An idea I thought of that wouldn't work in my main story but could fit an alt path- They make a Cruel Intentions style bet over which could seduce Alex/Makayla first with each's body on the line. It doesn't quite fit Gaby as I see her, but not so far off to be unrealistic with some tweaks.

of course if another author hooks them up I'd be fine with that too
 
henrytemp said:
On Gaby and Erik: I kind of wrote myself into a hole, that the only couple together at the beginning is the couple least likely to jump in the sack the fist night. So I really thought long and hard about a scene between the two, but Gaby just kept telling me no. As Duskford said in the comments they are a little too much alike. I can see a couple scenarios of them getting together-
1. Both just need to blow off steam, if each got hot enough and that was the option I could see it happening
2. A game of one-upmanship. I originally ended this scene with Erik saying "Round 1 to you" to tease at that sort of thing (I may put it back in)
3. An idea I thought of that wouldn't work in my main story but could fit an alt path- They make a Cruel Intentions style bet over which could seduce Alex/Makayla first with each's body on the line. It doesn't quite fit Gaby as I see her, but not so far off to be unrealistic with some tweaks.

of course if another author hooks them up I'd be fine with that too
Click to expand...

Not that being too much alike is a bad thing, though, but in their case, maybe the spark isn't there yet. Number 2 sounds the most sound choice at the moment in my opinion. However, number 3 was definitely the most interesting option to me, it would create all kinds of havoc in their group, possibly expanding the bet to other characters; the only point against it, though, is that Gaby seems to genuinely like Alex, therefore she probably wouldn't use him in a bet (unless Erik really riles her up for her to accept it, maybe).
 
duskford said:
the only point against it, though, is that Gaby seems to genuinely like Alex, therefore she probably wouldn't use him in a bet (unless Erik really riles her up for her to accept it, maybe).
Click to expand...

This here is my only hang up, but your suggestion yeah, there just needs to be some motivation for her to cross that line. I've spent a lot of time thinking about the Gaby character, largely b/c she's been in my head with some great lines that lead to scenes I enjoyed writing. Not sure how much of the backstory I've revealed or will reveal, but Alex's best friend was also a virgin, basketball player too. So Gaby was intrigued that this hot athlete wasn't screwing everything in sight, dated him, seduced him, got bored, moved on.

In a way she is intrigued by Alex for the same reason, handsome guy, dating a girl for over a year and still no sex. But for reasons she doesn't understand (read: I haven't figured out yet) Alex is different than most guys because she cares what he thinks about her.

I see their relationship as important, not because of sex. I mean I think they would enjoy hooking up and then fucking each other's brains out for the next six months. But I think they push each other. I never know if my writing comes out heavy handed or light handed, but Alex going the next step with Makayla was a direct result of Gaby winding him up. He has a positive influence on her too as I plan to explore
 
Okay so I've figured out the arc for Alex and Makayla. Will have them break up at some point to allow for more interaction with others, but then bring them back together to consummate the relationship. Also figured out a few more key points in the Brian/Bianca arc. The other couple that will likely get together will be Axe/Sayen, though their story is a little murkier at this point. Gina was the character I was most stuck on, but that scene finally ironed it out for me.

As for the future characters for certain their will be Brians girlfriend, I thinking 2 lesbian characters, another woman, and a guy that's Erik turned to 11. I don't plan to have Erik have any huge life changing moment, but will work to humanize him more, something I've been trying to do already, so that it's kind of "Yes Erik's an asshole, but he's our asshole" vs the outsider.
 
Gina's story that I started in the last post, is that she will receive a series of notes throughout the week, and will be trying to investigate who sent them. The idea being that her subtle questions (she doesn't want to outright accuse anyone) will lead to some mixed signals and the boys may start thinking she is interested in them. It will all lead to a final scene toward the end of the week, when the sender reveals himself.
 
henrytemp said:
Gina's story that I started in the last post, is that she will receive a series of notes throughout the week, and will be trying to investigate who sent them. The idea being that her subtle questions (she doesn't want to outright accuse anyone) will lead to some mixed signals and the boys may start thinking she is interested in them. It will all lead to a final scene toward the end of the week, when the sender reveals himself.
Click to expand...

A funny outcome, that would probably work better as an alternate, would be to have all the guys she gave signals to coming on to her at the end of the week to thoroughly satisfy her, lol.
 
duskford said:
A funny outcome, that would probably work better as an alternate, would be to have all the guys she gave signals to coming on to her at the end of the week to thoroughly satisfy her, lol.
Click to expand...
haha not my intended finish, but a fun one indeed

I should add, that the build up will leave the final scene wide open so that when I get there, it will be an easy branch off
 
Last edited:
the Ranger Raz character, not something I had planned, but wanted someone/something for Bianca to do until Brian's story with his gf plays out
 
apologize, going to be long winded and put some of my thoughts down in writing.

Big challenge I have going into night 2 and day 3 is the alex/makayla breakup. I've jumbled things around from when I had no breakup planned. My thinking though, is that you can allow the characters to go further without it being "cheating" while maintaining the tension (certainly neither will be happy about the other engaging anyone else) I even think maybe it adds a layer of tension since if say Alex is making out with Gaby, Makayla will be pissed, but she can't say anything.

The plan for night 2 is to have Alex go on a hike with Gaby, since Makayla has planned to spend time going over research with Dr. Pittman. Some things will happen between Alex and Gaby and then they will get caught in a storm and have to spend the night together in another cabin. Meanwhile an awkward moment b/t Pitt and Makayla upsets her, she goes looking for her bf, nowhere to be found she drinks, Erik takes advantage. Still spooked about his interaction with drunk Sayen, he takes advantage, but no intention to go all the way.

So next morning Makayla wakes up felling guilty then gets news her bf is missing, he comes back they reunite. but her guilt over what happened with Erik gets the better of her she lashes out at him, accuses him of cheating with Gaby, they break up. so while she verbally blames him she is really pushing him away because she feels guilty about what she did and is confused by it.

Anyway wanted to throw this out there for feedback to see if it would work.
 
henrytemp said:
apologize, going to be long winded and put some of my thoughts down in writing.

Big challenge I have going into night 2 and day 3 is the alex/makayla breakup. I've jumbled things around from when I had no breakup planned. My thinking though, is that you can allow the characters to go further without it being "cheating" while maintaining the tension (certainly neither will be happy about the other engaging anyone else) I even think maybe it adds a layer of tension since if say Alex is making out with Gaby, Makayla will be pissed, but she can't say anything.

The plan for night 2 is to have Alex go on a hike with Gaby, since Makayla has planned to spend time going over research with Dr. Pittman. Some things will happen between Alex and Gaby and then they will get caught in a storm and have to spend the night together in another cabin. Meanwhile an awkward moment b/t Pitt and Makayla upsets her, she goes looking for her bf, nowhere to be found she drinks, Erik takes advantage. Still spooked about his interaction with drunk Sayen, he takes advantage, but no intention to go all the way.

So next morning Makayla wakes up felling guilty then gets news her bf is missing, he comes back they reunite. but her guilt over what happened with Erik gets the better of her she lashes out at him, accuses him of cheating with Gaby, they break up. so while she verbally blames him she is really pushing him away because she feels guilty about what she did and is confused by it.

Anyway wanted to throw this out there for feedback to see if it would work.
Click to expand...

The way you planned it sounds good, in my opinion. I just didn't understand by your description if Alex and Makayla will really go all the way with Gaby and Erik before the breakup. Storytelling-wise, I think it all depends if you want them to be together or not by the end of the trip, because if you do, a serious fight has to happen, whether it involves actual cheating or not.
 
duskford said:
The way you planned it sounds good, in my opinion. I just didn't understand by your description if Alex and Makayla will really go all the way with Gaby and Erik before the breakup. Storytelling-wise, I think it all depends if you want them to be together or not by the end of the trip, because if you do, a serious fight has to happen, whether it involves actual cheating or not.
Click to expand...

My intention is for Alex and Makayla to reunite and lose their virginity to each other and be together at the end of the week. I just want more freedom for them both to cross some lines while not actually cheating on the other. And a little hint to where I'm going, Gaby isn't the woman Makayla should be worried about, another is a much bigger threat
 
henrytemp said:
My intention is for Alex and Makayla to reunite and lose their virginity to each other and be together at the end of the week. I just want more freedom for them both to cross some lines while not actually cheating on the other. And a little hint to where I'm going, Gaby isn't the woman Makayla should be worried about, another is a much bigger threat
Click to expand...

Interesting, I'm gonna guess Sayen or Gina there, don't remember Alex and Bianca having a longer scene together so far.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top